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- a member for 5 years, 9 months and 24 days
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» The Onosecond
Fun with poetry
I'm kind of stretching this to its natural limits, but here goes...
English class, year 11, posh grammar school. Very nice, butter-wouldn't-melt English teacher sets, for Valentine's Day, a poem on the theme of love and vegetables.
Cue my epic in the form of:
My love
I give you a cucumber
You'll need it
Because you're dumped
This being a heinous crime against nature, I was swiftly dragged up to the office of the Head of English, told that what I had written was offensive to all women and given a detention. Another guy also got a detention, for his poem which apparently contained the lines "Take a stick of celery/Rub it on my bum".
To be fair, what did my teacher expect, giving a subject like "Love and Vegetables" to a class of teenage boys? It's like giving matches, petrol and copies of the Daily Mail to left wing arsonists.
(Fri 27th May 2005, 18:44, More)
Fun with poetry
I'm kind of stretching this to its natural limits, but here goes...
English class, year 11, posh grammar school. Very nice, butter-wouldn't-melt English teacher sets, for Valentine's Day, a poem on the theme of love and vegetables.
Cue my epic in the form of:
My love
I give you a cucumber
You'll need it
Because you're dumped
This being a heinous crime against nature, I was swiftly dragged up to the office of the Head of English, told that what I had written was offensive to all women and given a detention. Another guy also got a detention, for his poem which apparently contained the lines "Take a stick of celery/Rub it on my bum".
To be fair, what did my teacher expect, giving a subject like "Love and Vegetables" to a class of teenage boys? It's like giving matches, petrol and copies of the Daily Mail to left wing arsonists.
(Fri 27th May 2005, 18:44, More)
» Losing Your Virginity
Hmm
Lost it age 15 to my (now ex) girlfriend, in a homeless hostel where she was living. The walls were paper thin-come to think of it, they probably were made out of paper. Being an inexperienced little gonk, I correctly managed to completely miss the hole, after which she bellowed at the top of her lungs "THAT'S MY ARSE". Having anticipated all this for about 13 hours beforehand, and shitscared about seeing a real human female twat, I duly became temporarily impotent. Fun fun fun.
At least somebody laughed: the woman next door, it was later revealed, had to stuff a cushion over her face to keep from laughing after hearing my ex-missus bellowing about the wanderings of my cock. Oh, and she blurted all the sordid details around college, and on a fairly popular Internet forum. Whoops.
(Fri 4th Mar 2005, 22:18, More)
Hmm
Lost it age 15 to my (now ex) girlfriend, in a homeless hostel where she was living. The walls were paper thin-come to think of it, they probably were made out of paper. Being an inexperienced little gonk, I correctly managed to completely miss the hole, after which she bellowed at the top of her lungs "THAT'S MY ARSE". Having anticipated all this for about 13 hours beforehand, and shitscared about seeing a real human female twat, I duly became temporarily impotent. Fun fun fun.
At least somebody laughed: the woman next door, it was later revealed, had to stuff a cushion over her face to keep from laughing after hearing my ex-missus bellowing about the wanderings of my cock. Oh, and she blurted all the sordid details around college, and on a fairly popular Internet forum. Whoops.
(Fri 4th Mar 2005, 22:18, More)