» Clients Are Stupid

Couldn't happen to a nicer fella......
Before going to uni I spent the summer working in a semi-popular restaraunt chain (not beef-eater, the other one) behind the bar.

One night a bloke comes in, obviously on a date and in a snooty voice asks for the wine list. At the time wine was not my thing, but I, like many bar staff, had memorised certain key terms from the wine list in order to scrape by.

After a look, he orders a medium red, I do the business cork wise and off he totters to find a quiet spot with his lady friend. Minutes later he comes back up complaining about the wine, I was worried it'd be a technical query and I'd be out of my depth, instead the conversation went thus:

HE: I want to complain about this wine.
ME: What seems to be the trouble?
HE: It's not cold enough, it's bl**dy room temperature!
ME: Er, red wine is not served chilled.
HE: What!?
ME: Well, white wine is chilled but red wine isn't.
HE: This is ridiculous, I demand a chilled bottle!
ME: (sigh) OK, the only problem is we don't keep any bottles of red in the fridge, if you'd like to come back in an hour or two I'll have one then.
HE: Are you taking the p**s!?
ME: (yes) no sir.

Off he went, not sure whether to explain this to his date for fear she too would laugh at him! T W U N T

Apologies for the mo-hassive post.
(Fri 2nd Jan 2004, 16:38, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

You wonder how they survive.....
I work for a large computer company, in order not to give away their identity I'll just give you their initials: IBM. Our dept sells parts to companies and the general public for lap tops etc. My personal favourite:

me: part sales, can i help
her: yes, i need a battery
me: ok, do you have the part number?
her: NO
me: ok, what model or range is it for?
her: a ford fiesta
me: I'm sorry?
her: A FORD FIESTA!!
me: right, we only sell parts for computers,I think you need the RAC or someone like that.
her: fine, well put me through to the RAC
me: (again) I'm sorry?
her: put me through to th RAC and I'll talk to them
me: we're nothing to do with them, you'd need to find a number for them
her: this is ridiculous!
me: (you're telling me!) perhaps if you try yellow pages
her: well I'll have to now won't I! *click*

I'm still trying to work out how it was my fault!
(Tue 30th Dec 2003, 14:41, More)

» Dad Jokes

When we're having a take away......
....we ask my dad if he fancies an Indian.
His answer is always: "I couldn't eat a whole one". Hillariously implying that we mean an Indian person rather than the popular cuisine.

The most painful part is knowing, deep down, that when I have kids I'll do exactly the same thing, and consider myself a modern day Russ Abbott.
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 10:03, More)

» Worst Record Ever

Long time listener, first time caller.....
....so be gentle with me!

Obvious choice would be 'Fast Food Rockers' with "Smile Please". This falls into the category of novelty act's second single. A rubbish act gets a top ten with a gimmicky song which is crap but tolerable as you know it will soon vanish. Then in an attempt to bleed the last few pence from the under 12's of the country they release a follow up.

See also, "Mambo No. 5" by Bob the Builder or anything by 'Steps'.
(Wed 3rd Dec 2003, 10:08, More)