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» Pet Stories

Montie
Montie is one of the biggest, rangiest cats I've ever seen. I'm sure he thinks he's a tiger and he's got a temperament to match. He once bit through my father's thumb nail when we were trying to get him into a cat box to go to the vets.

His favourite time of year is the summer because he can go out hunting in the fields. Most mornings he arrives back with a small rabbit in his mouth and then proceeds to eat almost the whole thing, hair and all, in one sitting. All that's left are a bit of intestine, the very top of the skull and two ears. He then sleeps it off for most of the rest of the day.

However, one day he surpassed himself. He was late coming back from the fields (he usually arrives in time for our breakfast time and we sit outside and have breakfast together in the summer) and we were just clearing the table when he was spotted coming down the drive with this in his mouth:

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It weighed in at just over 2lbs and he'd dragged it for about half a mile. The reason he was late was that he had to rest every few steps!

He still ate it though - took three sittings and a lot of sleeping to finish the job!
(Tue 12th Jun 2007, 10:30, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

The Older Generation
This is a story about my best mate's Grandfather, a kindly Dutch man who took us out for lunch one day. My mate and I were visiting him and his wife in Christchurch, Dorset, about ten years ago.

We met up and decided that a pub lunch was where it was at so ended up choosing a very nice, but packed, pub in the centre of town on the basis that it seemed to sell a good selection of real ales.

Anyway, it was about halfway through lunch and the pub was busy to a point where it was about 5 deep at the bar and the only empty space was a narrow walk-way around the backs of the punters at the bar and past the front door, where we entered, thus blocking the walk-way.

Just as we stepped into the pub (Grandad first) a buxom waitress (not exactly obese, but certainly not slim either) appeared from the kitchen behind the bar, carrying a large tray. She looked apprehensively at us, wondering how she was going to get through.

The Grandfather piped up in his thick Dutch accent: "Oh, come on my dear - you can get through there - you're not *THAT* big".

The poor girl went very red indeed and went back into the kitchen, whence she came.

The old boy was a really nice old chap, though, just a little non PC. And I like that ;-).
(Wed 28th Nov 2007, 14:39, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Seen in Cambridge for most of the 80s and early 90s...
This was the very frst bit of graffiti I ever appreciated:

There is a road on the way into Cambridge called 'Lady Margaret Road' and some bright spark had added 'IS B' to the sign, resulting in

'LADY MARGARET IS BROAD'

Cambridge City council painted over the graffiti but if you looked closely you could still see it.... Maybe you still can, I've not looked for a long time.
(Thu 3rd May 2007, 22:29, More)