» School fights

Never had a 'fight' as such...
...got slapped about a bit (and ran away like a wuss), but I did cause another chap some grief.

It was in middle school (Year 6 IIRC), and during a heated game of football at lunchtime words were exchanged. I turned round, and heard a thud. Turned back round again to see him laid out on the floor. He got up and hobbled off crying.

Turned out he'd tried to do a flying kick into my back. He'd underestimated though, and fell quite short. He broke his leg in 3 places and was in plaster for 3 months.

Couldn't help but feel guilty after that, even thought it was his own stupid fault.
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 23:02, More)

» Cringe!

Bloody cars
There's probably more, but have this short one for now.

A few years ago, I was coming home from work after a nightshift in Leeds, and as I left the M62 for the A1, and came down the sliproad, my mind was elsewhere.

Imagine my suprise when I realised that there was a queue at the traffic lights. I hammered on the anchors, and managed to stop at an almost 90 degree angle to the rest of the traffic. I then had to spend the next 30 seconds, unable to move - lights are on red - while everybody else has a good tut-and-shake-of-the-head at the knobhead in the Corsa, who can now look left and see the people in the car that should be behind.

Sheepish doesn't even begin to describe it.
(Sun 30th Nov 2008, 1:12, More)

» My Worst Vomit

speaking martian
Not a really bad puke story, but... well, it has puke and stuff in it.

When I was at college, every few months we'd all pile round to the house of the only lass on course, since her parents were away quite a lot. We'd buy a ridiculous amount of beer and spirits, then drink the whole lot in a couple of hours.

It was during one of these that I assumed it'd be a really good idea to consume the 3/4 of a bottle of smirnoff that remained. Bearing in mind by this point I was already well on the way to merrydom, I proceeded to drink in a matter of seconds the remainder of the vodka.

I don't know what happened inbetween, but it culminated in me yakking bucketfuls of vodka-flavoured chunder into the china telephone, and when asked what was wrong I apparently told somebody (whilst yakking) to "fuck off because I'm talking to some martians".

No, I don't know either.
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 3:21, More)

» Abusing freebies

Online freebies
Most sites which send out free samples of whatever product they're pushing don't seem to like letting you fill in their forms twice.

The way round it? Change the name and the postcode.

Despite having 3 cats, a certain cat food manufacturer must think I have an entire colony of the buggers, and saw fit to remind me after a year that 'Tiddles IV' and 'Mr Kitt E. Catt' were coming up to their first birthday...

I'm also running out of names. I'm certain the postman thinks I'm as mad as a bag of cats - by the names on the letters he delivers, all of the characters from Spaced and half the cast of Coronation Street live in my spare room.
(Fri 9th Nov 2007, 0:58, More)

» Obscure Memorabilia

not particularly historical, but.
In my old house, I had a 6ft-high "ROAD CLOSED AHEAD" sign, one of the reflective jobbies they use at roadworks, complete with stand and everything. Result of a few beers. I have no idea how it got there, only the look on my missus's face when she woke up the following morning to find it looming down at her from the end of the bed.

Not me, but a mate of mine had a Marlboro packet signed by none other than Richey Edwards from the Manic Street Preachers from when they played the Doncaster Dome $years++ ago.

And somebody else I know had one of those huge McFlurry things McDonalds used to hang from their lampposts. He shimmied up the lamppost, nabbed it, and sold it on eBay.
(Mon 8th Nov 2004, 9:06, More)