» Weddings

Sisters Wedding
Before hand i'd made a bet with my dad that it'd not last a year... i won this bet TWICE

But i digress, at my sisters wedding everything seemed to be going ok. I hated the groom, pretty much since i'd laid eyes upon him and even thou i don't care much for my sister i figured out that she could do better than this twunt.

Usual rubbish, speaches etc etc. The bar opens! Hoorah, the highlight of the day!!
I proceed to get stuck in, anything went, but Stella and little sausage rolls were the order of the day.

The spliff didn't help....

Things get worse.

I'm with my older sister and we're known for getting hammered. I loose count of the ammount of beer i've drunk (somewhere between 18 and 21 pints of Stella, shots and spliffage)

BUT.. i'm holding it together. I can walk and i can slur so i think i'm ok. We leave, the bride and groom are at the door saying goodnight to people. The groom thinks that i'm all tearful because i've lost my sister.. he pats me on the shoulder and says "don't worry i'll look after her..." BING for a split second i instantly sober up and reply

"Don't worry half of your friends have already looked after her"

DOH... my dad hoists me over the shoulder to avoid me getting my head punched in and runs to the car, he's laughing so hard that he crashes the car on the way back from the car park

Apols about length / girth etc
(Fri 15th Jul 2005, 14:00, More)

» The Police

Ahh the Fuzz, the rozzers etc etc
i was once reported dead, god knows why!
to prove that you are alive all you need to do is phone the local cop shop and if memory serves:

ME: "Hello, i've been reported dead and i was told to call to tell you that i'm not"

OFFICER: "Thank you for phoning and letting us know, what's your name?"

ME: " INSERT NAME HERE "

OFFICER: "Ok i will make a note and inform the correct people.."

So the phone call ends... i could have got my best friend to phone.
A week later a letter arrives, thanking me for phoning so promptly

WTF?
(Thu 22nd Sep 2005, 17:39, More)

» When I met the parents

Laaaaaaager
The first time i met the Ex-Mrs father was after about 8 months of seeing her, so we'd done the monkey dance and we were getting along fine.

Q, meeting the parents. Now they must have wondered about me after 8 months with their daughter, so the hail of questions that flew my way was like machine gune fire.
They all were answered politely and then i was taken down the pub to get drunk with the father whilst the ladies chatted.

Not so bad eh? Her brother was in the pub, tall skinny, skin head guy. Proceeded to say that "if i touched his sister without his concent he'd kill me"

Nice chap
(Thu 19th May 2005, 19:57, More)

» The Onosecond

Interview
not me but a friend had an interview at Sony (we're in the games industry) as the company we were working for was going down like a hooker with a member of parliament.

He has a habit of going off on one and he told himself that he wasn't going to do it this time. So in the interview all is going well until they ask what games he liked on the PS2, he rattles off a list and then gets to a game called the Getaway (which was a POS), he goes off on one, telling the interviewers that it was rubbish and that the people that made it should be hunted down by dogs with blunt teeth etc.

The interview ends, he's obviously mucked up.

Week later gets a second interview with different people.

Does the same thing that he did with the Getaway, cept a different game.

The lesson is praise the company that you want to work for, you can see no fault in anything that they do and you love them even if they do kill fluffy creatures and main small children for fun.

(Appol for length but not the girth)
(Thu 26th May 2005, 13:44, More)