Profile for The Mighty Gusset:
THIS REALLY IS ALL JUST BOLLOCKS NOW !
Chunks of it aren't even true any more !
In fact, even if I'd changed some of the more obvious lies to true things, they'd now be lies again !
I don't come on here that often these days, I seem to spend far too much of my life on BATracer ;
http://batracer.com/-1FrontPage.htm?Sj1
Bloke.
Tired.
Not getting any younger.
And if anyone thinks I'm a bit too sick and cynical;
I live in Coventry (this is one of the bits that isn't true - I now live in Fucking Essex - Innit (Actually, even this isn't true any more - for the last two years I've been living in Shropshire !))
And don't update my profile nearly often enough.
As you can tell !
My MSN account expired bloody ages ago, taking loads of my stuff with it.
I don't really care though - it was all rubbish ! (Actually, there are a couple of things that I quite liked, and miss)
*LUNCH IS A SERIOUS MATTER*
I really do cook all the lunches I enter into Lunch Of The Day
(This bit was All True at the time - I rarely cook at all these days (Not true, I cook at least 4 days a week))
This is one of my favourites
Slow (Very Slow as in 6 hours) Roasted Lamb Shanks in Madeira and Red Wine (A bottle and a half of the stuff for 3 shanks) with Rosemary and Garlic.
Served on a bed of Garlic and Cheese Mashed Potatoes
with Savoy Cabbage and Green Beans
What follows is all pretty meaningless :
Inspired by events and Bill Bailey at Warwick Arts Centre.
Made this following a conversation in the pub one Sunday night.
This lived in my head for years until I did something about it.
It's what springs to mind whenever I hear the word :
PANDEMONIUM !
Then the RSPCA sent me a mailshot and everything went Fluffy !
A reponse:
I was amused by the idea of the Japanese replacing standard "Blue Screen of Death" messages with Haiku.
Chavbike !
See - I told you it was meaningless !
And BOLLOCKS !
If you've read this far, then you've wasted your life.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 20 years, 7 months and 27 days
- has posted 5265 messages on the main board
- has posted 0 messages on the talk board
- has posted 4 messages on the links board
- has posted 10 stories and 4 replies on question of the week
- They liked 245 pictures, 3 links, 0 talk posts, and 17 qotw answers.
- Ignore this user
- Add this user as a friend
- send me a message
THIS REALLY IS ALL JUST BOLLOCKS NOW !
Chunks of it aren't even true any more !
In fact, even if I'd changed some of the more obvious lies to true things, they'd now be lies again !
I don't come on here that often these days, I seem to spend far too much of my life on BATracer ;
http://batracer.com/-1FrontPage.htm?Sj1
Bloke.
Tired.
Not getting any younger.
And if anyone thinks I'm a bit too sick and cynical;
I live in Coventry (this is one of the bits that isn't true - I now live in Fucking Essex - Innit (Actually, even this isn't true any more - for the last two years I've been living in Shropshire !))
And don't update my profile nearly often enough.
As you can tell !
My MSN account expired bloody ages ago, taking loads of my stuff with it.
I don't really care though - it was all rubbish ! (Actually, there are a couple of things that I quite liked, and miss)
*LUNCH IS A SERIOUS MATTER*
I really do cook all the lunches I enter into Lunch Of The Day
(This bit was All True at the time - I rarely cook at all these days (Not true, I cook at least 4 days a week))
This is one of my favourites
Slow (Very Slow as in 6 hours) Roasted Lamb Shanks in Madeira and Red Wine (A bottle and a half of the stuff for 3 shanks) with Rosemary and Garlic.
Served on a bed of Garlic and Cheese Mashed Potatoes
with Savoy Cabbage and Green Beans
What follows is all pretty meaningless :
Inspired by events and Bill Bailey at Warwick Arts Centre.
Made this following a conversation in the pub one Sunday night.
This lived in my head for years until I did something about it.
It's what springs to mind whenever I hear the word :
PANDEMONIUM !
Then the RSPCA sent me a mailshot and everything went Fluffy !
A reponse:
I was amused by the idea of the Japanese replacing standard "Blue Screen of Death" messages with Haiku.
Chavbike !
See - I told you it was meaningless !
And BOLLOCKS !
If you've read this far, then you've wasted your life.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Breakin' The Law
I spent about a year as a Postman
Every morning, about 4.30am I 'd set off to walk the 4 miles or so into the sorting office in Coventry city centre.
Every now and again (it happened about a dozen times) the plod would stop me and ask me what I was doing.
Bearing in mind I'm in full postie uniform and carrying a Big Red Sack I'd have thought it fairly obvious.
On the last occasion it happened I'd had a bad night and wasn't in the best of moods.
Cock in a cop car followed me for about 200 yards before pulling alongside.
"Oy ! You mate. Mind telling me where you're going at this time of the morning ?"
"Sorry Officer, but you've heard of Female Impersonators ? Well I'm a Royal Mail Impersonator"
"You What ?"
"I like to dress up in a Postie uniform and walk around the streets in the early hours."
"Are you taking the piss ?"
"You Fucking started it !"
Needless to say I got nicked !
In the car :
"You are under arrest for impersonating an employee of the Crown, anything you say etc........ Do you have anything to say ?"
"Yes - Ouch ! Ouch ! Bastard Coppers, Stop Hitting Me ! - Now, write that down !"
Got a laugh down the station and I got a morning off work.
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 12:47, More)
I spent about a year as a Postman
Every morning, about 4.30am I 'd set off to walk the 4 miles or so into the sorting office in Coventry city centre.
Every now and again (it happened about a dozen times) the plod would stop me and ask me what I was doing.
Bearing in mind I'm in full postie uniform and carrying a Big Red Sack I'd have thought it fairly obvious.
On the last occasion it happened I'd had a bad night and wasn't in the best of moods.
Cock in a cop car followed me for about 200 yards before pulling alongside.
"Oy ! You mate. Mind telling me where you're going at this time of the morning ?"
"Sorry Officer, but you've heard of Female Impersonators ? Well I'm a Royal Mail Impersonator"
"You What ?"
"I like to dress up in a Postie uniform and walk around the streets in the early hours."
"Are you taking the piss ?"
"You Fucking started it !"
Needless to say I got nicked !
In the car :
"You are under arrest for impersonating an employee of the Crown, anything you say etc........ Do you have anything to say ?"
"Yes - Ouch ! Ouch ! Bastard Coppers, Stop Hitting Me ! - Now, write that down !"
Got a laugh down the station and I got a morning off work.
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 12:47, More)
» Pet Names
I used to have a cat called Diesel
so called because he purred like a London Taxi.
He was completely mental,
he could detect a packet of cheese and onion crisps being opened from half a mile away (note: only cheese and onion)
He once managed to fight his way into my oven and remove and eat a whole roast(ing at Gas mk 6 ) chicken.
He'd also run headlong into glass doors.
Also. Not mine, but a mate had a Rottweiler called "Arnie" but it was soft and stupid so got renamed "Fluffy" - he seemed much happier with his new name !
(Wed 25th Feb 2004, 14:18, More)
I used to have a cat called Diesel
so called because he purred like a London Taxi.
He was completely mental,
he could detect a packet of cheese and onion crisps being opened from half a mile away (note: only cheese and onion)
He once managed to fight his way into my oven and remove and eat a whole roast(ing at Gas mk 6 ) chicken.
He'd also run headlong into glass doors.
Also. Not mine, but a mate had a Rottweiler called "Arnie" but it was soft and stupid so got renamed "Fluffy" - he seemed much happier with his new name !
(Wed 25th Feb 2004, 14:18, More)
» Accidental innuendo
Watching a local Ladies Football Match
(Well, sometimes you have to !)
Two players collide and one gets her knee nicely sliced open.
"Oooh !" says my mate "She's got a Nasty Gash"
"Yep, and now she's got a badly cut knee too !"
says me.
Cue falling around giggling !
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 16:43, More)
Watching a local Ladies Football Match
(Well, sometimes you have to !)
Two players collide and one gets her knee nicely sliced open.
"Oooh !" says my mate "She's got a Nasty Gash"
"Yep, and now she's got a badly cut knee too !"
says me.
Cue falling around giggling !
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 16:43, More)
» Asking people out
You want chat up lines ?
I got chat up lines !
This one works :
"Hello, you'd look Damned Good on the end of my Knob"
It is important that you should say later :
"I was right - you Do look Damned Good on the end of my Knob."
This one doesn't work (or hasn't so far !) but it can get you slapped quite hard :
"Hello Darlin' Shit in me belly button and bark like a dog."
(Thu 10th Dec 2009, 19:59, More)
You want chat up lines ?
I got chat up lines !
This one works :
"Hello, you'd look Damned Good on the end of my Knob"
It is important that you should say later :
"I was right - you Do look Damned Good on the end of my Knob."
This one doesn't work (or hasn't so far !) but it can get you slapped quite hard :
"Hello Darlin' Shit in me belly button and bark like a dog."
(Thu 10th Dec 2009, 19:59, More)