» Work Experience

Very Childish but funny at the time
At 16 my first job was at Woolworth's in Cowes on the Isle of Wight on a Saturday and School holidays. Oh the boredom - but it paid fairly well in those days and it meant I could party all weekend in the night clubs (not many there even now). I was always wrecked on the Saturday due to not going to bed until 4am, then I had to go home at 7am to get changed for work.*

To alleviate the boredom, they had ticket machines where you stamped out the prices by hand. So instead of the price, I wrote in tiny handwriting "Please Buy Me" instead and watched from behind the aisle , so when the old gits who shopped there picked up the tins of soup looking for the price, that's what they found. It was hilarious watching their faces.

Got imto trouble though :( but it was worth it.


*I couldn't take a potential shag to my place, even the stairs had a "No Entry" sign my Mum made
(Thu 10th May 2007, 11:56, More)

» Ripped Off

Toilet Paper Rip-off
I hate shopping and even more I hate Makros, but sheet for sheet they have the best offers on loo rolls. Trouble is, they play this stupid marketing game the other supermarkets play to entice you to buy a particular brand. So off I go to said Makros, this time with a calculator. There were 6 brands on offer at varied pricing. One brand had a buy one get one free, 48 rolls for £7.49. Or you could get 36 rolls for a fiver on another brand. Unfortunately the answer is to look at the packets to see how many sheets they have on a roll, and also the quality bearing in mind you scrape your arse a few times a week. I did some calculations and went for the best deal.

I also got asked by the staff what I was doing as I looked like a store analyst. Much to my surprise I was also told by a shelf stacker (I wasn't sure if it was male or female) that coloured toilet paper gives you thrush.

Just thought I'd pass on the info. Not literally though :-0
(Wed 21st Feb 2007, 14:49, More)

» Secret Santa

Not me but a mate
She didn't hate her BF - it was a genuine present. Unfortunately for her then BF he'd lost the tops of his fingers of his left hand in a winch on a trawler. They called him "Fingers Kevin"

What did she give him for Christmas ?

An electric saxophone.

Honestly, I had to laugh :)
(Sat 16th Dec 2006, 17:03, More)

» Job Interviews

Yellow Pages (long, sorry) and Typists
I was in sales in the 1980's and pretty successful, so figured I could sell adverts in said YP. Attended interview, professional air about me, skirt just short enough and top just low enough to get any business interested, and first part of interview went very well - you know the "tell me about yourself" question everyone dreads. I was well prepared. What I wasn't prepared for was the second half where this bald headed c*nt tore me and my personality, my life and image to bits. I was in tears. It wouldn't be allowed these days. So, now, Mrs Assertive, 20 years later, I run my own business. Imagine my reponse when I get a cold call from Yellow Pages to put an advert in their horrid little book. Luckily I'm now in an industry I could guarantee he would know nothing about. Cue typical intro waffle to get me asking the right questions. When I didn't, and just said, "what the f*ck do you want, because advertising won't earn me any more business" (true), he asked why. So I tore into him big time and said after 5 minutes "are you in tears yet, because I'm laughing my f*cking head off" to which he replied "well you don't have to be so rude" so I said "why not - it's c*nts like you phone me up having done no research into my business, how did you get that job in the first place".......anyway if I get any more calls like that (which I occasionaly do) I just hang up. It's not worth it.

Cue me in 1992 interviewing a typist when I worked at BT Marine laying underwater cables. I hired her purely on the basis of 50wpm typing test but she was some dizzy bitch. She started waffling one day about what I thought was her family - when it turned out to be Eastenders (I don't watch any soaps on TV - hate them) I went mental and told her under no circumstances was she ever to discuss television programmes otherwise I'd get rid of her.

Edit : sorry about the long post but I don't put up with shit.
(Thu 20th Jan 2005, 11:28, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

John Crhistophe Nvoelli ( all the post is deliberately spelt incorrectly) the supposed Frech Gorgeous Chef with the black curly hair
He's on TV at the moment inputting some crap into alan Sgugar's crap TV program which I've just turned off.

I remember John. Oh yes do I..........

Few years ago I went with a mate* to an all day foodie do at the Hotel du Ven in Winchester where we had a flower arranging show, then a gorge 4 course meal, lots of wine, and then after, John demostrating his wares in a room with a few cookers and hobs. Jamei Oliver was just starting on TV, it was about that time. anyway he started to melt some sugar (no relative to the bloke) to make some caramel and then demonstrate said caramel as a fine strand around a knife steel. Most of us were pissed from the wine tasting, me included, and things were said in hush hush voices about how absolutely crap he was talking about caramel. So - I was making the most noise, so he said "Madame, si'l vous plait, viene ici avec moi et faire la meme" which means "please come up here and do the same"

So not wanting to let the side down, and pissed as a fart, got up and went to the bowl of steaming sugar caramel. Got the steel, got the spoon and wrapped it around the thing like a TV pro. A VERY loud clapping ensued and I got asked to continue the cooking demonstration by demand.

Talk about spoiling his show.

He fucked off after that........

*the mate isn't a mate any more, she married HB's son and they owe me lots of money
(Wed 2nd May 2007, 22:35, More)