Profile for hismastersvice:
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- a member for 9 years, 2 months and 18 days
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- has posted 46 stories and 1 replies on question of the week
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» First rude thing I ever saw
More tea Vicar?
The local park had a line of immature pines that were like Christmas trees.
Perfect for making huts. One dewy Sunday morn we discovered a mother-load of greasy stick-books under one. Stashed. We had a look. What to do? It didn't possess us to take 'em home. The church carpark was over the fence. 30 minutes or so later - CUT TO: families exit the church, sharing banalities with the vicar on their way out. Every single car windscreen had a dirty bitch and her hairy slot ripped out of a mag and pasted to it care of the dew, or light rain or whatever it was. Me and my brother were about 6 or 7. We'd pissed off home fast after the deed. And I've always pictured the looks on those happy god-abiding families faces.
(Fri 12th Aug 2011, 5:10, More)
More tea Vicar?
The local park had a line of immature pines that were like Christmas trees.
Perfect for making huts. One dewy Sunday morn we discovered a mother-load of greasy stick-books under one. Stashed. We had a look. What to do? It didn't possess us to take 'em home. The church carpark was over the fence. 30 minutes or so later - CUT TO: families exit the church, sharing banalities with the vicar on their way out. Every single car windscreen had a dirty bitch and her hairy slot ripped out of a mag and pasted to it care of the dew, or light rain or whatever it was. Me and my brother were about 6 or 7. We'd pissed off home fast after the deed. And I've always pictured the looks on those happy god-abiding families faces.
(Fri 12th Aug 2011, 5:10, More)
» Evil Pranks
The Old Circular Saw Trick.
Once when a mate pissed me off i crept into his room at 2am, quietly plugged in a handheld circular saw, held it 3 inches above his face, and turned it on.
It was rather loud.
He didn't appreciate the humour of it (even though I had the blade guard on).
Instead he shat his bed.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 21:12, More)
The Old Circular Saw Trick.
Once when a mate pissed me off i crept into his room at 2am, quietly plugged in a handheld circular saw, held it 3 inches above his face, and turned it on.
It was rather loud.
He didn't appreciate the humour of it (even though I had the blade guard on).
Instead he shat his bed.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 21:12, More)
» My first experience of porn
Cup Runneth Over
Me and my brother found some stick books under a young bushy pine tree at the Park. We were 6 or 7. It had been raining - they were wet - pages sticking together. We had a good perve, then now what?
Over the fence was a church car park.
That day the congregation, happy shiny families etc came our of church to be greeted by spread-eagled ladies showing us where the axe got them - all wet and plastered onto all the car windscreens like shit to a blanket.
Never forget that. Heh.
(Fri 26th Jan 2007, 11:13, More)
Cup Runneth Over
Me and my brother found some stick books under a young bushy pine tree at the Park. We were 6 or 7. It had been raining - they were wet - pages sticking together. We had a good perve, then now what?
Over the fence was a church car park.
That day the congregation, happy shiny families etc came our of church to be greeted by spread-eagled ladies showing us where the axe got them - all wet and plastered onto all the car windscreens like shit to a blanket.
Never forget that. Heh.
(Fri 26th Jan 2007, 11:13, More)
» When I met the parents
Jesus Frickin Hardcore
New Girlfriend.
We arrive at her aunty and Uncles place on Xmas eve. We crash for the night in their study - naked on a squab with a thin blanket.
Early in the morn. Knock Knock. It's her aunty - she needs to print her sermon, so she enters in her vicar outfit. SHE IS A FRIGGIN VICAR!
Then her uncle enters, needs a hand with his archbishops ouftit. He apologises for the intrusion but xmas day is their busiest day. HE IS AN ARCH-FRIGGIN BISHOP!!!
We continue to lie naked in the middle of the room under hardly any covering. Then her dad arrives, let's himself in and makes small talk, while i like buck naked next to his lovely daughter.
First time I met any of them. Thank god I never got a 'tent' on.
And I'm sure that the room stank of sex.
(Wed 25th May 2005, 2:23, More)
Jesus Frickin Hardcore
New Girlfriend.
We arrive at her aunty and Uncles place on Xmas eve. We crash for the night in their study - naked on a squab with a thin blanket.
Early in the morn. Knock Knock. It's her aunty - she needs to print her sermon, so she enters in her vicar outfit. SHE IS A FRIGGIN VICAR!
Then her uncle enters, needs a hand with his archbishops ouftit. He apologises for the intrusion but xmas day is their busiest day. HE IS AN ARCH-FRIGGIN BISHOP!!!
We continue to lie naked in the middle of the room under hardly any covering. Then her dad arrives, let's himself in and makes small talk, while i like buck naked next to his lovely daughter.
First time I met any of them. Thank god I never got a 'tent' on.
And I'm sure that the room stank of sex.
(Wed 25th May 2005, 2:23, More)