» Personal Hygiene

Not the greatest story, but still... WHY?!
My local Subway restaraunt is a good two minutes' drive from my school, so it's a frequent lunch destination. But one lunch there would be unforgettable.

A woman walks in, wearing a regular old ratty shirt and blue sweatpants, awkwardly high above her waist, but not quite above her belly. She walked in and headed straight to the bathroom.

A moment later she reappeared, and stood in line, patiently waiting to order. From my seating position, I could see her back and rear end clearly, and it was then that I noticed there was something new on her solid blue sweat pants. Something new and brown.

I pointed out to my friends the one large and four small satellite smears on this woman's pants and as I struggled to keep eating, I hoped to god that when she reached the cash register, (which was closer to us than she was when I noticed the smears) we would have the fortune not to recieve a waft of aformentioned smears. No such luck.

In fact, it was something of a BLAST of shit-smell launched out of parallel, vertical cannons into each of my nostrils as she reached the cash register. We all smelled it at the same time, and I stood up to run to the bathroom, closely followed by one of my friends, when I realized that it was the bathroom was the scene of the crime to begin with. Fearing the horrors of what lay inside, I turned around and stopped my friend, and we all just grabbed our food and booked it out the door, breathing deeply the clean fresh air.

Quite an adventure in disgust.
(Mon 26th Mar 2007, 20:49, More)

» Personal Hygiene

so one time..
i bought these pants and they were particularly long, so i wore them further above my waist than i normally would

and that's the story of my personal high jeans
(Tue 27th Mar 2007, 22:32, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

Liftoff!
In elementary school, when I was a boy of 12, one of my friends was a huge boy named Michael. He ate too much, and his parents fed him too much, but it was in his genes as well (his parents were both enormous), so he was quite strong, too.

The kid everyone used to pick on around that time was named Steven. He was a scrawny blond-hair-and-freckles guy, with a bit of an attitude and a knack for getting himself in trouble.

So one day after school, Michael is making fun of Steven's Star Wars shirt (beleive me, I was on Steven's side, that shirt was awesome! It even had tie-dye!!) so Steven finally broke down and started running at Michael.

In one swift motion, Michaels leg met soundly with Steven's groin, and like a train through a tractor, Steven had no chance for survival. Michael's sheer mass, (and Steven's lack of) caused him to literally be picked up, both feet off the ground, and dumped on his side, clutching his crotch and crying loudly.

I was stunned... but I couldn't help but laugh at the amazing display of physics I'd just witnessed.

Apologies for length.. but it's my first time, baby!
(Thu 20th Jul 2006, 19:03, More)

» Why I was late

Why was I late?
The alarm didn't wake me up.

...

...

...these are supposed to be clever, aren't they...
(Wed 4th Jul 2007, 0:27, More)

» Ripped Off

I bought one of those "MAKE MONEY FROM HOME" things on the internet
And even though it was "Guaranteed," I didn't get any money back.

Don't fall for it.
(Fri 16th Feb 2007, 0:21, More)