» When animals attack...

Bee.
One beautiful morning last year I was standing at Surbiton Station waiting for my train to work. The sun was shining and it was lovely and warm - I was full of the joys of spring. As I waited for my train, I noticed a bee of absolutely mammoth proportions (or at least it seemed tennis ball sized) flying recklessly about. It began to circle me in a menacing manner and being the big big wuss that I am, I flung my handbag on the floor and ran about 50 yards up the platform (as I did this I saw people laughing). The bee was in pursuit and as I circled back and picked up my bag, the bee was flying round my head and occasionally brushing my ear and cheek with its evil furry body. I had attracted an audience of mildly curious and bemused commuters by this point so I tried to stand still and take some deep breaths. But the bastard thing wouldn’t leave me alone. So. This is where I start to cry. Not a small, discreet sniff - a full on, shoulder shaking sob with tears and arm flapping. At this point, the platform attendant (to whom I am eternally grateful) came over, shoed the evil bee away, waited with me and saw me safely on to the train. Where I cried most of the way to Fulham. When I got into the office I was obviously tear stained. When asked ‘why?’ the only answer that could come from my mouth was ‘I WAS ATTACKED!!’ When I added ‘by a bee’ I realised I could never again command my colleagues’ respect.
(Thu 2nd Jun 2005, 11:06, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

Shagging.
Boring job, scummy location, most of the staff out a lot of the day on site visits. Best way of skiving I found was to embark on an affair with my extremely attached colleague.

Was great. For almost a year we spent all our time either groping one another in a 'subtle' way in meetings or shagging all over the office if we were left alone for longer than 15 minutes.

Fun AND less work. Marve.

Edit: I LOVE the response two posts up - GENIUS!
(Fri 29th Apr 2005, 10:17, More)

» Now, there was no need for that...

Definitely no need...
...for people to continue to spell 'definitely' incorrectly. There is no 'a' in there. EVER.
(Mon 20th Jun 2005, 9:01, More)

» Guilty Pleasures

Soundtrack To My Life
When I'm walking along to work and listening to my music I imagine I'm in a film about my life and the music I'm listening to is on the soundtrack.

Sorry. that was rubbish.

But it makes me happy.
(Fri 8th Apr 2005, 18:04, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Drinking in the moonlight...
As my friend and I waited for our bacon and egg baps to be made a few summers ago, that bloody Toploader song 'Dancing in the Moonlight' came on. I commented to my friend that 'he gets it almost every night? Git. I'm lucky if I get it twice a year.'

Cue some random emails back and forth when we were supposed to be working and this was the fruit of her labour (sung, obviously, to the tune of Dancing in the Moonlight).

We get it almost twice a year
We've got cobwebs down to here
But when we're drinking that much beer,
No one ever seems to want to get near.

Drinking in the moonlight,
My fag won't seem to stay alight.
It's such a horrifying sight.
Everybody's drinking in the moonlight.

There's more but I can only remember it when drunk...(sorry for length - first post).
(Wed 2nd Feb 2005, 10:00, More)