» Job Interviews

When I got stuck ...
I went to an interview and a large telecoms company. When I arrived there was lots of "repartitioning" going on and walls were being moved around. I did the first part of the interview fairly well, and managed the barage of questions easily (mmm - rub that ego boy!). The second part was in another room, and the nice Personnel lady took me in and told me to complete a quick Q&A sheet.

"I'll be back in about half an hour", she said.

Well.. 30 minutes came and went. I sat and sat, waiting for the nice lady to come back... however, she did not. After about 45 minutes I got a bit concerned, but not wanting to be found wandering around the corridors, I figured it'd be best to sit tight. After an hour I heard a rumble of feet outside the door as people went to lunch. By this time I was busting for a piss (sipping all that water due to the nerves wasn't a good idea). I decided to get out. There weren't any phones in the room so I figured the only option was to walk out...

... then I found it... a key-coded door. But it was on the INSIDE.. My brain couldn't comprehend it.. I realised it must've had something to do with the rapid office moves.. I was stuck, and really, really needing a piss.

... Aha! My mobile!

I grabbed my mobile... but there wasn't much of a signal. So I ended up standing on a table. The only number I had was for the job agency that got me this interview, so I called them. After explaining my situation and getting my "caring sharing" agency rep saying....

"Hang on, I'll put you speaker phone - can you just tell me what's happened again?"

I was really needing a piss and really wasn't in the mood for it at the time.

"You're joking right? There's no way they'd put a keylock on the inside. And you're standing on a table now ? Eheheheh ? Really? AHHAHA!!"

.. After a few more minutes I managed to pursuade them that NO, I really wasn't joking and I really WAS stuck. They eventually called reception and a security guard came up to let me out, "I told them to take this bloody door off, it's the old one - this used to be the corridor where you're sitting now".

.. After a quick trip to the bog I met up with the Personnel bird, who apologised endlessly and gave me some free o2 (doah! sorry) pens. She'd buggered off for lunch and left me. Cow.

Anyhow, I got home and people took the piss for weeks afterwards. I got the job in the end, but decided not to take it.
(Mon 24th Jan 2005, 17:59, More)

» Out of my depth

Interview from hell
I stupidly agreed to go to an interview the day after my 21st birthday. I woke up rather worse for wear on the morning of the interview in my mates house and gracefully stepped over the heaped bodies of my mates who were sleeping around the lounge. I managed to have a wash and get my clothes on in the kitchen, which was the best choice as the bathroom had been "decorated" with a load of curry from the night before.

Anyhoo, I turned up to the interview and things were going swimingly. I was proud of myself. Not only had I managed to get totally trolleyed the night before, but I'd woken up at the right time, got changed and washed and I was answering the questions with ease. Well.. everything WAS going well until one of the interview panel asked..

"I notice from your CV that it was your birthday yesterday"

"Yes", I reply, brimming with pride.

"That would probably explain why you only have one eyebrow and part of your hair is missing."

I almost shat myself. My brain completely stopped working and I went as red as a post box. It was my own fault for not using a mirror - I was so hungover I'd not even bothered. I managed to fumble may way through the rest of the interview, claiming I knew nothing of it - which was true, but they did not believe. They thought I was having a laugh and never gave me the job.

Arse.
(Thu 21st Oct 2004, 12:07, More)

» The Onosecond

Since BT made it possible to..
..send text messages to "regular" home phones and have them read out by a computerized voice I was particularly surprised that swear-words weren't censored, so I was having much fun texting my mates. They answer the phone at home, and then some computer bird reads out, "Hey, are you coming down the pub fuck face?"

This went really well until I went to the pub one night and got a really funny (but highly racist, sexist and sweary) text message. I forwarded it on to my entire phone-book... which unfortunately included several home phone numbers - one in particular was the vicar who's doing our wedding next year.

I really hope he's got a sense of humour...
(Wed 1st Jun 2005, 14:16, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

Supermarket shoppers...
I used to work for Safeway, stacking the shelves etc. These events all happened...

1) I got asked where the bread was whilst standing in the bread aisle, stacking bread. It's quite embarassing to point to a loaf of bread 4 inches away and say, "it's here". The lady in question went very red and walked off.

2) I had a very irate old lady stating that the Sainsburys Beans she had purchased were "definitely bought from here", and she wanted her money back, as the tin was dented. I explained to her that Sainsburys Beans are not sold by Safeway. In fact, I stated this fact about 8 times, but she went on to state that, "I don't care who makes them, you sell them" ... again I tried to explain that Sainsburys was a shop AND yes, possibly a beans manufacturer, but we still wouldn't sell their product in a Safeway store. She wittered on for about 30 minutes, telling me that we did HP Beans, Heinz Beans and - oh yes - definitely Sainsburys Beans too.

Despite me repeating that Sainsburys are a shop, and a competitor, she then went on to state that she'd also purchased Sainsburys Beans from the local Kwik Save too. Fearing for my sanity, I decided enough was enough and refund her - as she wanted her "money back now".... Even though we had never sold the beans to her.. I asked her how much they were.... Which then led to another tirade of "you should know how much they were, you sold them to me"... Again, we went round in a never-ending loop of "No, we did not sell these to you, so even though I'd like to refund you the cost, I don't know how much you paid because you didn't purchase them here..." .. "Yes, I bought them here" , "No, Madam, you didn't", "Are you calling me a fibber sonny?" etc etc

In the end we settled on an exchange, and I gave her a free tin of beans that should've been 23p.

3) I got asked by an elderly gent when the store closed. I said, "We're open 24 hours" ... he replied, "Ok, but when do you close?" ...
(Fri 2nd Jan 2004, 13:57, More)