Profile for clorey mcnuggety:
Dear Grandson,
Oh how jealous it does one make,
To see the sight of the birthday cake
Of you, the one who is so young,
The sum of the candles, only twenty-one.
Once upon a time, I was just like you,
Taunting the llamas at the local zoo,
Eating fresh acorns right out of the tree,
And reaching the toilet when needing a wee.
But I see photos and start to despair,
Because I, alas, am stuck in this chair
Whilst you with your torso,
Perm,
Sperm,
And More so
Seem to float effortlessly in the air.
I know that this all may sound rather bitter,
I won’t be the first to tell you 'life’s a shitter',
But there is one thing that keeps me happy and going
(Apart from, of course, the surgeon’s sewing):
And that is the thought that the young, like me,
Will start to deteriorate physically.
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Dear Grandson,
Oh how jealous it does one make,
To see the sight of the birthday cake
Of you, the one who is so young,
The sum of the candles, only twenty-one.
Once upon a time, I was just like you,
Taunting the llamas at the local zoo,
Eating fresh acorns right out of the tree,
And reaching the toilet when needing a wee.
But I see photos and start to despair,
Because I, alas, am stuck in this chair
Whilst you with your torso,
Perm,
Sperm,
And More so
Seem to float effortlessly in the air.
I know that this all may sound rather bitter,
I won’t be the first to tell you 'life’s a shitter',
But there is one thing that keeps me happy and going
(Apart from, of course, the surgeon’s sewing):
And that is the thought that the young, like me,
Will start to deteriorate physically.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Heckles
welcome to oxford, ignorant americans!
a few years back a band called swearing at motorcyclists came to play the cellar in oxford. at the end of the set (gone midnight because they'd gone down really well) the scraggily haired singer came to the microphone and said:
"thank you, oxford!!! you've been great tonight!!! you've been great! we played brighton last night and there were, like, twice as many people and they made, like, half as much noise... that means you guys are, like, twice as good!!!"
my natural (eversoslightly drunk) response to this was shouting:
"that's four times as good!!!"
i can't believe i corrected someone from a rock band on his mathematics... shame on me...
(Thu 6th Apr 2006, 18:37, More)
welcome to oxford, ignorant americans!
a few years back a band called swearing at motorcyclists came to play the cellar in oxford. at the end of the set (gone midnight because they'd gone down really well) the scraggily haired singer came to the microphone and said:
"thank you, oxford!!! you've been great tonight!!! you've been great! we played brighton last night and there were, like, twice as many people and they made, like, half as much noise... that means you guys are, like, twice as good!!!"
my natural (eversoslightly drunk) response to this was shouting:
"that's four times as good!!!"
i can't believe i corrected someone from a rock band on his mathematics... shame on me...
(Thu 6th Apr 2006, 18:37, More)
» Fancy Dress
can't say i'm a huge fan of dressing up: i tend to avoid it whenever possible. however:
at college there were about three ridiculous fancy dress evenings a term where people would go and re-live their school discos dancing to chesney hawkes, grease / abba medleys and the inevitable finale of new york new york. i had a paricularly low opinion at these. not only because i don't like large groups of obnoxious drunks, but i also generally worked the bar at them. once upon a time in my first year i had a lapse in foresight and decided to attend on the customer side of the bar. the theme was intergalactic and i thought that for once in my life i might attempt to bring a halt to being a miserable shit and try to join in the fun everyone else was having. however, i couldn't be arsed to walk into town and had to find inspiration from what was in my room. in the end, i ended up taking my underpants draw, which happened to be a plastic watering can graffiteed with mis-spelt radiohead lyrics given to me by someone who has gone on to get a first in fine art from goldsmiths, with a sign round my neck saying "Rigommin Pobihege, Intergalactic Watering Can Salesman". After a few ales and many a confused look from people wrapped in tin foil, i went home and to bed. alone.
oh, and for some reason my better half celebrates hallowe'en with vigour, and held a party which she insisted i dressed up for. i went as a yappy-type-dog because i fucking hate them. i managed this by sellotaping the frilly yellow trimming from a rug onto my cheeks and chin and putting black marker pen on my nose.
and while i'm at it, whilst i was still at school, i went to one as an ordinance survey map by stapling two maps around my person, one on my front and one on my back, both by the end of the evening were really rather ripped. it wasn't entirely accurate as two different maps were used, so the front and back did not correspond. if i were forced to live my life again, i would probably go to the effort of purchasing two like-maps to avoid embarrassment under questioning.
that is all.
(Fri 13th Jan 2006, 0:10, More)
can't say i'm a huge fan of dressing up: i tend to avoid it whenever possible. however:
at college there were about three ridiculous fancy dress evenings a term where people would go and re-live their school discos dancing to chesney hawkes, grease / abba medleys and the inevitable finale of new york new york. i had a paricularly low opinion at these. not only because i don't like large groups of obnoxious drunks, but i also generally worked the bar at them. once upon a time in my first year i had a lapse in foresight and decided to attend on the customer side of the bar. the theme was intergalactic and i thought that for once in my life i might attempt to bring a halt to being a miserable shit and try to join in the fun everyone else was having. however, i couldn't be arsed to walk into town and had to find inspiration from what was in my room. in the end, i ended up taking my underpants draw, which happened to be a plastic watering can graffiteed with mis-spelt radiohead lyrics given to me by someone who has gone on to get a first in fine art from goldsmiths, with a sign round my neck saying "Rigommin Pobihege, Intergalactic Watering Can Salesman". After a few ales and many a confused look from people wrapped in tin foil, i went home and to bed. alone.
oh, and for some reason my better half celebrates hallowe'en with vigour, and held a party which she insisted i dressed up for. i went as a yappy-type-dog because i fucking hate them. i managed this by sellotaping the frilly yellow trimming from a rug onto my cheeks and chin and putting black marker pen on my nose.
and while i'm at it, whilst i was still at school, i went to one as an ordinance survey map by stapling two maps around my person, one on my front and one on my back, both by the end of the evening were really rather ripped. it wasn't entirely accurate as two different maps were used, so the front and back did not correspond. if i were forced to live my life again, i would probably go to the effort of purchasing two like-maps to avoid embarrassment under questioning.
that is all.
(Fri 13th Jan 2006, 0:10, More)
» School Sports Day
i went to a rather posh school
that had a sports day and the different 'houses' competed against each other during which every member of the year had to take part. now, the 1500m was particularly unpopular, and i was one of the lesser athletes, so i was given the task of making the house proud and giving the other runners a good old rogering in this event. on the day, it actually turned out to be quite a weak field, and i was secretly confident of not making an arse of myself- unfortunately, however, i came last, finishing behind a guy who had forgotten his trainers in an attempt to get out of his duty as a member of the house and been forced, as punishment, to run barefoot. at every sports day after that i mysteriously had a doctors/dentists/opticians/dinner appointment...
(Tue 4th Apr 2006, 1:32, More)
i went to a rather posh school
that had a sports day and the different 'houses' competed against each other during which every member of the year had to take part. now, the 1500m was particularly unpopular, and i was one of the lesser athletes, so i was given the task of making the house proud and giving the other runners a good old rogering in this event. on the day, it actually turned out to be quite a weak field, and i was secretly confident of not making an arse of myself- unfortunately, however, i came last, finishing behind a guy who had forgotten his trainers in an attempt to get out of his duty as a member of the house and been forced, as punishment, to run barefoot. at every sports day after that i mysteriously had a doctors/dentists/opticians/dinner appointment...
(Tue 4th Apr 2006, 1:32, More)