Profile for jackamonk:
none
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
- a member for 20 years, 5 months and 15 days
- has posted 0 messages on the main board
- has posted 0 messages on the talk board
- has posted 0 messages on the links board
- has posted 3 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
- They liked 0 pictures, 0 links, 0 talk posts, and 1 qotw answers.
- Ignore this user
- Add this user as a friend
- send me a message
none
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Breakin' The Law
PC taking the piss
Having celebrated a mates birthday at Majetyk in Leeds, me and said mate poured out onto the pavement arm in arm and still clutching our beers, searched for somewhere to relieve ourselves. We spotted a copper across the road and in our booze addled wisdom decided it would be a good idea to ask him if he knew anywhere suitable to have a piss without getting in trouble. "Just nip round that corner lads" he shouted to us, pointing behind him to a sidestreet. YAY!
Imagine our suprise when the same copper nicked us both for indecent exposure! We had to give statements there and then, which made for very funny reading in court, especially the bit when my mate said "But I used to be in the force myself"
"really?" replied the officer
"Nah, coppers are a bunch of cunts"
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 17:00, More)
PC taking the piss
Having celebrated a mates birthday at Majetyk in Leeds, me and said mate poured out onto the pavement arm in arm and still clutching our beers, searched for somewhere to relieve ourselves. We spotted a copper across the road and in our booze addled wisdom decided it would be a good idea to ask him if he knew anywhere suitable to have a piss without getting in trouble. "Just nip round that corner lads" he shouted to us, pointing behind him to a sidestreet. YAY!
Imagine our suprise when the same copper nicked us both for indecent exposure! We had to give statements there and then, which made for very funny reading in court, especially the bit when my mate said "But I used to be in the force myself"
"really?" replied the officer
"Nah, coppers are a bunch of cunts"
(Thu 8th Jan 2004, 17:00, More)
» Impromptu Games You Play
Hello could I speak to Mrs Focker?
I once worked in telesales trying to sell burglar alarms on behalf of British Gas. I was poor and desperate and still not proud. It really was the worst job ever as the database was always frightened old ladies which you had to harangue into accepting an appointment.
Anyway, to liven up the 12 hour shifts we used to do we invented a rather simple game in which you had to fit in a word or phrase to your sales shpeel without the person on the phone realising.
It started off quite tame like saying words like "Beat off" and "Hand Job", but escalated quite quickly into full phrases like "your hot hairy cookies" and "beware the wild monkeys". Obviously the longer and more ridiculous the phrase the bigger the laugh, and hence points.
I remember this one "oooh I've just come......off my chair, it must be broken".
Vee vee childish, but Vee vee amusing,
(Wed 31st Mar 2004, 15:53, More)
Hello could I speak to Mrs Focker?
I once worked in telesales trying to sell burglar alarms on behalf of British Gas. I was poor and desperate and still not proud. It really was the worst job ever as the database was always frightened old ladies which you had to harangue into accepting an appointment.
Anyway, to liven up the 12 hour shifts we used to do we invented a rather simple game in which you had to fit in a word or phrase to your sales shpeel without the person on the phone realising.
It started off quite tame like saying words like "Beat off" and "Hand Job", but escalated quite quickly into full phrases like "your hot hairy cookies" and "beware the wild monkeys". Obviously the longer and more ridiculous the phrase the bigger the laugh, and hence points.
I remember this one "oooh I've just come......off my chair, it must be broken".
Vee vee childish, but Vee vee amusing,
(Wed 31st Mar 2004, 15:53, More)
» Dad Jokes
shazam
I've lost count of the amount of times I've heard this, but I suppose it's quite stoopidly funny...
Dad starts telling a friend about a magician he once saw and explains that he was picked to put his watch in a bag and have the magician hammer it to peices. After the trick the magician doesn't return the watch and instead tells him to go and sit down.
After the show, quite miffed about his expensive watch, he approaches the sorcerer to have words. "Don't worry about it, let me get you a drink" he says. Getting more pissed off about the watch, Dad starts to threaten the magician. "Look, I told you don't worry about it. Lets sit down and let me buy you a drink and a pie"
Magician orders a pint and a steak and kidney pie from the barmaid. Still concerned about the watch Dad asks him one last time to return it. "Have a look in the pie" says the magician....
And can you guess whats inside???
Yes, Steak and Kidney.
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 15:17, More)
shazam
I've lost count of the amount of times I've heard this, but I suppose it's quite stoopidly funny...
Dad starts telling a friend about a magician he once saw and explains that he was picked to put his watch in a bag and have the magician hammer it to peices. After the trick the magician doesn't return the watch and instead tells him to go and sit down.
After the show, quite miffed about his expensive watch, he approaches the sorcerer to have words. "Don't worry about it, let me get you a drink" he says. Getting more pissed off about the watch, Dad starts to threaten the magician. "Look, I told you don't worry about it. Lets sit down and let me buy you a drink and a pie"
Magician orders a pint and a steak and kidney pie from the barmaid. Still concerned about the watch Dad asks him one last time to return it. "Have a look in the pie" says the magician....
And can you guess whats inside???
Yes, Steak and Kidney.
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 15:17, More)