Profile for bob T builder:
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Just go to my site www.whatsonbobschesttoday.com
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- a member for 20 years, 5 months and 13 days
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Not much to say.
Just go to my site www.whatsonbobschesttoday.com
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Accidental innuendo
Boots, the Chemist
There is a Boots Chemist beneath the office where I work. There is a mousey, bookish, middle aged woman who is chronically shy and cannot seem to properly engage in banter or even eye contact.
I went to pay for my goods the other week. There are 2 credit card readers. Here is the conversation that ensued:
Ms: Mouse: "Sorry - wrong hole - I'm over here"
Me: "Ah. I always get that problem" [winks]
Ms: Mouse: "Oh, no! I mean - I like to spread myself about."
Me: "Oh - fantastic news!"
Ms: Mouse: "No! I mean... over the counter" [whimpers] "Oh! I mean..."
Me: "Can I have an Advantage Card please?"
She won't serve me any more. When I enter the store, suddenly the Nivea looks all out of whack and she busies herself over to straighten it.
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 16:10, More)
Boots, the Chemist
There is a Boots Chemist beneath the office where I work. There is a mousey, bookish, middle aged woman who is chronically shy and cannot seem to properly engage in banter or even eye contact.
I went to pay for my goods the other week. There are 2 credit card readers. Here is the conversation that ensued:
Ms: Mouse: "Sorry - wrong hole - I'm over here"
Me: "Ah. I always get that problem" [winks]
Ms: Mouse: "Oh, no! I mean - I like to spread myself about."
Me: "Oh - fantastic news!"
Ms: Mouse: "No! I mean... over the counter" [whimpers] "Oh! I mean..."
Me: "Can I have an Advantage Card please?"
She won't serve me any more. When I enter the store, suddenly the Nivea looks all out of whack and she busies herself over to straighten it.
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 16:10, More)
» Lies I told on my CV
Disability Benefits (?) Agency
Not strictly a CV, but I used to visit my brother in the Disability Benefits Agency at lunchtime when I was on the dole. They had a noticeboard of funny CVs and stuff, but there was a classic letter sent in by a bloke who was caught 'on a hobble'... i.e. he was caught working whilst pretending to be ill. It was meant to explain why he was working and claiming at the same time. He wrote the letter in the same manner he spoke and went something like this (he was Welsh):
"The thing is, see, I was doing the work I was seen doing, like for some mate's, but it was just a quickie like, wasn't it? Not proper work and you can ask anyone who was there if you don't believe me. My leg and back was still hurting from all the pain but I carried on to help my friends. Anyway you can't get me for this because I have a letter from doctor Jones. TOP DOCTOR!!!! (triple underlined) who says I'm not well enough to work because of my back and if you don't believe me - go upstairs because he works in the floor above you, see. And I know this like because I've been to both places."
I also read my housemate's CV the other day. His hobbies section read only:
"Reading, watching TV, driving.". Class.
(Sun 9th Jul 2006, 22:46, More)
Disability Benefits (?) Agency
Not strictly a CV, but I used to visit my brother in the Disability Benefits Agency at lunchtime when I was on the dole. They had a noticeboard of funny CVs and stuff, but there was a classic letter sent in by a bloke who was caught 'on a hobble'... i.e. he was caught working whilst pretending to be ill. It was meant to explain why he was working and claiming at the same time. He wrote the letter in the same manner he spoke and went something like this (he was Welsh):
"The thing is, see, I was doing the work I was seen doing, like for some mate's, but it was just a quickie like, wasn't it? Not proper work and you can ask anyone who was there if you don't believe me. My leg and back was still hurting from all the pain but I carried on to help my friends. Anyway you can't get me for this because I have a letter from doctor Jones. TOP DOCTOR!!!! (triple underlined) who says I'm not well enough to work because of my back and if you don't believe me - go upstairs because he works in the floor above you, see. And I know this like because I've been to both places."
I also read my housemate's CV the other day. His hobbies section read only:
"Reading, watching TV, driving.". Class.
(Sun 9th Jul 2006, 22:46, More)
» Accidental innuendo
Where in the world...?
PC World... is where my Mum used to work.
She didn't clean her sandwich box out properly after having Tuna sandwiches the day before. As the odour was affecting her enjoyment of the ham sandwich she was eating, she boldy inquired in the staff room:
"Everyone come and have a smell of my box - it stinks of fish!".
It had to be explained to her.
Bloody Welshies.
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 16:19, More)
Where in the world...?
PC World... is where my Mum used to work.
She didn't clean her sandwich box out properly after having Tuna sandwiches the day before. As the odour was affecting her enjoyment of the ham sandwich she was eating, she boldy inquired in the staff room:
"Everyone come and have a smell of my box - it stinks of fish!".
It had to be explained to her.
Bloody Welshies.
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 16:19, More)