» Job Interviews

My non-PC former boss
Interviewing for software developers asked an Indian candidate 'Will you be reliable? because the last Asian we offered a job to let us down when he went home for an arranged marriage.' Cue outraged phone call next day from the agency...

In the same round of interviews he said to a somewhat chubby chap 'Because you're fat, I'm inclined to think you might be lazy.'

Off topic somewhat, one lunchtime Former Boss and I were walking down the lane where he lived. Workmen had opened the manhole over the sewer to do some maintenance. Old boss peered down the hole, turned to the workmen and said cheerfully

'My shit goes down there.'

The workmen stared at him, jaws hanging, while I shrivelled up in shame.
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 14:33, More)

» Weddings

Humiliate the bridesmaid
When I was a seven-year-old tomboy I was forced into a brown and cream scratchy lace dress (this was the 70s) to be a bridesmaid.

At the wedding disco, the DJ went round with his microphone interviewing guests, including me. I told him I liked disco dancing. Everyone went 'aaaaah'.

When the music started I went up with my cousins and had a good old boogie. By this time I'd changed out of the nasty dress back into my good old flared jeans. But I was struck with a sudden and irresistible itch in the region of my bumhole.

So I stuck my hand down the back of my jeans and gave it a good scratch. The DJ saw, announced it to the packed room, and told everyone to look.

I still bear the mental scars.
(Thu 14th Jul 2005, 16:45, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Fluff
Coming home from the pub, this is what Mr SF and I used to sing to our cat Pillow, to the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic:

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the cat
She is sitting where she always does upon the back door mat
She is purry and she's furry and she's smelly and she's fat
She's the best cat in the world.
Glory glory Pillowlujah, Glory glory Pillowlujah, Glory glory Pillowlujah
She's the best cat in the world.

Aaah.
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 16:55, More)

» Personal Hygiene

Dodgy boss
At the place where I used to work the sales director, Colin, had some nasty habits. He always had really dirty fingernails. A colleague found out why when she went to a trade show with him. I can remember the horrified look on her face as she told me:

"He was on the stand talking to a customer with his hand down the back of his trousers and his finger wound so far up his arse he was standing on one leg."
(Fri 23rd Mar 2007, 17:37, More)

» Job Interviews

Strange interview question
Interviewer: Finally, what animal would you most like to be?

SF: erm. A cat.

Interviewer: Why's that?

SF thinks: der! because they sleep all fuckin day. It's the life of riley!

SF says: erm ... cos they're sleek and elegant and that's something I aspire to.

(interviewer consults 'what your choice of animal says about you' list. Cat: lazy; tortures small rodents.)

Interviewer: thank you SF, we'll be in touch.

No you won't.
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 15:08, More)