» Apparently I'm a sex offender

sex trade
I was 13 or 14. I'd taken the day off school, and given the empty house and copy of basic instinct on video, I decided to indulge in my new found favourite passtime. Whilst in the throws of self love i heard the doorbell and so quickly stuffed myself into my trousers and walked to the door.

I was greeted by a rather sheepish looking gent who said "You don't need windows do you?"

I said no

"Good, thought not", he replied and made a hasty exit down the drive.

It's only upon closing the front door that i noticed a whopping erection had slipped out of my flies and must have been rudely pointing at him all through our conversation. Poor fella.
(Fri 18th Aug 2006, 18:06, More)

» Things you've done when you've had no money.

Hopeful....
A student friend of mine had 20 quid to last him 3 weeks till the end of term so he bought 20 scratch cards.

He won a quid.

Chump
(Fri 8th Oct 2004, 18:02, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Non-pc war banter
Was clearing out my grans attic not so long ago and discovered my late grandads wartime diary from 1943. He was stationed in Cairo in a hanger fixing machinery with the locals. Here is an exerpt that brought a tear to my eye:

"Punctuated a good afternoons work by taking part in a 2-frontal attack on Abdul (one of the wogs) using elastic bands. Consequently reduced him to a state of typically 'woggy' rage"

God bless the WWII international comradery.
(Sun 3rd Jul 2005, 0:23, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Looks good enough to eat......
A few years back, in my student days, a number of friends came round to my place for a pre-club warmup. I'd just polished off a plateful of chicken fajitas before we all tucked into a number of bottles of white whine and occasional shots.

The evening went well (despite rumours from the neighbours the next day about a naked man singing in the garden. Not me i might add) and we proceeded to the club as planned.

I'd obviously misjudged things a little because within 5 mins of getting there i was discovered sitting on a stool at the bottom of some stairs completely surrounded by mexican poultry surprise. This section of the club was now inaccesible.

The friend who had found me pulled up a stool, plonked himself down next to me, swung a reassuring arm round my shoulder, said "are you ok?" and then, just as i was perking up to this show of solidarity, he calmly leant down, picked up a piece of chicken, popped it in his mouth, swallowed it and left smiling to himself.

Needless to say the vomiting continued....

Oh and the bouncers were surprisingly understanding about all this. I wasn't chucked out, they simply threw lots of small objects at me the next time i was at the club. God bless 'em. Sniff.
(Tue 24th Aug 2004, 10:27, More)

» People with Stupid Names

One for the Sailors out there.....
When i was working in a call centre i used to have to ring a lady called Linda Hoy.

Great stuff
(Fri 27th Aug 2004, 10:14, More)