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» When Animals Attack

Black Beauty
For a mate's birthday recently a group of us gentlemen decided to do what gentlemen of leisure do - head off for a night on the tables of the Tees Valley's finest casino... the name of which escapes me.

A night of merrily losing money and sobriety was had by all, but in the minibus on the way home one of the party, G, decided he had to be violently sick IMMEDIATELY RIGHT NOW. Nothing especially noteworthy about that, we thought, as we pulled over on the hard shoulder to let him paint his shoes. G runs up the embankment, stumbles to his knees and has just started throwing up when a horse with more than a passing resemblance to Black Beauty appears out of the darkness beyond the fence. BB seems quite excited by G's predicament, and after much whinnying and suchlike proceeds, for reasons known only to himself, to cock a leg and let loose a frankly magnificent stream of piss over G's hunched, shuddering, still puking frame.

He walked the rest of the way home.
(Sun 27th Apr 2008, 19:57, More)

» Mix Tapes

not so subliminal messages...
Back in 2001 I found out that my then girlfriend had been cheating on me with a close mutual friend - so close, in fact, that we'd decided (along with another friend) to all go on holiday to a small cottage on Loch Ness together. I offered to make a mix tape for the journey (coming up from Darlington would take, oh I dunno, 16 hours or something). The tracklist was as follows:

'How long has this been going on' - Paul Carrack.

On loop.

Both sides.

A great journey and an even better week's holiday.
(Fri 8th Feb 2008, 13:17, More)

» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

Austrian
I like to tell people I meet that I'm Austrian, and get complimented for my excellent English. I also claim to be able to speak fluent Cantonese, and pick out different Korean dialects.


Somehow, this has yet to backfire.
(Mon 17th Mar 2008, 15:36, More)

» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

God TV
Virgin 279 for the uninitiated. Oh, how I'd love to meet that fat saffer and his utterly, utterly mental wife.
(Thu 13th Mar 2008, 13:03, More)

» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

Hula Hoops
Back during 'sinbad: the fat years', I used to eat hula hoops dipped in butter as a snack, pretty much whenever I wanted. I can only justify this by saying that they are, without doubt, the greatest foody combo of all time.

You're going to try it now, and you're going to get FAT.
(Wed 19th Mar 2008, 17:30, More)
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