» Heckles

Amused Moose, Soho, London. June 2004.
The comedian & Jerry Springer The Opera creator Stewart Lee is performing a warm-up show for that year's Edinburgh set (since released on DVD as "StandUp Comedian").

He's doing a bit about the state of music today, and criticises The Darkness. Justifiably.
Infact, he rips into them. The audience are on his side. Everyone hates "The Darkness", it seems, and - buoyed along by this - he gets more & more scathing until a voice at the back of the room pipes up:

"Yeah, but surely you believe in a thing called love?"

The room laughs. Lee laughs. Taken off guard, but genuinely amused by this heckle.

"Yeah. I do believe in a thing called love. But, my definition of love is more metaphysical. A bond between people, a spiritual thing. It exists, I believe in it, but I don't associate it with a screaming man in a stripy lycra catsuit running around and singing badly." (I'm paraphrasing, of course..)
"But - that is the best heckle I've ever had."

He carries on.
20 minutes later, he's doing a bit about returning to stand up from the wilderness of musical theatre, a field he never thought he'd find himself in - as he hates it.
He cites such examples as "We Will Rock You" amongst his hatred of the genre.
He divulges, he moves on to attack 70s rockers Queen & their flamboyant, camp music - referring back to the Darkness ragging from earlier.

The same voice at the back pipes up: "Yeah, but surely you believe in a crazy little thing called love?"

Everyone laughs.
Lee responds, trying to stifle his own laughter:
"Yeah. I do believe in a crazy little thing called love. But, my definition of love is more metaphysical. A bond between people, a spiritual thing. It exists, I believe in it, but I don't associate it with a moustached, buck-toothed man in a stripy lycra catsuit running around and singing badly."

"You see, if you use the same heckle - you get the same response...."

Genius.
(Wed 12th Apr 2006, 13:43, More)

» Heckles

Comedy Store, Leicester Square, London. December 2001
Ardal O'Hanlon is last on, playing a blinder & coming to the end of his set.

Some cheeky chappie on the front row starts pestering him.

Heckler: "Sing 'My Lovely Horse'".

Ardal: No, I'm afraid I can't do that.

Heckler: "I'll pay you"

Ardal: "hehe, This'll be good. Go on, get your money out then."

Heckler whips out his wallett and slaps a tenner defiantly on the side of the stage at O'Hanlon's feet.

Ardal: "Bollocks"

Audience cheers.

Ardal: "My lovely horse runnning through the field........."
(Wed 12th Apr 2006, 14:01, More)

» Never Meet Your Heroes

The Comedian Simon Munnery
I've met many stand up comedians, the majority of whom are really genuinely nice people and will always stop & take the time to say hello.
Honourable mentions in that field must got to Stephen K Amos, Richard Herring, Rob Newman, Howard Read, Andrew Maxwell, Stewart Lee, Robin Ince, Al Murray amongst others.

But, when it comes to "getting down wiv da kids", Simon Munnery is king.

Every year he does a show during the Edinburgh Festival at The Stand, called "Simon Munnery's AGM". It's a ramshackle sort of institution & includes everything from Munnery playing harmonica and rambling semi-improvised lyrics whilst a drummer keeps a beat - through to brilliant sketches, new & old material, character pieces (including Alan Parker : Urban Warrior), guest performances and much, much more.

The title "AGM" comes from the idea of every member of the audience having the opportunity to submit a 'motion' for discussion toward the end of the show.
Time restraints at the venue invariably result in Munnery being unable to get through the entire audience's suggestions.

Rather than just reading out a handful & calling it a day, Munnery likes to give everyone a chance.
So, he decamps the gig - inviting anyone who wants to come - to the pub across the road, or a neighbouring courtyard.

Apparently this is a regular occurence. When I was in attendance, I was one of about 15 people from the audience who elected to continue the show at the pub across the road, where Munnery held court for another two hours, as we went through the remaining suggestions that had been submitted.

It was truly democratic, and wasn't simply a case of Munnery taking a submission, making a joke of it and moving on to the next one, everyone was involved, everyone was allowed to state their opinions on the motion, make their own jokes, etc.

Everyone there found him to be a genial host, as well as a genuine wit, proving how deserving of his fanbase he is. I bought him a pint - and rather than expecting that as "performer's right" as some might - he was very appreciative and humble. A lovely man.

This "post-show" went on for so long that his wife called twice whilst he was doing this wondering where the hell he was!!!!
(Fri 26th May 2006, 11:47, More)

» Hidden Treasure

Good deed!
A few weeks ago I found a mobile phone on the floor on my way back to work from lunch.

It was one of those swanky new motorola razor ones.

The story could end there, and I've got my treasure, but no - I did the right thing & found a "work" number on the phone & managed to contact the owner's employer & find a way of getting it back to her.

Oh no! I gave the treasure back, now this story doesn't count!

read on....

I wasn't expecting a reward. If I'd wanted ill-gotten treasure, I'd have sold the phone on Ebay or something, but she gave me £20 to say thankyou, which was very nice of her, and I still ended up with some treasure! Woo!
(Fri 1st Jul 2005, 9:57, More)

» Jobsworths

HSBC
Pssst - Roothegrockle - It's "Hong-Kong Shanghai Banking Corporation"

RE: (because I don't know what HSBC stands for).
(Fri 13th May 2005, 16:09, More)