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» Stupid Tourists
How far can you see from the London Eye?
One American tourist on the London Eye reportedly pointed to the Crystal Palace transmitter, turned to his wife and said, "Gee honey, you can see Paris!"
Beergut
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 17:38, More)
How far can you see from the London Eye?
One American tourist on the London Eye reportedly pointed to the Crystal Palace transmitter, turned to his wife and said, "Gee honey, you can see Paris!"
Beergut
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 17:38, More)
» World's Sickest Joke
I read 26 pages of repetition and haven't found these yet
What do you call a russion with three testicles?
Oojanicka Bolokov
what do you call a Russion prostitute?
Onya Backyabitch
Why do brides wear white?
To match the rest of the appliances.
What is the differnece between a woman and a toilet?
You don't need to say "i love you" after using the toilet.
What do you do if you see a epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw your washing in.
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on pedal.
One sperm says to another, "how long till we reach the egg?"
The other replies, "A long way yet, we've only just passed the tonsils".
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.
(Not sick, but damn funny)
What do you say to a black man in a suit?
"Will the defendant please rise"
What do you say to a black man in a car?
"Stop, thief!"
Where do florida teachers go for thie holidays? All over the Gulf of Mexico.
(SPace Shuttle reference)
How do you make a Space Shuttle cocktail?
Seven up and a dash of Teachers on the rocks
How do you know antonio vasconcellos was a good host?
He let all his guests be found first.
(Marchioness reference)
What's the connection between Di and the national lottery?
They both had a rollover that week.
How do you stop black kids from jumping on the beds?
Velcro on the ceiling
Circumcision : the pay isn't good, but you can keep the tips
Why are the Dutch so relaxed?
Becuase they sent all the uptight ones to South Africa 100 years ago.
What does GAY stand for?
Got Aids Yet?
What does AIDS stand for?
Arse Injected Death Syndrome
What do you call a dog with wings?
Linda McCartney
There is going to be a re-union for survivors of the Herald of Free Enterprise disaster. It starts at 7; doors open at 8 .
Bradford is now a leading fashion centre. Apparently everyone is wearing flares and blazers.
(Bradford Fire reference)
I am an equal opportuntites offender. If anyone is not offended , then I apologise, I'll try and get you next time round.
(Sat 11th Sep 2004, 1:39, More)
I read 26 pages of repetition and haven't found these yet
What do you call a russion with three testicles?
Oojanicka Bolokov
what do you call a Russion prostitute?
Onya Backyabitch
Why do brides wear white?
To match the rest of the appliances.
What is the differnece between a woman and a toilet?
You don't need to say "i love you" after using the toilet.
What do you do if you see a epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw your washing in.
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on pedal.
One sperm says to another, "how long till we reach the egg?"
The other replies, "A long way yet, we've only just passed the tonsils".
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.
(Not sick, but damn funny)
What do you say to a black man in a suit?
"Will the defendant please rise"
What do you say to a black man in a car?
"Stop, thief!"
Where do florida teachers go for thie holidays? All over the Gulf of Mexico.
(SPace Shuttle reference)
How do you make a Space Shuttle cocktail?
Seven up and a dash of Teachers on the rocks
How do you know antonio vasconcellos was a good host?
He let all his guests be found first.
(Marchioness reference)
What's the connection between Di and the national lottery?
They both had a rollover that week.
How do you stop black kids from jumping on the beds?
Velcro on the ceiling
Circumcision : the pay isn't good, but you can keep the tips
Why are the Dutch so relaxed?
Becuase they sent all the uptight ones to South Africa 100 years ago.
What does GAY stand for?
Got Aids Yet?
What does AIDS stand for?
Arse Injected Death Syndrome
What do you call a dog with wings?
Linda McCartney
There is going to be a re-union for survivors of the Herald of Free Enterprise disaster. It starts at 7; doors open at 8 .
Bradford is now a leading fashion centre. Apparently everyone is wearing flares and blazers.
(Bradford Fire reference)
I am an equal opportuntites offender. If anyone is not offended , then I apologise, I'll try and get you next time round.
(Sat 11th Sep 2004, 1:39, More)
» World's Sickest Joke
A limerick
On the bridge stood the bishop of Buckingham
And his thoughts were on tits and of sucking'em
As he looked at the stunts
Of the cunts on the punts
And the tricks of the dicks that were fucking'em
I think I've run out of both sick and crude jokes now. :-(
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 23:52, More)
A limerick
On the bridge stood the bishop of Buckingham
And his thoughts were on tits and of sucking'em
As he looked at the stunts
Of the cunts on the punts
And the tricks of the dicks that were fucking'em
I think I've run out of both sick and crude jokes now. :-(
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 23:52, More)
» The last thing that made me cry
"Daddy. My Daddy"
Jenny Agutter at the end of the film of the Railway Children, running down the platform towards her father shouting, "Daddy. My Daddy". Brings a tear to my eye every time.
She also brings a tear to my eye in Logan's Run, Walkabout and (especially) An Amercian Werewolf in London ... but that is for an entirely different reason :-)
Rgds,
Beergut
(Sun 17th Apr 2005, 0:30, More)
"Daddy. My Daddy"
Jenny Agutter at the end of the film of the Railway Children, running down the platform towards her father shouting, "Daddy. My Daddy". Brings a tear to my eye every time.
She also brings a tear to my eye in Logan's Run, Walkabout and (especially) An Amercian Werewolf in London ... but that is for an entirely different reason :-)
Rgds,
Beergut
(Sun 17th Apr 2005, 0:30, More)
» World's Sickest Joke
Airline acronyms
What does Al Italia stand for?
Arrived Late In Turin And Luggage In Athens
What does Qantas stand for?
Quite A Nice Trip; All Survived
What does Lufthansa stand for?
Let Us Fondle The Hostess And Not Say Anything
... which all lead to ...
What does Munich stand for?
Manchester United Never Intended Coming Home
... and that has got to be the oldest disaster reference joke here.
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 23:50, More)
Airline acronyms
What does Al Italia stand for?
Arrived Late In Turin And Luggage In Athens
What does Qantas stand for?
Quite A Nice Trip; All Survived
What does Lufthansa stand for?
Let Us Fondle The Hostess And Not Say Anything
... which all lead to ...
What does Munich stand for?
Manchester United Never Intended Coming Home
... and that has got to be the oldest disaster reference joke here.
(Tue 14th Sep 2004, 23:50, More)