» The Onosecond

Sinking feeling...
In the process of designing the early part of our unfortunate (but necessary) redundancies, we needed to think about which office would be worst hit.

I printed the results...

ofuck.....

Only printed the whole report 13 times (appropriate, eh), to the unfortunate office we were planning to decimate. To every printer

Thank the Lord for the admin team there, they manned the printers, gathered the printouts and shredded them.

I'm a useless twunt, I know.
(Thu 26th May 2005, 10:59, More)

» Things you've done when you've had no money.

A Pint of Pennies
When I was at university in Derby (they do have one I'm sure) it had got to the end of term, which is the poorest time of all. I was left in the flat with the one other housemate who was stupid enough to get the cheapest flight back to Belfast with me. We knew the electricity was running out so everything was off. We had one of those card meters where you had to go to the local 24hr garage and buy a card (in valuee no less than £5) which you then slotted into the meter. We had already pushed the "emergency" button which gives you about a day's leccy but that had been 4 days ago...

ANYWAY, we gambled on a cup of tea at 4pm one night and the twatting leccy cut off. All we had between us were the coppers (2p's and 1p's) that were lying around the house. We collected all these up and had £5.15 - in a pint glass, which we duely took to the garage and poured onto the counter in return for a card...

and 15 penny sweets. Nice cup of tea though.

Apologies for length.
(Fri 8th Oct 2004, 12:30, More)

» Worst Nicknames Ever

The Ball
One lad at my school was a subject of tireless bullying due to his red hair and obesity.

One day the rotund fucker was sitting on the middle of the back seat of the bus when it had to stop suddenly. The bus was going downhill at the time and the sudden stop meant that the poor git was propelled out of his seat and rolled the whole way down the bus. From that day forward he was known as "Ball"
(Thu 18th May 2006, 16:46, More)

» When I met the parents

It was her 21st......
I had travelled up to darkest North England. I had spent a fortune on her and was more than a little nervous.

The uncle decided that I was "just about young enough" for her (I was 26). Her mother looked at me with eyes that said "get that thing away from my daughter", and the father.... well, that's the frightening bit. He didn't say a word. He just stood, very meek and quiet and looking, well fightened really. When I looked at him I could see the message he was trying to send me telepathically....

"Don't do it to yourself son. The women in this family break you".

As it turns out she dumped me almost immediately after receiving her present from me.

Bitch.

(Apologies for bitterness.....)
(Tue 24th May 2005, 10:14, More)

» Evidence that you're getting old

In bed on Saturday night
The (fit) girl I've pulled mentions that she is 19, and I realise I've just boned a girl younger than the youngest of my 5 younger siblings. By. 3. Years.

I felt so dirty (and very tired :)
(Thu 28th Oct 2004, 13:50, More)