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I'm a Northern Monkey/Badger currently residing in London after a brief stint "studying" (I use the term loosely) at Keele University

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Best answers to questions:

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

I'm a chef in a chain pub restaurant
We play all sorts of tricks on people, ie new staff and waiting staff. Send them up to the fridge for chicken lips, etc

The best one was vetween a chef and a waiter.
The waiter was a guy called Scott who only worked on sundays. Although he's a very clever chap he talked quite slowly.
The Chef was a guy named Daryll.

Now what we did was on Darylls first sunday shift was to tell him that Scott was mentally retarded and only worked one day a week on day release. Everyone had to talk to Scott very slowly and clearly and under no circumstances must he shout or get angry with Scott or else he may go mental.
We then told Scott exactly the same thing about daryll.

For about 3 weeks, all us chefs were pissing ourselfs at them two, untill we couldn't take it anymore and told them.

Daryll left a week later
(Fri 21st Jul 2006, 17:33, More)

» The Emergency Services

As a child, I got the rubber tip of a Thunderbird 3 toy stuck in my ear
On being taken to hospital by Mum to have it removed, news quickly spread of my stupidity.

Cue every single Paramedic and Doctor walking past me like a Thunderbird puppet for the next three hours whilst humming the theme tune
(Thu 16th May 2013, 21:51, More)

» Addicted

I might as well face it
I'm addicted to love
(Fri 19th Dec 2008, 13:19, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

During my time as a sixth former
A small kid pushed in front of me in the dinner queue, so I picked him up turned around and put him on his arse.

"What are you doing?" He said
"Your mum" I childishly replied.
"My mum's dead" came the response, folled by a swift "so thats why she didn't move around so much then"!

The kids started crying his eyes out and had to be comforted by a dinner lady...
(Fri 12th Dec 2008, 15:15, More)

» Stories of unsurpassed brilliance

A straight mate of mine at uni was asked if he would suck a dick for 1 million
He replied "bloody hell, for that amount of money I'd suck a million dicks"

He's now a Doctor.
(Thu 24th Nov 2016, 8:14, More)
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