» Posh

Manor house blues
Not exactly family....but could've been!
I went out with a girl from uni who was a bit eccentric. I went out with her for a couple of weeks until she said "come back to my house and I'll show you my paintings."

"yes" I said.

When we finally arrived in sometinshire (cant remember exactly) we went to a petrol station in a small village. I looked onto the horizon and saw a nice looking house. I said "ooh there's a manor house over there!" And of course she replied "I know, that's where I live."
I thought "ace".
A huge 250 roomed house greeted me, as did various house keepers, and an old woman who who looked like Hyacinth Bucket. (Kirstens mother).
Found out my gfriend was daughter to a Lady, relative to someone royal.
The night was awful because she had coincided my visit with her nob friends coming round. Well of course I got lost in the house after drinking 2 bottles of marks and spencer white. I ended up in one of the many toilets. Being sick.

I had a phone call the next day from the LAdy saying she was upset that I had smashed a vase, vomited on a rug, and scratched a period door by falling into a table.
(Sat 17th Sep 2005, 10:48, More)

» I Quit!

Work Experience Reggae
1995 and it was Secondary school work experience. I was/am a musical person who requested a music position and so the careers advisor (everyone I've met is completely useless) said "I've tried very hard to find you a music position in a company and I think you'll be pleased!"
I sat there slightly nervous but excited.
Go to this address next Monday, be smart, polite and remember you are an amabassador for the school. "Okay sir, thanks!"

Got there the monday morning. He had sent me to a warehouse distributing music cd's......

I was slightly miffed, but I thought oh well if its for my own good, I started gritting my teeth and went in and had to pretend to like football and nervous laugh at every blokey comment. I had to endure this for a week. I had never worked before, especially in a testosterone filled atmosphere, and it was HARD. Never wanted to go in the mornings, but after a couple of days I started getting into a routine and trying to hide from the gaffer.
It was succesful until he found me leaning on the broomstick and he told me off. I cried in a corner and nearly lost it and ran home. I stayed, had lunch and cheered up a bit. I got to the end of the week thinking thank baby jesus on the cross I had finished. I had heard rumours of some of the other kids in my class getting big payouts for there work, like £100 and £50 etc...the boss took me upstairs into the office. I was thinking this is where I can buy several AMiga games at once! YES! Weekend sorted!

He opened a box and brought out two CD's.

These CD's were
100% Reggae.
The best of The Seekers.

I got home and was very upset.
I invited my mate round to listen to the discs. We decided to set fire to them over the woods, I cracked open a lighter and sprinkled fluid over them and my mate ran from the kitchen with a lit piece of paper from the oven. Why we did it in that order I don't know. But it set fire to them and we sniffed the burning plastic. He said to me "never mind its finished now, just enjoy getting high man"

So Work Experience is SHITTT!!!!

Blazed. Kiss.

Tom
cardinaluk@hotmail.com
(Fri 23rd May 2008, 10:58, More)

» Walkman Flashbacks

Shakedown.
Bob Seger's Shakedown.
I was walking back from a college in the centre of Bham and it was getting dark on a warm Summers eve. This was with the old bullring area and all the very dodgy underground subwayish areas. (all knocked down, or up) I was being followed by some perps with hoods. I know they were stalking me so I turned a corner into a dark hall with several exits. I decided to put some distance between me and losing my walkman. "Shakedown" (Bev Hills cop2) was on the walkman as I ran for my life through a network of abandoned subways. Every time I hear it I get a sweat.
I got away by the way, and I remember punching the air as I got on the bus.
(Sat 26th Mar 2005, 11:46, More)

» That's when I knew it was over...

MY date with an Irish PE teacher with a v slim body.
I was out of my depth with a highly attractive woman. She was Irish and I find Irish women quite attractive due to their accent. So I was nervous. And so I started making mistakes. I drank a triple brandy and coke and two pints while speaking with her. Then I broke out into an Irish song about Galway to end an awkward silence. I then took her to another pub and said, does your dad tarmac drives? Has he got eyebrows on his cheeks? That's when I knew she wanted to leave. I hate having to date people. It just gets in the way.
(Wed 27th Jul 2005, 1:11, More)

» Weddings

Stupid back.
At an old friends wedding. Full of middle aged pikeys and chav type people. A few friends were there, one friend had 2 pints and that was his limit; (Or his calling to act like a gimp.) For some reason he was pissed and he and my brother and 3 others ended up on a balcony outside the main party area. This was during a full swing wedding party with up to 200 guests. He proceeded to do a Bark slice on the balcony in front of all his friends. I was not there but told in graphic detail by my brother who met up with me later. He told me that Ross (one of the onlookers) was crying with happiness and my brother was in a foetal position holding in his golden discharge. I saw images due to the camera phone my brother had got. The man of the moment met up with me later and told me amongst many failed attempts due to laughter: "I tried to wipe my ass with a bit of knapkin, but it blew away around the corner following a disgusted couple. It ended up in the party room."
(Mon 18th Jul 2005, 22:57, More)