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» Celebrities part II

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During my days of working in provincial theatres I managed to annoy a few Z listers.

I recall being so bored during one of Pam Ayre's shows I started playing battleships over the comms system with the bloke on lights (I was stage-side and no further than 15 feet awaty from Ms. Ayres). She complained loudly after the show that my calling out of HIT and MISS had put her off of reciting her dull tweeness.

We also nearly killed Dave Benson (think that was his name - used to be in Goodnight Sweetheart and does a passable Kenneth Williams impression). We flew in a tab track which caught some scenery during it decent missing him by inches.

Happy days...
(Fri 9th Oct 2009, 16:24, More)

» Your Weirdest Teacher

A few that I can remember
include a music teacher Mr. W who used to spit when he talked, could never get your name right and was like a firework with a very short fuse - without any warning he'd just flip. He used to leave lessons to have showers in the changing rooms if he got really pissed off. Punishment was invariably copying japanese out of a book of his, or having a chair thrown at you.

The there was Mr. P the woodwork teacher. Wore awful paisley kipper ties. Used to ask the girls (mainly third year +) whether they would like to go to his place over the weekend and pose for photos.

Dr. B once lost his temper during a chemistry lesson when we were learning about Hydrogen watching footage of the Hindenburg exploding. After the lad next to me made the comment "anyone got a match?" he spent the next twenty minutes ranting about how "we should think before we speak". He used to tell us "You are scientists not Hollywood stars" if we put our safety goggles on top of our head when not using them.

A few of the girls in my year have told me subsequently (during late drunken nights down the pub) that Miss. C used to feel them up in the changing rooms and make comments along the lines of "You're developing well".

Mrs L whose crippling arthritis used to prohibit her from writing very well on the blackboard. The snapping noise when she did attempt to write on the board wasn't the chalk breaking, it was usually her fingers.

Mr. B who sold the Socialist Worker in the High Street at weekends, and used to smell very strongly of drink - you used to get a can of lager off him if he knew it was your sixteenth birthday.

Miss G the sexy Geography teacher who was the fantasy of most of the boys. I see her every day now as her son is in the same class as my daughter. She has not aged very well at all - she also seems to be a bit of a social climber having married a very rich guy. I'm saving my moment for when I reveal to her in front of all of the other parents that she used to be my teacher (I am a hairy-arsed 30+ male) which should take the wind out of her over-inflated sails quite nicely.

Finally:

Mr. H the RE teacher (RE teachers seem to crop up a lot on this QOTW for some reason). His lessons were a complete doss - more of a half hour free period than a lesson as he couldn't control never mind educate the pupils. He used to give 2p to anyone that showed interest and answered a question. He also used to do very strange train impressions. A mate of mine decided to push him and wrote up a piece in his excercise book on the resurrection as "The Erection". My mate got pulled up before the year head on that one.
(Fri 11th Nov 2005, 16:15, More)