» Near Death Experiences

When I was 14
I was cycling with a mate by a river in France. We noticed some bloke carrying a bag and a twin barrel shotgun walking ahead of us.
My mate turned to me and said "I think we should go a different way"
Just as I was about to concur, the man (who was about 15 yards away) turned towards us, pointed to gun in our direction, and fired.
Everything went in slow motion, the bang reached my ears about 3 seconds after I saw it happen, and about 3 seconds after that came the stinging pain...

Luckily for us, he had loaded shot, not wild boar killing rounds, which are the norm round there. The shot mainly hit our bikes, but my mate got a few pellets in the calf, and I got several ricochets to the face, which was nice.

Two hours later the local Gendarmes had taken him down, but only after he changed ammo to wild boar killing rounds and put three men out of action! Turns out he was a local madman who had robbed a bank. Before he was caught he concealed the money in a drain pipe. The money was never found, and he's been in a padded cell ever since :)

Sorry for length and girth, I've been told its hereditary.
(Tue 30th Nov 2004, 14:13, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

A man walks a child through the woods
The child turns to the man and says 'I'm scared'
The man replies 'You think you're scared, I just posted the same joke as fifty other people and there's an angry mob outside my door threatening to Bum Fuck me with a giant brontosaurus cock before peeling off my skin and rubbing salt onto me seeping wounds... whilst making me watch Neighbours...
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 12:11, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Told this one in the pub, then realised a table of Australians sitting behind me
An Australian, South African and an Englishman are having a cool beer in the desert.
The South African finishes his beer, throws his glass in the air and shoots it with his gun. 'In South Africa we have so many glasses, we never have to drink twice with the same one.'
The other two are impressed.
The Australian finishes his beer, and does the same. 'In Australia, we have so much sand, we never have to drink from the same glass twice either, we simply make more glasses!'
The other two are impressed.
The Englishman finishes his pint slowly, then carefully puts his glass down, before shooting both his companions in the guts. As they slowly die, he picks up his glass and says to them 'In England, we have so many fucking Australians and South Africans....'
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 11:34, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

what's got 4 legs and goes Miaow
A frozen dog on a bench saw
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 11:28, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

What's the best thing about you reading this?
You knowing that I'm slowly masturbating while thinking about your children...






/sorry
(Fri 10th Sep 2004, 11:36, More)