» Stupid Tourists

Honest it's true.
At least I think so anyway. My friend promises me....

He witnesses a Glasgow woman smacking her kid. "I'll take my hand off your face!" etc etc.
German woman walks up to her, and scolds her "In Germany we do not hit our children!"
The reply "In Castlemilk we don't gas our Jews" silenced her.
(Mon 11th Jul 2005, 19:08, More)

» Best Comebacks

I'm Julian Clary's brother.
Years ago, I don't know how many, let's say 8.

Little brother and me arguing.
I think he was wearing something I thought was a bit camp.
Me:You're gay.
Him:No! You're gay!
Me:You're so gay it's unbelievable.
Him:You're so gay you're Julian Clary's brother.
Me:...
Him:?
Me:...
Him:... ah fuck you

So from that moment on, any time I felt like humiliating him, I told him I was Julian Clary's brother.
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 13:00, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

Makes me laugh anyway...
One of the girls at work has breast implants, she gets called rubberjugs.
(Fri 19th May 2006, 4:43, More)

» Lost...

Not me...but still
Woman phones up her bank (the one I work for).

We've call centres in the UK and in India. The routing system puts her to an Indian rep.

She proceeds to tell him she has 'lost' her husband.

He asks her where was the last place you had him, and put her through to lost and stolen...
(Sun 5th Dec 2004, 0:45, More)

» Petty Sabotage

Dodgy Party
Way back when I was at uni, some guy on the course that nobody liked had a party, we all went.

About 12.30am he'd had enough and started dropping hints that he wanted everybody to leave, by saying things like "I want everybody out".

I pissed in his kettle.
(Wed 4th May 2005, 22:33, More)