Bored....

(Thu 5th Oct 2006, 12:40, More)

Any B3tans from Rugely, staffs? Because I saw this in the car park...

(Sun 14th Aug 2005, 20:43, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

Two stories from Boarding School
I used to go to boarding school, although I didn't board myself. Here are two stories that come to mind....

1: Midnight 'Liberty X' wanking
One night, my best friend woke up in the early hours of the morning with an incredibly dry throat. Wandering half asleep down the corridor to the communal fridge to get a carton of milk, he was rudely jolted into full consciousness by the sight of his next-door neighbour (a strange German/Chinese boy called Georg who had a tendency to stalk my female friends) pulling one off. Stark naked. In the Common room. In front of a full length mirror. To make matters worse, he was wanking in time to the Liberty X track 'Sexy' (which he most definately was not). My mate wisely decided it was best to leave him to it, and from that day forward it became a tradition for people to bring back Vanilla Yoghurt pots from lunch and smear it over any mirror in sight.

2: Public Library wanking
It was just before our English A-Levels, and me, a friend and her Italian b/f were in the school library doing some revision. After finishing going through her essay I went over to her table and started chatting to them, and was confused by the fact that neither of them seemed to be concentrating on what I was saying. I commented on this, and then got a glare from my friend. At this point my eyes strayed downwards and I realised that she was wanking her b/f off. I decided to leave them to it.

The best thing about the whole episode was that in our next English lesson I was able to tell our teacher with a perfectly straight face "(my friend's) been working ever so hard. Only this morning I caught her finishing off The Merchant of Venice in the Library". My shins were bruised for weeks from the under-table kick I got, by my god it was worth it.

I make no apologies whatsoever for my length.
(Tue 1st Jun 2004, 19:47, More)

» Conspiracy theory nutters

I work for an MP, so conspiracy theorists and assorted nutters are my stock in trade;
This one takes the biscuit though.


(Thu 27th Aug 2009, 17:35, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

Man on phone
Was walking through Gloucester city centre with a friend a couple of months back when we were approached by a man in a suit talking rather urgently into his mobile. As he passed us, we both heard a snippet of his end of the conversation;

"No, how can it be my fault? He wasn't on fire when I left!"

The mind boggles...
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 0:07, More)

» My Worst Vomit

How I almost puked on the Bishop of Ely before knocking myself out in a roomful of vomit
Ok, since you asked...

I sing for my College Choir, and on important College feast-days we have to sing grace before dinner can start. When we've done this we go to a small room above the main hall and get served the same meal that the Fellows/Honoured guests are eating down below, complete with unlimited quantities of port/wine.

I'd had a difficult couple of weeks what with personal issues etc and felt the need to get completely bladdered- which I immediately proceeded to do. By the end of the meal I was in no fit state for anything and had to be dragged down the stairs by a couple of friends- when we were suddenly confronted by the Bishop of Ely, who wanted to thank us for our performance earlier that evening.

After several appallingly embarassing seconds of trying to compose sentences that sounded even remotely sober I felt my stomach begin to lurch, and I somehow regained enough muscle control to barge past him and dash for my room (my friends later told me that the bishop shook his head sadly before making a quick exit). My next memory was waking up lying on the floor in my corridor's bathroom, every concievable surface of which was covered in the remains of a six-course meal that included trout, guinea fowl and about 3 bottles of port (trust me, not a good combination).

Judging from the bruise on my forehead I'd obviously slipped in my own vomit and smacked my skull on the sink. I woke up the next morning in my vomit-soaked dinner suit, realised what had happened and as I went outside to survey the damage I met my next-door neighbour coming leaving his room in a similar state. He'd also come home wankered, and as the bathroom was occupied by me ended up giving our kitchen the same treatment. The combined stench was so bad that when my other neighbour left her room she immediately puked up all over our corridor.

As I retreated back to my room after a morning of cleaning up I discovered that sometime in the night I'd also managed to puke in my sock. Nice.

Bit of an essay there, sorry.
(Thu 19th Aug 2004, 21:54, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

Historical hats
One night me and my friend were sitting around with little to do, so for a laugh we decided to go on ebay and search for various random items. The wine had flowed quite a bit, and so without giving too much thought we found ourselves the proud owners of a WW2 German steel helmet, and a fantastic-looking Ming Dynasty General's helmet that only cost £4.79...

The next day we were laughing over our purchases, and (still not really believing how cheap this 300 year old helmet was), and decided to go back to the item's page to check. Thankfully, it really was only £4.79- unfortunately, that didn't include the £59 postage for it to be shipped from China :(

Still, it came and it's pretty cool. Have a picture of my friend wearing it;


(Thu 9th Jun 2005, 17:28, More)