Profile for Grey Triggerfish:
My lurkage is king.
Recent front page messages:
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Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 21 years, 10 months and 27 days
- has posted 42 messages on the main board
- has posted 0 messages on the talk board
- has posted 0 messages on the links board
- has posted 7 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
- They liked 0 pictures, 0 links, 0 talk posts, and 2 qotw answers.
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My lurkage is king.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Evidence that you're getting old
/unlurks
1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.
5. You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.
6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
7. You hear your favourite song in the lift at work.
8. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
9. The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.
10.You carry an umbrella.
11.Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.
12.You don't go to Tesco's with all your friends.
13.You have standing orders and direct debits.
14.The heating works in your house.
15.Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
16.You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.
17.You go from unlimited days of holidays to 20.
18.Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
19.You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
20.You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.
21.Washing up is not an annual ritual.
22.Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
23.You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
24.Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
25.You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.
26.You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
27.You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
28.You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls.
29.You "hate scrounging students".
30.You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
31.Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
32.You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.
33.You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.
34.You always know where you are when you wake up.
35.You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
36.A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
37.You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
38.A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
39.You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
40.You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
41.You don't have mice living in your kitchen.
42.Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.
43.You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.
44.You have hoovered.
45.Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
46.'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'.
47.Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
48.You don't experiment with banned substances.
49.You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.
50.You don't find a "dump" left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore.
/relurks
(Mon 1st Nov 2004, 12:30, More)
/unlurks
1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.
5. You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.
6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
7. You hear your favourite song in the lift at work.
8. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
9. The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.
10.You carry an umbrella.
11.Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.
12.You don't go to Tesco's with all your friends.
13.You have standing orders and direct debits.
14.The heating works in your house.
15.Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
16.You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.
17.You go from unlimited days of holidays to 20.
18.Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
19.You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
20.You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.
21.Washing up is not an annual ritual.
22.Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
23.You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
24.Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
25.You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.
26.You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
27.You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
28.You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls.
29.You "hate scrounging students".
30.You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
31.Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
32.You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.
33.You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.
34.You always know where you are when you wake up.
35.You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
36.A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
37.You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
38.A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.
39.You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
40.You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
41.You don't have mice living in your kitchen.
42.Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.
43.You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.
44.You have hoovered.
45.Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
46.'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'.
47.Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
48.You don't experiment with banned substances.
49.You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.
50.You don't find a "dump" left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore.
/relurks
(Mon 1st Nov 2004, 12:30, More)
» Your Greatest Dilemmas
YES OR NO:
You could spend the night with the woman of your dreams. Maybe it’s Cameron Diaz or Elle McPherson or someone you know that isn’t famous. Maybe it’s your aunt. It’s up to you. It doesn’t really matter too much who it is, as long as she is The One for you.
Here’s the deal: You get to take her out for the evening to a top notch restaurant. You get as much money as you need to spend. You get to wear a designer suit. You both really enjoy the meal, with some fine wine and you get along famously. You are surprised at how relaxed she is in you company and how you find yourself easily recounting stories, sprinkled with witty remarks. Her conversation compliments yours and she has a happy and intrigued look in her eye.
After the meal you can either head out for a late drink in a bar, and maybe even head for a club after that, or you can take her back to the 5 star penthouse suit (with jacuzzi and free mini bar) that you get as part of this deal. You get chauffeured about in a big black limo. How late you stay out is up to you, but you’ll have a wonderful date, leaving you with a warm feeling, plenty of energy, excitement and anticipation.
Back in the penthouse, you get it on. You can use the jacuzzi together, roll on the rug in front of the fire and/or take full advantage of the massive four poster bed. You get to make deep satisfying love all night long. She is completely satisfied with your magnificent performance and there is nothing that she won’t do. In the early hours of the morning, at the end of the perfect date, you fall soundly asleep in each others arms. When you wake up, she is gone, you have to check out straight away and all that remains is the memory.
And the catch.
Before you leave for the meal, she comes to the penthouse and has a dump. The turd is carefully balanced on a lolly stick and placed into the freezer section of the mini bar. Then you get to leave on your date. No-one in public notices the two of you together. You just blend in like any other couple. You don’t get your picture in the paper, you don’t get any fame for being her new beau. You can never tell anyone about the date. Not even your mum. Not even your best friend. No-one. Ever. But, you do get to have the perfect date and a night of fantastic sex with the woman of your dreams. Now, remember the turd on a stick that’s in the minibar? Well, when you wake up in the morning, you have to eat it. All of it. Probably best to get it down quick, before it starts to defrost.
Do you accept? YES OR NO?
Also, as part of a separate dilemma, like the great Steve Davis often has to face, is it better to go for the tight brown, or the easy pink?
(Wed 19th May 2004, 17:31, More)
YES OR NO:
You could spend the night with the woman of your dreams. Maybe it’s Cameron Diaz or Elle McPherson or someone you know that isn’t famous. Maybe it’s your aunt. It’s up to you. It doesn’t really matter too much who it is, as long as she is The One for you.
Here’s the deal: You get to take her out for the evening to a top notch restaurant. You get as much money as you need to spend. You get to wear a designer suit. You both really enjoy the meal, with some fine wine and you get along famously. You are surprised at how relaxed she is in you company and how you find yourself easily recounting stories, sprinkled with witty remarks. Her conversation compliments yours and she has a happy and intrigued look in her eye.
After the meal you can either head out for a late drink in a bar, and maybe even head for a club after that, or you can take her back to the 5 star penthouse suit (with jacuzzi and free mini bar) that you get as part of this deal. You get chauffeured about in a big black limo. How late you stay out is up to you, but you’ll have a wonderful date, leaving you with a warm feeling, plenty of energy, excitement and anticipation.
Back in the penthouse, you get it on. You can use the jacuzzi together, roll on the rug in front of the fire and/or take full advantage of the massive four poster bed. You get to make deep satisfying love all night long. She is completely satisfied with your magnificent performance and there is nothing that she won’t do. In the early hours of the morning, at the end of the perfect date, you fall soundly asleep in each others arms. When you wake up, she is gone, you have to check out straight away and all that remains is the memory.
And the catch.
Before you leave for the meal, she comes to the penthouse and has a dump. The turd is carefully balanced on a lolly stick and placed into the freezer section of the mini bar. Then you get to leave on your date. No-one in public notices the two of you together. You just blend in like any other couple. You don’t get your picture in the paper, you don’t get any fame for being her new beau. You can never tell anyone about the date. Not even your mum. Not even your best friend. No-one. Ever. But, you do get to have the perfect date and a night of fantastic sex with the woman of your dreams. Now, remember the turd on a stick that’s in the minibar? Well, when you wake up in the morning, you have to eat it. All of it. Probably best to get it down quick, before it starts to defrost.
Do you accept? YES OR NO?
Also, as part of a separate dilemma, like the great Steve Davis often has to face, is it better to go for the tight brown, or the easy pink?
(Wed 19th May 2004, 17:31, More)
» Evidence that you're getting old
In honour of Bob Monkhouse:
You know you're getting old when you walk into a room, and you forget what you went in there for.
And the room is a toilet.
BOOM BOOM
(Tue 2nd Nov 2004, 13:37, More)
In honour of Bob Monkhouse:
You know you're getting old when you walk into a room, and you forget what you went in there for.
And the room is a toilet.
BOOM BOOM
(Tue 2nd Nov 2004, 13:37, More)
» My Wanking Disasters
Caught out by mobile phone
Having gone into the office for the morning, I had to go home and get my car before driving out to see a client out of town in the afternoon. Stopping indoors to get my car keys, I realised that I had a splendid opportunity for a quick Sherman.
Having selected an appropriately hardcore DVD from the collection, I managed to knock one out and achieve my objective with some vigour.
It was at this point that I thought I could hear a distant voice calling my name. The feeling of dread flooded over me as realised what was going on. I removed my mobile phone from my suit pocket and discovered that in my frenzy of fapping I had inadvertently managed to call the number of an old female Uni mate, who I hadn't seen or spoken to for some time.
Not quite knowing what to do, I hung up on her without speaking. When she phoned me back I was still bright red with embarrasment and let the call divert. I later listened to her message, which went something along the lines of:
"Hi, long time no speak. Had a strange call from you, with lots of funny noises?!? Not too sure what's going on there?!?"
I've seen her since, but it was ages afterwards and, thankfully, nothing was said.
I have never failed to lock my keypad since.
BTW - What happened to the Your Greatest Dilemmas question of the week? Can we have a report please?
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 16:32, More)
Caught out by mobile phone
Having gone into the office for the morning, I had to go home and get my car before driving out to see a client out of town in the afternoon. Stopping indoors to get my car keys, I realised that I had a splendid opportunity for a quick Sherman.
Having selected an appropriately hardcore DVD from the collection, I managed to knock one out and achieve my objective with some vigour.
It was at this point that I thought I could hear a distant voice calling my name. The feeling of dread flooded over me as realised what was going on. I removed my mobile phone from my suit pocket and discovered that in my frenzy of fapping I had inadvertently managed to call the number of an old female Uni mate, who I hadn't seen or spoken to for some time.
Not quite knowing what to do, I hung up on her without speaking. When she phoned me back I was still bright red with embarrasment and let the call divert. I later listened to her message, which went something along the lines of:
"Hi, long time no speak. Had a strange call from you, with lots of funny noises?!? Not too sure what's going on there?!?"
I've seen her since, but it was ages afterwards and, thankfully, nothing was said.
I have never failed to lock my keypad since.
BTW - What happened to the Your Greatest Dilemmas question of the week? Can we have a report please?
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 16:32, More)
» World's Most Hated Food
Bananas
I fucking hate everything about them. The mushy cock shaped cunts.
What if you get one with a runny black bit eh?
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 15:07, More)
Bananas
I fucking hate everything about them. The mushy cock shaped cunts.
What if you get one with a runny black bit eh?
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 15:07, More)