» I was drunk when I bought this

drink hey
I once bought a pool cue for £1.58 (so I was informed a few days after) from the landlord even though he insisted it wasn't for sale.

My barring gets lifted in a weeks time, yay.

edit: Thinking about it I was never refunded my £1.58 either.
(Thu 9th Jun 2005, 14:04, More)

» Celebrities part II

A touch frosty
About 6 years ago whilst still in sixth form I worked for a regional airline on checkin at my local airport. This was the time that it had just become policy for for all passengers to have some form of photo ID to travel (even just within the UK). Most people had no problems in producing something even if they weren't aware of the requirement apart from one twunt.
There has a lot of activity around my village and surrounding towns with filming crews filming another load of shite for ITV drama. I was plodding on through checking people in for a london flight one busy evening when a old man came to the desk. He was in a rush, not very talkative and was a bit rude as he chucked his ticket at me.
"Can I see you photo ID please sir" says I. Clearly annoyed with such a request he snarls "Whats all this about? I'm fucking travelling within the UK, I don't need photo ID". Trying to be nice I replied "I'm afraid its company policy, certainly in this airport, I'm sorry you weren't aware". To which he snapped "Oh FFS" and then removed his aviator glasses and shitty hat, looked at me in the eye and stated "This is my photo ID" whilst just standing there smug as a cunt. Then the penny dropped, it was David Jason (real name david white on the ticket by which time he had shoved his passport under my nose.
You may be a knight of the realm but it doesn't give you the right talk to everyone like a complete cunt.
(Fri 9th Oct 2009, 15:11, More)

» Accidental innuendo

civil engineering - lecture on retaining walls
"As you can see the small member we have here is small therefore making the penetrative depth small too"

titter titter
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 19:19, More)

» Now, there was no need for that...

Revenge
is a dish best served cold, so lock them in the freezer.
(Thu 16th Jun 2005, 17:11, More)

» Weddings

Bastard Bouncers
Twas my uncle's best mates wedding. The reception was in my local village hall.
As a condition of renting the place, they insist the party hire doormen to keep out any unsavioury people (read: bastard dirty chavs).
So, me being 6 foot 3 and rather well built I was asked by uncle if I would do it. Why not?! Easy money and free beer.
So the night comes, I get a friend of similar size to help out and we sit on door all suited up.

I honestly didn't think we'd have anything to do.
Come about 10 pm we're very hungry so we decide the place can look after itself for 5 mins and make a quick dash for the local chineese.
On returing with our aromatic duck we discover 4 crates of beer, 6 boxes of wine and a third of the DJ's CD collection have been swiped by a bunch of the aforementioned 12 year old chavs.

Ooops. Still got payed though :)
(Mon 18th Jul 2005, 16:17, More)