i'm not racist!


honest i'm not. i just find religious lunatics of any persuasion annoying...
(Mon 6th Feb 2006, 15:47, More)

» The Worst Journey in the World

driving to london down the M1.
in a battered old beige metro, when i start to slowly overtake a wooden framed morris traveller driven by a pensioner with i presumed his wife in the passenger seat, doing about 45mph.

Not having much more power and going up a long hill, this takes some time, and as i'm just about level with them, something in their drivechain siezes solid and their car stops literally dead in the slow lane. Unfortunately the lorry tailgating them doesnt, and goes practically through the car, crushing it to matchwood, inches away from my car, showering it in bits of debris.

I pull over, and have to hang around for the next few hours while the Fire Brigade retrieve the bodies, the Police take statements and I'm treated for shock.

Fortunately, the Fire Brigade hosed down the side of my car to remove the bits of pensioner adhered to it...

Yeah, that was a shit journey, but not as shit as theirs...
(Fri 8th Sep 2006, 12:48, More)

» Have you ever paid for sex?

No, and this is really quite shocking...
the amount of you lot that have! i thought paying for sex was the seedy resort of the middle aged singleton...

ah, that explains it.

Closest i ever got was walking home pissed at 3am past a 'lady of the night' who asked me, 'looking for anything tonight, sir?' i laughed and said 'no ta', and then asked her if she wanted a chip.

Turns out she did.
(Thu 19th Jan 2006, 16:23, More)

» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?

a couple of things...
firstly a repost of my 'worst journey' post:

Driving to london down the M1, in a battered old beige metro, when i start to slowly overtake a wooden framed morris traveller driven by a pensioner, with i presumed his wife in the passenger seat, doing about 45mph.

Not having much more power and going up a long hill, this takes some time, and as i'm just about level with them, something in their drivechain siezes solid and their car stops literally dead in the slow lane. Unfortunately the lorry tailgating them doesnt, and goes practically through the car, crushing it to matchwood, inches away from my car, showering it in bits of debris.

I pull over, and have to hang around for the next few hours while the Fire Brigade retrieve the bodies, the Police take statements and I'm treated for shock.

The truly horrific part was the state of my car, which, before the Fire Brigade hosed it down, was covered in bits of wood and pensioner...

and secondly, seeing the body of my girlfriend at the time, after i woke from the drug-induced coma that she didn't. Somewhat harsh being a 16 year old, I thought.
(Fri 22nd Jun 2007, 16:01, More)

» Going Too Far

School erm, experiences.
best days of your life? bollocks. I utterly detested school, and spent most of it avoiding people, occasionally skipping it and spending the latter years experimenting with alcohol, weed and solvents. I rarely got any hassle, except on two really notable occasions.

The first time, someone took a dislike to me, and so i got the usual pushing around, threatened with being beaten up etc etc, that went on for a few days, usually on the way home from school and started getting worse. I decided to resolve this one way or other, and went for a rummage in my dad's garage, finding an 18" long inch diameter metal pipe that conveniently fitted into my army-style school kitbag.

The next day, the trouble was just as bad, highlighting in this twat spitting at me during lunch, covering me in his drool. At that point i decided enough was enough. On the way home, where he met up with me to continue his tirade of abuse for no apparent reason, i swung the aforementioned kitbag (complete with pipe) round on it's strap, catching the guy unawares and full pelt on the back of his head. He dropped, face first like a stone, totally unconscious, leaving me stood next to him, surrounded by a group of instantly silent and shocked looking 14 year olds looking at me. For good measure i gave him a kick or two in the ribs, then walked off.

That got him a fractured vertebrae and a neck brace, and several lost teeth from when the ground came up to hit him, and me a weeks suspension, but also got me a reputation as a nutter not to be bothered, which was great.

The other time i got any hassle, it involved explosives, so i'd probably better not say too much...
(Thu 16th Nov 2006, 16:51, More)

» Body Mods

Self 'modification'
I, erm, well, like to 'experiment' with body modifications, having done all my own assorted piercings, brands and a couple of pieces of scarification work.

One of the aforementioned piercings was a penile frenum piercing (cf 'bango string'). One thing to remember with said piercing is never to have post-clubbing, vigourous, amphetamine fuelled sex with a girlfriend (at the time) who had several 'down below' piercings herself. during a particularly energetic session, i got my frenum bar caught in one of her labial rings.



She won the ensuing panic-stricken tug of war.



The Result: Lots of blood, much pain, blood, the loss of the bar as it 'pinged' across the room, (i think it went out of the window, but to be honest, that was the least of my worries!). Oh, and blood, did i mention the blood? A profuse amount of the stuff, i never realised i could bleed for so long without passing out.

Obviously i didn't go to A&E, being far too manly, and it stopped eventually. Oh, and I 'lost' my frenum as it snapped and never healed back together again.

There was also the occasion where i did a rather nice tribal brand desin on my lower leg, using a gas powered soldering iron. Turned out nice, in my opinion, but by jebus it hurt.
(Mon 4th Dec 2006, 15:25, More)