» Top Tips

Struggling to buy fags because you don't look old enough??
Take the tobaconist to the nearest bus stop, and when the bus arrives attempt to get on paying for a half fair ticket. While the bus driver and tobacconist ague over how old you are, go back to the shop and steal the desired cigarettes.
(Thu 7th Dec 2006, 13:40, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

Yeah cars n'all that jazz
I'll try and keep this breif.
Driving along dual carriage way, pull out to overtake slow moving traffic in left lane. Car up my arse all of a sudden. I stick to the 70mph speed limit with this little prick trying to bully me over into the slow lane. I remain, undetered. I pass the last car I figure a reasonable manouvre before my slip road steadily approaches on the left. I have pulled into a gap following an artic' lorry and being followed by the last car I overtook. The prick driving like a twunt that was just touching my bumper with his decides it's do-able to continue past me, and overtake the artic' in front of me before swinging into the same slip road I'm now indicating for. The laws of physics decided that it's not as do-able as shitforbrains thinks. He must have hit about 90mph before he decides to try to swerve in front of this lorry, causing the rear of his car to fall into a spin sliding accross the slip road(directly in my oncoming road - I could practically wave at him and his passingers while he did this) and back into the centre of the dual carriageway inevitably taking a SMACK from the artic' lorry.
It was actually quite a horrific crash, and definately not something you would say " I bet that taught him! " to due to it's nastiness. - the car was mangled caused by bouncing off various objects.
But as he sat there in the centre of the dual carriage way facing the wrong way, and all oncoming traffic ground to a halt staring him in the face, I did however think "I bet you feel like a right cunt, don't you?"
(Wed 2nd May 2007, 16:01, More)

» School fights

I don't know where to start
My school was sooo damn rough, it would be impossible to include even 3% of the fights I have had the pleasure to whitness. Fortunatly for me, I was able to include myself amongst the rugby/football dicks (whose morals were in the right place - but braun was by far more powerful than their brains) I therefore managed to avoid any fights directed at myself, due to my "friend of the people" attitude.
Anyway, by far the best fight I ever saw wasn't long after starting High School, on my way home we over heard a group of kids shouting (egging on - as the teachers liked to refer to it - this was apparently as bad as being involved in the fight according to them... I to this day, disagree.) Anyway, 2 girls on a playing field - a lot older than me at the time, and therefore well endowed in the chest region. It was great!, I'm sure you can imagine. Clothing flying high, these pair were literally left with nothing but their skirts on (and rolling around on the floor, they might as well have not been wearing skirts) a cut lip and a bloody nose later, they scrambled to gather their clothes up realising that the people "egging" on were no longer there for the fight, more for the pornographic imagery a child under the age of 18 found near impossible to get hold of.

Oh happy days...
(Fri 10th Mar 2006, 14:16, More)

» Top Tips

I could copy and paste individual tips from here, then take the glory... as it is...
www.fortunecity.co.uk/meltingpot/jinx/399/jokes/Stupid/Viz_Top_Tips.html




(it show's I'm not all that fussed about you clicking "I like this" too - honourable me, you see)
(Thu 7th Dec 2006, 15:49, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Public loo door in some public house
Stated:

My daughter..... Loves the cock
(Tue 8th May 2007, 14:22, More)