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- a member for 7 years, 5 months and 16 days
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» IT Support
One from my dad
He used to work in an office with the usual nominated non-IT-support IT support bod, John Scott.
Scene, machine goes bandy, JS on site to see what's up, User fecks off, Post-it on the screen,
Computer broken,
Scottie's gone for more Dilithium Crystals
(Wed 30th Sep 2009, 16:40, More)
One from my dad
He used to work in an office with the usual nominated non-IT-support IT support bod, John Scott.
Scene, machine goes bandy, JS on site to see what's up, User fecks off, Post-it on the screen,
Computer broken,
Scottie's gone for more Dilithium Crystals
(Wed 30th Sep 2009, 16:40, More)
» IT Support
How i (almost) managed to bring a department to it's knees
The department in question was the network infrastructure support and implementation for a rather large international communications corporation, like HAL is to IBM, BU&U is to this outfit.
My chosed method of wreaking havoc, Spaced Penguin, the adventures of Zidgel, Midgel, Tidgel and Kevin, www.bigideafun.com/penguins/arcade/spaced_penguin/
It has been known to start one level in the right pixel and the level run overnight, with monsterous bonus score!
(Thu 1st Oct 2009, 10:52, More)
How i (almost) managed to bring a department to it's knees
The department in question was the network infrastructure support and implementation for a rather large international communications corporation, like HAL is to IBM, BU&U is to this outfit.
My chosed method of wreaking havoc, Spaced Penguin, the adventures of Zidgel, Midgel, Tidgel and Kevin, www.bigideafun.com/penguins/arcade/spaced_penguin/
It has been known to start one level in the right pixel and the level run overnight, with monsterous bonus score!
(Thu 1st Oct 2009, 10:52, More)
» Celebrities part II
Big Man, Small Car and other local heroes
Clive Mantle (Casualty consultant and Dawn French's early doors fancy piece in The Vicar of Dibley) must be top end 6 footer folded not ever so neatley in a white Lada riva pulling out of a junction outside of Bristol and Bath, so no so much met but waved him out as I was waiting at the other side, had the courtesy to nod in appreciation, thought he would have been able to afford sommat better, so more sympathy than general road politeness.
Graham Purches, of HTV news and BBC News fame at a petrol station opposite HTV studios, was pretty up himself, so made sure to do a short fill and cut in front of him in the queue, that'll learn 'im.
Tony Target, BBC Bristol et environs weatherman, in 21 Corn Street (It's a bar) on NYE 2001, was in for a pre-forecast loosener, dressed in tweed suit, leather elbow patches, and trousers that were too short, white socks and either plimsoles or dunlop green flashes. Didn't think of saying anything as he seemed to be embarrassing himself quite well as it was.
Not me though but in The Academy (Club next to the ice rink on frogmore st as it was then)at Massive Attack's Christmas Party my mate came out of the bogs gurning like a fool to annouce "I've just had a piss next to Daddy G", and then closely followed by him waiting after opening a door for someone to come through before traversing himself only to be ingnored by the premiere portal utiliser, stating loudly as he fella went by "Thank you!!" in a necessarily sarcastic manner, only to realise then it was Rob Del Naja or 3D, really ingratiated himself by insulting 1/3rd of the band and nearly doing a white wee next to another 1/3rd!
(Wed 14th Oct 2009, 10:45, More)
Big Man, Small Car and other local heroes
Clive Mantle (Casualty consultant and Dawn French's early doors fancy piece in The Vicar of Dibley) must be top end 6 footer folded not ever so neatley in a white Lada riva pulling out of a junction outside of Bristol and Bath, so no so much met but waved him out as I was waiting at the other side, had the courtesy to nod in appreciation, thought he would have been able to afford sommat better, so more sympathy than general road politeness.
Graham Purches, of HTV news and BBC News fame at a petrol station opposite HTV studios, was pretty up himself, so made sure to do a short fill and cut in front of him in the queue, that'll learn 'im.
Tony Target, BBC Bristol et environs weatherman, in 21 Corn Street (It's a bar) on NYE 2001, was in for a pre-forecast loosener, dressed in tweed suit, leather elbow patches, and trousers that were too short, white socks and either plimsoles or dunlop green flashes. Didn't think of saying anything as he seemed to be embarrassing himself quite well as it was.
Not me though but in The Academy (Club next to the ice rink on frogmore st as it was then)at Massive Attack's Christmas Party my mate came out of the bogs gurning like a fool to annouce "I've just had a piss next to Daddy G", and then closely followed by him waiting after opening a door for someone to come through before traversing himself only to be ingnored by the premiere portal utiliser, stating loudly as he fella went by "Thank you!!" in a necessarily sarcastic manner, only to realise then it was Rob Del Naja or 3D, really ingratiated himself by insulting 1/3rd of the band and nearly doing a white wee next to another 1/3rd!
(Wed 14th Oct 2009, 10:45, More)
» IT Support
Always check the voltage
Especially when working with equipment that is used onboard cruise ships. Rudimentary mathematics concludes that 240v into 110v doesn't go, well it kind of does but only 0.458 of it, which coincedentally is how long the printer i was testing lasted in seconds when i switched the unit on, red face was fully on show once the smoke had cleared.
As soon as i started this job it was clear that there was a distinct dislike for one member of the engineering department, he thought he could deal with anything his machine could come up with, he could deal with 80,000hp+ engines after all they were computer controlled, so a 1000mhz machine would be a piece of cake, and so begins the playing with registry keys and enevitable blue screen adventures, on a bi-monthly basis.
And finally... probably the best one
UK Corp. MD: Good morning, my pc is asking for a new password.
Net Admin: OK, i can change it for you if you like, what do you want?
UKCMD: I want my old one
NA: I'm sorry but you can't have the same password in any 18 month period
UKCMD: WHY NOT! I WANT TO KEEP MY PASSWORD! (imagine toys exiting executive pram)
NA: I'm sorry but it's a security risk, and the IT rules and policies in place explicitly forbid this
UKCMD: WHAT POLICY?
NA: The one you signed.
UKCMD: WELL IF I CAN'T HAVE MY OLD PASSWORD THEN I WON'T HAVE ONE AT ALL!
NA:I'm sorry i can't do that either
UKCMD:I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!
As is the situation in so many cases the manager gets spoken to and the spineless fecker caves, suspending the policy, resetting the password, non-expiration and re-activating said policy.
Is it wrong to have the IT Crowd pixel art characters as wallpaper, on your 3 screened desktop machine, laptop and mobile phone, and the theme as a ringtone?
(Wed 30th Sep 2009, 16:27, More)
Always check the voltage
Especially when working with equipment that is used onboard cruise ships. Rudimentary mathematics concludes that 240v into 110v doesn't go, well it kind of does but only 0.458 of it, which coincedentally is how long the printer i was testing lasted in seconds when i switched the unit on, red face was fully on show once the smoke had cleared.
As soon as i started this job it was clear that there was a distinct dislike for one member of the engineering department, he thought he could deal with anything his machine could come up with, he could deal with 80,000hp+ engines after all they were computer controlled, so a 1000mhz machine would be a piece of cake, and so begins the playing with registry keys and enevitable blue screen adventures, on a bi-monthly basis.
And finally... probably the best one
UK Corp. MD: Good morning, my pc is asking for a new password.
Net Admin: OK, i can change it for you if you like, what do you want?
UKCMD: I want my old one
NA: I'm sorry but you can't have the same password in any 18 month period
UKCMD: WHY NOT! I WANT TO KEEP MY PASSWORD! (imagine toys exiting executive pram)
NA: I'm sorry but it's a security risk, and the IT rules and policies in place explicitly forbid this
UKCMD: WHAT POLICY?
NA: The one you signed.
UKCMD: WELL IF I CAN'T HAVE MY OLD PASSWORD THEN I WON'T HAVE ONE AT ALL!
NA:I'm sorry i can't do that either
UKCMD:I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!
As is the situation in so many cases the manager gets spoken to and the spineless fecker caves, suspending the policy, resetting the password, non-expiration and re-activating said policy.
Is it wrong to have the IT Crowd pixel art characters as wallpaper, on your 3 screened desktop machine, laptop and mobile phone, and the theme as a ringtone?
(Wed 30th Sep 2009, 16:27, More)