» Lies Your Parents Told You

Penguins!
When I was little, my dad told me that the blinking red lights up on aerials and towers were red lamps with penguins sitting next to them with cups, repeatedly covering and uncovering them to make the lights flash. (And if a b3ta member could 'shop this, that would be hella cool.)

He also told me that there was a tiny man in the refrigerator who turned the light on and off, and that if I ate all the spicy sausages (coincidentally, dad's favorite), the man would get mad and stop doing his job.

He told my mom the one about spaghetti growing on trees, which I think she actually believed until she was about 35 and saw someone on a cooking show making it.
(Sat 17th Jan 2004, 14:41, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

--beep--
Whenever I hear small beeps, I have to "echo" them with a small hummed beep of the same pitch. Such as: clocking in and out at work (swipe time card, "beep"), punching in my PIN at the cash machine, etc.

I also have to hum along with the vacuum cleaner, diswasher, other things like that.

When people are around, I do it very quietly, but when no one's around, it's quite loud and very satisfying.
(Fri 8th Apr 2005, 3:40, More)

» Black Sheep

The mystery grandfather
My mom's father is by far the black sheep of the family. Observe:

I realized, when doing the family tree several years ago, that no one knows who my great-grandfather (his dad) was. I asked my great-grandmother and she told me he was "an immaculate conception."

Grandad then grew up to drink several six-packs of beer a day and beat the everliving snot out of my mother and aunt.

I have three children (9,8,6) whom he has never laid eyes on because he doesn't leave his bedroom. I'm married for the second time, he's not met either husband. My sisters are 17 and 15, and I'm not sure he's ever met them either.

When I was 5, my mother decided that I should spend some time with my grandparents (probably so I would see what they were like and never want to see them again, which worked). Grandad and I went fishing a lot, which consisted of me fishing, him drinking a lot of beer (but always very politely offering me one first!), getting pissed and then making me drive home. Yes, putting phone books on the seat, his feet on the pedals and the five-year-old me steering.

I hope he dies soon.
(Wed 19th Jan 2005, 14:52, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

Mesmerized?
Didn't want to post in such a lovely question of the week, but future husband said I had to.

First serious boyfriend and I took each other's virginity and then spent the first year of college taking it over and over again in odd places. One day, while attempting to study in the library, we started to get a little grabby under the table - started getting suspicious glances from other students, so took our books up to a quiet spot on the second floor (first floor to you).
Fast forward to a few minutes later - he's sitting on the desktop of a carrel, pants around knees, I'm in front of him, um, polishing the flagpole. Right towards the end, both of us look over and realize we're in front of a rather large window, where we can be seen from a side view.

Students are walking back and forth across the quad, totally oblivious to us in the window - except for one guy, stood stock still in the middle of the sidewalk, mouth open a little and eyes wide.

Thank god there were no camera phones then.
(Fri 4th Jun 2004, 12:20, More)