» Walkman Flashbacks

Youre The One....
For Me Fatty..
by Morrissey. It now reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. Because she was fat and i loved her, and now i dont. Curses.
(Thu 24th Mar 2005, 20:05, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

OwJa
It was after Derren Brown did that ouija board on telly, that me and my flatmates decided to have a go on a board of our own. We made it out of cardboard with the alphabet in a circle and yes and no in the middle, with an upturned shot glass as the planchette.
I sat and watched for a bit as my two flatmates had a go, but nothing at all was happening. As soon as i knelt down to join in, the glass started slowly moving around. We asked "is anyone there?" to which the glass moved straight to "U". No matter what we asked it always went to "U".
So, being a complete pussy, I left the board and refused to carry on. Later on, as we were watching TV I suddenly felt a burning sensation on my thigh, looked down, and my leg was on fire! I jumped up and out of my jeans and ran out of the room, while my mates stamped on the jeans to put them out. I still have the jeans and boxers, which both have a 2p sized burn hole in them.
Oh and while I do smoke, I wasnt at the time, and there were no other sources of flame in the room.
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 16:24, More)

» Breakin' The Law

the perils of monty python and trolleys
When i was about 15, some mates and me decided to down to our local, run down cinema establishment in Fareham (the kind of place where Max Bygraves is a regular), as they were showing Monty Python's Meaning Of Life. We had also decided to bring some cinema snacks a la stolichnya vodka, and entered the place. It soon turned out that we were the only people there, so we got quite merry, and eenjoyed the film. On the way back (around midnight) we decided to muck around with some shopping trolleys in a car park. I was pushing my mate Al really fast, just as a police car pulled in, sirens flashing. Of course, being a good little boy i let go of the trolley and turned to talk to the coppers. They asked how much we thought the trolleys cost (about 20p, as my mate Steve replied). This got them quite riled, and they started asking for names and addresses, at which point, we heard a large noise. Al, supposedly blinded by drunkenness had inadvertendly pushed the trolley in to the police car. Cue night in the cells for Al....
(Fri 9th Jan 2004, 11:34, More)

» Irrational Fears

Seatbelts and Horses
I think we already covered horses, but they are complete scum. Their brains are about the size of a walnut you know. Or was that dinosaurs? Anyway, i was horseriding up a mountain in Turkey a few years ago, got to the top and the stupid thing tried going down the steep side. I eventually managed to get it to a tree, but then a snake fell out of it. I dont blame the snake. Also, you know how people dont like fingernails on blackboards or on plates - i cant stand them on seatbelts and other similar material, it makes my spine itch.
(Wed 28th Jan 2004, 14:48, More)

» Claims to Fame

Beadle and Dennis
I have two. Once, when i was on my very first plane (being a young chap) Jeremy Beadle sat next to me. He was a dick though, cos he made me move from the window seat and cos i laughed at his little spazzy hand. I seem to remember his wife and kids were alright though.
A few years later than that, I went on a skiing trip to Quebec with my school. When out on the piste we noticed that Les Dennis was walking along in the opposite direction. I am normally crap at throwing snowballs so I didnt think it would hit him right in the back of the head. I never found out what happened after that because i ran away.
Length, girth, etc
(Fri 25th Feb 2005, 15:06, More)