Profile for Letharge:
Profile In celebration of a years worth of almost constant lurking, and brief appearances on the talk board, I've put a link to my profile, in my profile. Woo. Yay.
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Profile In celebration of a years worth of almost constant lurking, and brief appearances on the talk board, I've put a link to my profile, in my profile. Woo. Yay.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» World's Sickest Joke
Nuns, aren't they great...
The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven. Which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "... Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!" "What a wonderful answer!" the Nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs". The Nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
"Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying "O God, I'm coming!" If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost her."
Again sorry.
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 1:14, More)
Nuns, aren't they great...
The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven. Which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "... Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!" "What a wonderful answer!" the Nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs". The Nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
"Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying "O God, I'm coming!" If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost her."
Again sorry.
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 1:14, More)
» Stuff You've Overheard
Earwigging on a bus? Never.
The scene: A few years ago on the number 11 bus in Brum.
Me and 3 mates sat on the back seat of the top deck heading to Acocks Green. Sitting just in front was a Rastafarian bloke, his missus and misbehaving sprog. Rastafarian turns to his son and says (apply accent as required) "I brought ya inta dis world, I take you out again"
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 16:22, More)
Earwigging on a bus? Never.
The scene: A few years ago on the number 11 bus in Brum.
Me and 3 mates sat on the back seat of the top deck heading to Acocks Green. Sitting just in front was a Rastafarian bloke, his missus and misbehaving sprog. Rastafarian turns to his son and says (apply accent as required) "I brought ya inta dis world, I take you out again"
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 16:22, More)
» Local Nutters
Scissor boy of Solihull
That's what I'm calling him anyway. Last Christmas I worked at WHSmith in Solihull, a veritable hotbed for humorous situations, from the woman who dribbled on the counter while signing a cheque to sequential customers buying Watership Down 'Syndrome' and Black Hawk Down's'.
So, the nutter. Twas one day after Christmas and in walks anorak boy, carrying the optional Carlton shopping bag (the kind your mother always has), and shuffles up to me and asks for scissors. So I direct scissor boy towards what he’s after. No, this doesn’t satisfy. He wants “Borrow!” Now, I just want to get rid of him, so I go over to the pens counter, take a pair of scissors out of the draw and put them on the counter. Scissor boy dumps the shopping bag down on the counter and takes out a loaf of bread, medium sliced white Hovis IIRC. Then he removes some photocopied patterns and shapes from the bag, drags the ‘OAP’ chair (you know what I mean) over to the counter and proceeds to cut out the shapes. Now I’m struggling to stifle the my laughter, so I go over to another part of the store and have little giggle. The nutter now starts singing, in the classic ‘tard style (loud and random noises, as if you need to know). Me and another lad on the multimedia section look at one another, in recognition of the mutual need to snigger; cue sniggering. After a few minutes of singing and sniggering it stops. So I go over to see what the mess is like, and if the scissors are still there. Fair play to scissor boy though, he’d put all the clippings in the bin and not kept the scissors to wield at customers. And he kept me amused for the rest of the day.
(Fri 17th Sep 2004, 12:10, More)
Scissor boy of Solihull
That's what I'm calling him anyway. Last Christmas I worked at WHSmith in Solihull, a veritable hotbed for humorous situations, from the woman who dribbled on the counter while signing a cheque to sequential customers buying Watership Down 'Syndrome' and Black Hawk Down's'.
So, the nutter. Twas one day after Christmas and in walks anorak boy, carrying the optional Carlton shopping bag (the kind your mother always has), and shuffles up to me and asks for scissors. So I direct scissor boy towards what he’s after. No, this doesn’t satisfy. He wants “Borrow!” Now, I just want to get rid of him, so I go over to the pens counter, take a pair of scissors out of the draw and put them on the counter. Scissor boy dumps the shopping bag down on the counter and takes out a loaf of bread, medium sliced white Hovis IIRC. Then he removes some photocopied patterns and shapes from the bag, drags the ‘OAP’ chair (you know what I mean) over to the counter and proceeds to cut out the shapes. Now I’m struggling to stifle the my laughter, so I go over to another part of the store and have little giggle. The nutter now starts singing, in the classic ‘tard style (loud and random noises, as if you need to know). Me and another lad on the multimedia section look at one another, in recognition of the mutual need to snigger; cue sniggering. After a few minutes of singing and sniggering it stops. So I go over to see what the mess is like, and if the scissors are still there. Fair play to scissor boy though, he’d put all the clippings in the bin and not kept the scissors to wield at customers. And he kept me amused for the rest of the day.
(Fri 17th Sep 2004, 12:10, More)
» World's Sickest Joke
If you're not of a racist disposition look away now...
A woman gets onto a bus, pays the fare, takes her ticket and sits down. After a while there is a loud thud. The woman gets up and asks the driver what the thud was, to which the driver says 'It was nothing, I just ran over a Paki'. The the woman slightly shocked goes and sits back down. There is another loud thud, just after the woman sits down. She again asks the driver what the thud was and the drivers reply is the same 'It was nothing, I just ran over a Paki'. More than a bit concerned the woman returns to her seat. A short while later there are two loud thuds. The woman gets up from her seat and storms up to the driver and demands to know what's going on. The driver turns and says to the woman 'I had to go on the pavement to get that one'.
Sorry.
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 1:09, More)
If you're not of a racist disposition look away now...
A woman gets onto a bus, pays the fare, takes her ticket and sits down. After a while there is a loud thud. The woman gets up and asks the driver what the thud was, to which the driver says 'It was nothing, I just ran over a Paki'. The the woman slightly shocked goes and sits back down. There is another loud thud, just after the woman sits down. She again asks the driver what the thud was and the drivers reply is the same 'It was nothing, I just ran over a Paki'. More than a bit concerned the woman returns to her seat. A short while later there are two loud thuds. The woman gets up from her seat and storms up to the driver and demands to know what's going on. The driver turns and says to the woman 'I had to go on the pavement to get that one'.
Sorry.
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 1:09, More)
» World's Sickest Joke
Can't beat the classics
What were Rod Hull's last words?
"Emu, grab hold of that fucking gutter!"
Alternatively:
"Fly! You fucker, fly!"
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 1:32, More)
Can't beat the classics
What were Rod Hull's last words?
"Emu, grab hold of that fucking gutter!"
Alternatively:
"Fly! You fucker, fly!"
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 1:32, More)