Profile for I've done it so many times it's boring now...:
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- a member for 5 years, 6 months and 16 days
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» Stuff You've Overheard
On a packed bus yesterday...
A particularly young scally mother got on, now there was some bloke sat in the bit for mothers and babies so he dutifully moved. This scally bitch then starts on at this nice young man, "you shouldn't have been fuckin sat there int first place fuckin cock..." you get the picture. This Guy calmly turns round and says loud for the whole bus to here, "It's not just your legs you have trouble keeping shut I see!" Everyone pissed.
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 11:05, More)
On a packed bus yesterday...
A particularly young scally mother got on, now there was some bloke sat in the bit for mothers and babies so he dutifully moved. This scally bitch then starts on at this nice young man, "you shouldn't have been fuckin sat there int first place fuckin cock..." you get the picture. This Guy calmly turns round and says loud for the whole bus to here, "It's not just your legs you have trouble keeping shut I see!" Everyone pissed.
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 11:05, More)
» Now, there was no need for that...
I went sailing...
for the first time last year. I'm still getting to grips with the lovely toilet mechanism (you let sea water in then pump the offending material way with a manual pump) and the handle snaps off in my hands. Maybe i was pumpin too vigirously. Bear in mind there's still sea water pumping into this lav and before you know it it's overflowing and i can't get it to stop. Cue me screaming for help and that the yacht is sinking and water flowing merrily out of the toilet door. The skipper comes down as as if it can't get any worse stares in horror at my first rate poo as it floats past his foot and into the bunkroom. Bugger.
(Fri 17th Jun 2005, 12:07, More)
I went sailing...
for the first time last year. I'm still getting to grips with the lovely toilet mechanism (you let sea water in then pump the offending material way with a manual pump) and the handle snaps off in my hands. Maybe i was pumpin too vigirously. Bear in mind there's still sea water pumping into this lav and before you know it it's overflowing and i can't get it to stop. Cue me screaming for help and that the yacht is sinking and water flowing merrily out of the toilet door. The skipper comes down as as if it can't get any worse stares in horror at my first rate poo as it floats past his foot and into the bunkroom. Bugger.
(Fri 17th Jun 2005, 12:07, More)
» Things you've done when you've had no money.
Baby rabbits
When I was a very little kid and lived on a farm, my mum and dad were way poor.
As a result my dad had to go hunting for rabbits! This all was going well (after mum got used to skinning their still warm bodies) until spring time when one day she discovered the unborn baby rabbits inside their mum. They slithered out into the kitchen sink and were still (barely) alive and moving.
Mum had had enough at this and ran out of the kitchen screaming leaving me to cry in my own shit filled napppy til dad came to sort the mess out.
They also regularly dined on boiled pigs head!
(Fri 8th Oct 2004, 12:32, More)
Baby rabbits
When I was a very little kid and lived on a farm, my mum and dad were way poor.
As a result my dad had to go hunting for rabbits! This all was going well (after mum got used to skinning their still warm bodies) until spring time when one day she discovered the unborn baby rabbits inside their mum. They slithered out into the kitchen sink and were still (barely) alive and moving.
Mum had had enough at this and ran out of the kitchen screaming leaving me to cry in my own shit filled napppy til dad came to sort the mess out.
They also regularly dined on boiled pigs head!
(Fri 8th Oct 2004, 12:32, More)
» My Worst Date
My flat mate at uni
Picture a very thin wall so all could be heard of the ensuing conversation with the not so subtle Tony and this girl he brought home one night.
Cue a bit of moaning and heavy breathing.
Girl: "stop stop i can't I'm on my period"
Tony: "well you know what they say love, 'When the river runs red take the dirt track instead!"
Cue front door slamming.
What a sweet sensitive lover...
(Tue 26th Oct 2004, 12:47, More)
My flat mate at uni
Picture a very thin wall so all could be heard of the ensuing conversation with the not so subtle Tony and this girl he brought home one night.
Cue a bit of moaning and heavy breathing.
Girl: "stop stop i can't I'm on my period"
Tony: "well you know what they say love, 'When the river runs red take the dirt track instead!"
Cue front door slamming.
What a sweet sensitive lover...
(Tue 26th Oct 2004, 12:47, More)
» Hidden Treasure
In my student days..
On my merry way home after a nights drinking and I find a group of mysteriously placed traffic cones. 'Bingo!' I think, and proceed to take them home to decorate the old pad. Amazingly the next day, on my way to uni I found a car down a hole in round about the same spot as I found the cones the previous night! I think it maybe some sort of lucky spot.
(Tue 5th Jul 2005, 14:12, More)
In my student days..
On my merry way home after a nights drinking and I find a group of mysteriously placed traffic cones. 'Bingo!' I think, and proceed to take them home to decorate the old pad. Amazingly the next day, on my way to uni I found a car down a hole in round about the same spot as I found the cones the previous night! I think it maybe some sort of lucky spot.
(Tue 5th Jul 2005, 14:12, More)