» Evidence that you're getting old

I realised that I'm a real Aussie and I'm getting old
when I started going to bar-b-q's at friends houses every weekend instead of the pub and there were more offspring running around than adults...
(Fri 29th Oct 2004, 7:38, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Last resort
A woman is woken up in the middle of the night by her husband jamming head-ache pills into her mouth. She spits them out and asks him what the hell he's doing. "I thought you had a headache"
"No I don't" she shouts. Then he whips his cock out and says "good. lets fuck"
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 11:49, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Guiness Book of Records
Three guys are sitting round in the pub sinking a few.
The first guy goes "I'm going to try to go into the guiness book of records as the man with the biggest feet in the world"
The second guy goes "yeah well I'M gonna go to the guiness book of records and prove that I have the longest fingers in the world".
Not to be outdone the third guy goes "well I'm gonna go to the Guiness Book of records and prove I have the smallest cock in the world"
And off they go...
First guy comes out and goes "yeah I have the biggest feet in the world. I knew it."
Second guy comes out "I told you I had the longest fingers in the world"
Third guy comes out "hey have any of you ever heard of [insert male friends full name you're telling joke to]"
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 10:45, More)

» Things you've done when you've had no money.

Beer
I know I guy whos a poor alco (no correlation there). Pretty much every Friday night everyone is at his house drinking and hanging out. Once everyone has gone home he goes around the house and collects all the half drunk beers, puts them in the fridge then goes to bed.
First thing Saturday morn he's off to buy a couple of bottles of beer. Tops up each of the leftover flat beers with the fresh fizzy beers and drinks them for as long as he can stretch them...
His record is 27 of these sad beers!
I'd be lying if I said I hadnt done this too once or twice in my poorer days. Try it - it works!
(Tue 12th Oct 2004, 3:25, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Group Reading Time
I think i was about 7 at the time. In the morning I was feeling unwell but my mother would always make me go to school no matter what. So she made me eat an orange and sent me off to class.
An hour later it's group reading time - you know when you used to sit around on the floor in a circle and take turns reading from your books.
Now it was my turn to read and the nervousness tipped me over the edge... I opened my mouth but instead of words orange liquid projected forth spraying all the poor kids in my circle and their books... oops.
(Wed 25th Aug 2004, 5:50, More)