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» When I met the parents

Nice ass...
So there I am, a rather nervous young teenager in the home of his girlfriend. We're cuddling on the couch and you can tell each smile and touch is held disapprovingly by her parents.

They don't like the amount of time we're spending in the house (read : her bedroom) and suggest we go for a walk. My girlfriend walks out of the room to get coats and gloves from the closet under the stairs.

After a few minutes I get up and go find her, to see her bent over, digging something out of the closet. Never being one to miss such an invite, I grabbed her ass and squeezed. "Hey there sexy" I said.

Unfortunately, my girlfriend had gone upstairs to the toilet and it was her mother whose ass I now had in my hand.

Lets just say I don't think she was best pleased.

We never exchanged a word about it, but from that day forward there was a definate "mood" between us and the relationship didn't last much longer.

Certainly not the best way to impress the old folks.
(Tue 24th May 2005, 17:27, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

Not spotted this one...
But sorry if it turns out to be a repost...

A young man sits down at the bar and orders ten shots of tequila. The barman pours the drinks and asks the lad what his troubles are. "Oh no troubles" he replies "In fact, I'm sort of celebrating".
"Celebrating what?" asks the barman.
"My first blowjob" came the reply.
"Well in that case, the 11th shot is on the house" replied the barman.
"No thanks" said the young man. "No offense, but if ten don't get rid of the taste, nothing will".
(Tue 13th Dec 2005, 14:28, More)

» Stupid Tourists

not so much a tourist...
but during my delightful American wife's year long stay in England she did decide to be rather sweet and cook me dinner one night.

By cook, I of course mean throw a meal in the microwave.

"cooks in 6 minutes" it proudly proclaims on the front, so in it went.

The microwave went *ding* and she began to read out the rest of the instructions "...pierce film lid".

Apparently this is all down to confusing English instructions which are not as easy to understand as American instructions.

Yeah, it is always difficult reading another language.
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 17:15, More)