» Accidental innuendo

nuts...
i'm a call centre monkey for a well known breakdown company.

me: how can i help you?
customer: i cant get my nuts off...
me: (snigger)
customer: wheel nuts, i mean (snigger)

by this point we are both laughing out loud, where i advise i can only send a male patrol to help him with getting his nuts off, as we don't really have female ones!

much amusement was had by both! :)
(Sat 14th Jun 2008, 13:57, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

my best friends...
During my first year of uni, i was going through a very bad time. I'd found out that my so called best mate was sleeping with my boyfriend. She even went to the extent of freezing me out of the friendship group we hung out with (and lived with). So with "my friends" hating me and a relationship ruined, i sank into a deep depression. So much so that i thought it would be a good idea to end it all.
So i brought pills and vodka and began to drink in a park by uni. Only to get a phone call (bloody forgot to turn my mobile off).
this phone call was from a guy i hardly knew and met him a few days before. He is a very extroverted character and sometimes can be difficult to handle. He explained he heard what happened and wanted to know if i was okay.
At that moment i broke down and told him. He come and got me and took me to the uni nurse to get some help and then took me to one of the halls.
There he introduced me to 5 people who at first didn't know what i did, but took me under their wings and looked after me. (mainly with tea, biscuits and laughter).
To this day we are all very close and they have been there and supported me through everything (without judging me) - and i have for them.
Without them i really do believe that i wouldn't be here today. They have given me trust back in people and shown that not everyone is mean!
To all you guys (you know who you are) i love you all!!!
:)
(Mon 6th Oct 2008, 1:55, More)

» Customers from Hell

Slightly off topic but relevant...
My housemate works for the big green supermarket as a till bunny / trolley collector.
After arriving to pick him up after his shift, i couldnt get in the store because of an ambulance and a few police cars! ooohhhh i thought trolley rage gone wrong perhaps?
When i managed to get in a few tills were closed while the 'aces' were cleaning up blood being hidden by a medical screen.
Q housemate a nice shade of green and explained a man (who had just discharged himself from the looney bin) stabbed a guy in the leg while in the Q to pay for his shopping just because the looney man thought that he was MI5 following him.
As it was at housemates till he jumped off and tried to aid stabbed and bleeding man while big burley men disarm the nutter and sit on him.
While management take over my housemate is given the job of getting people out of the way to give space etc "nothing to see here" type thing.
Q one stupid woman desperate to get housemates attention, waving arms, so housemate thinking a friend or relative (the man was with his young son when stabbed)
Housemate: "are you related to the man involved in the incident?"
Woman: "no. can you tell me where the eggs are?"

twit
(Tue 9th Sep 2008, 11:25, More)

» Will you go out with me?

lost a friend and didnt gain a boyfriend
Back in the day when i was still at school, my best friend was madly in love with this guy we used to hang out with.
She managed to pluck up the courage to ask him to meet us at the park where she would ask him out. She made me come along so it wouldn't seem like such a set up.
He turned up, she asked him out. He said no as he was in love with someone else, turned and looked at me, and told me he loved me!!!

i'll never forget the look on her face! i declined.

She has never let me forget it! however we don't speak anymore because we fell out over something else. The lying little hoe-bag!
(Thu 28th Aug 2008, 22:57, More)

» When were you last really scared?

found a body...
After watching the old texas chain saw massacre with my policeman ex and his female housemate, he decided that it would be a good idea to go for a walk, in the pitch dark along the river by this flat.

I hate the dark at the best of times, but this pathway had the river on one side and foilage and train tracks on the other. (With no bloody streetlamps) Strangly enough there is a random house before the path ends - looks like it shouldn't be there, there are also bars on the window - very scary.

As we were walking along the path, my ex was scaring us by joking that we were going to be sliced and diced by the occupants of this house. i was already scared by nothing prepared me for what happened next...

next thing i know his female housemate has stopped in her tracks - whats that on the edge of the path... it was a body!
i've never been so scared before in my life, thinking that perhaps the 'dead' man was a trap so the peope in the house can come out and butcher us!

next thing i know my policeman ex is poking it asking him if hes ok... to which he replies with a grunt. ex then decides that as he is off duty its too much hassle to deal with and starts to walk off....
we follow, but have to go back that way to get home - ex decides if he is still there when we come back he will do something.

cut a long story short the man hasnt moved. friend and i have to walk along path to wait for ambulance. Ex discovered the man discharged himself from the local mental hospital and had decided to take all his medication with a bottle of brandy and felt sleepy....

lesson learnt: never watch a scary film and go walking down dark paths at night!
(Fri 23rd Feb 2007, 22:00, More)