» Shame

which one do you want?
then there's the story of me using the f-word in front of my parents because somehow, at the age of four (don't ask) i had come into the belief that the word meant "lego" in french.

again, don't ask.
(Wed 30th Nov 2005, 21:08, More)

» Shame

which one do you want?
or the one where the aforementioned james ended up having a semi-argument with a steaming drunk mother of one of his mates. she's the kind of mother who dresses well, looks like she's still in her early 30's, and is sufficiently well-tanned to give the impression of being the sole contributor to the running of the local tanfastic.

anyways, a little tipsy, she walks in.
he says "y'aright barb?" (barb wasn't her name)

she says "what?"

somehow this turns into an argument whereby everyone in the kitchen wants to laugh because james is verbally abusing the woman, and she doesn't seem to realise it.
another parent comes in and asks whats happening.
no-one says anything, still wanting to laugh and leave in embarrassment, but rooted to the spot through sheer audacity.

gentleman leaves, assuming something is going on, but nothing can be done.

argument resumes, with milf barb trying to be funny and failing miserably: "i bet you've got balls like marbles, haven't you?"

to which james replies: "get the marbles out, i'll beat you at that, too!"
nonsense, but perfect.

cue silence.
(Wed 30th Nov 2005, 21:14, More)

» Shame

which story do you want?
a friend (yes, a friend, i.e. not me) did this almost shameful, racist, homophobic, anti-equestrian thing a while ago. the story was relayed to me by my brother:

whilst around at another friend's house (whom i shall call friend sheena, and is, shall we say, not caucasian), my friend (i'll call damien) was having a laugh with another friend (james). at the house too, with sheena, james and damien, my brother and more of his mates, were two lady-loving-ladies. great.

now, rumours had abounded previously of our friend james enjoying the manlove. with a friend, who, again, name changed, i shall call pete. these rumours had abounded, but neither involved would say anything on the subject.

so, anyways, james and damien were having a laugh together. then james insults friend a (the insult has been lost to time, due to it's rubbishness), and my friend replies with possibly one of the best lines ever:

"yeah, well you sucked pete off like a c**n!"

two lesbians and a non-white in da house.
classic.
(Wed 30th Nov 2005, 21:06, More)

» Claims to Fame

chivalrous boom!!!!!
i am the sexy beast third person down looking straight into the camera being a chivalrous bastard on www.xaverian.ac.uk! kiss my irrelevant non-fame-claimage!




make your daddy random, son!
(Mon 28th Feb 2005, 21:32, More)