» I'm an expert

My expertise is in the study of Tourettes Syndrome
Im fucking brilliant at it wanker,bastard piss off.
(Sat 25th Jun 2005, 0:34, More)

» Jobsworths

I interview lots of lovely people
tell them that they have done wonderfully, give them lots of positive nonverbals etc,enthuse in them how wonderful an applicant they sound....then send them out a fuck off letter. Utter Bliss
(Thu 12th May 2005, 20:59, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

Had an amazingly stingy mate
who insisted I coughed up £3 yes £3 for 1 Sour Cream and Onion Pringle crisp! Hmmmm Bastard
(Thu 9th Jun 2005, 19:43, More)

» When I met the parents

Think visit to girlfriends house with parents
on site.Think 1st meeting.Think me offering to make cuppa tea.Think me leaving ring on cooker on with chip saucepan.Think lots of blah de blah chat while chippan starts fire. Think kitchen curtains ablaze and me and pops trying to put same out. Think that was last time I saw them and her.Think Firestarter. They did!
(Tue 24th May 2005, 19:01, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

During the Spring/Summer 95
I was so bored at work as a security man at a local firm and,while not wishing to waste my creative juices,I made an interesting and deeply significant piece of art.
A candle from my earwax. Wick and all!
(Fri 29th Apr 2005, 19:29, More)