» Now, there was no need for that...

Stapler
Not very bright I know but, in the process of filling the stapler with staples, I managed to staple my thumbs together whilst closing the top back down.
For those of you who have never done this, I should explain that the worst part is not being able to pull the staple out, due to not having any free hands with which to do it.
(Thu 16th Jun 2005, 22:10, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

Stuff You've Overheard
My dad, on the way to the beach laden with deck chairs, towels etc passes a public toilet and says 'Oh, hang on, I have to go for a wee' to which my mom replies 'do you want me to hold anything?'

A passing man bursts out laughing.
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 9:58, More)

» Accidental innuendo

On holiday
On route to the beach from the caravan whilst on holiday in Wales, my dad, laden with deck chairs and towels, spots a public toilets. 'I´m just off for a wee' says my dad. 'Do you want me to hold anything?' my mom shouts after him, eliciting a guffaw from a chap passing by.
(Tue 17th Jun 2008, 21:32, More)

» Shoddy Presents

My uncle got my sister...
...a lovely brooch fashioned in the shape of a baby seal complete with adorable doe eyes. Made from genuine baby seal it was too.
(Thu 23rd Sep 2004, 23:00, More)

» Terrible food

Bombay mix
Back in the eighties, I was on the dole, sharing a house in Wolverhampton with a bunch of mates. One night, one of these mates liberated two industrial size bags of bombay mix from outside an Indian takeaway.
Since I had drunk my giro the previous weekend, my diet for the following fortnight consisted solely of bombay mix.
Actually, after the first week, I had scoffed all the red and green things, leaving only the gram flour noodles for the second week.
I can't recommend this diet due to the lengthy stints spent on the toilet passing what feels like battery acid.
(Wed 23rd May 2007, 17:14, More)