» Stupid Tourists

Stupid Americans!
Quite recently I was waiting in the departure lounge at Edinburgh airport for a trip to Barcelona, and a group of elderly American tourists (flying to Dublin, where I can only imagine they got on even worse) were sitting were sitting in the seats behind us. They were old enough to really know better, but they were American..

Strike one:
One of the men complaining about the 'Scotch' he had purchased from the duty free shop

'This Scotch is 8 years old...who wants to drink whiskey that isn't fresh?'

Strike two:
The same moron eating a packet of Walkers' 'Four Cheese Flavour' Crisps, to one of the other oldies

'What number is your cheese'

'Sorry?'

'Mine is number four, I was wondering what yours was'

Strike Three...you're out!

Boarding call for one of the flights, clearly in perfect English, one of the idiots states:

'I thought they done announcements in the British language'

There was also a classic that someone left in the guestbook in Edinburgh castle (again, an American):

'Nice castle...but couldn't you have built it closer to the airport?'
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 1:14, More)

» Crappy Prizes

Beanz Meanz Heinz
When I was in Primary 4 I entered a raffle at the school Christmas Fair. I Had my eye on a Barbie car. So I spend £4 of my (mother's) money on raffle tickets coz I wanted the Barbie car so much.

I won a tin of Heinz baked beans.

Who the hell decided to make baked beans a raffle prize?!

It wasnt even one of the fun big huge tins. It was just a regular tin of beans.

Bastards!
(Wed 10th Aug 2005, 23:06, More)

» Take my Mother-in-law...

Orange County
My ex-boyfriend's mother was a manic-depressive alcoholic and, although to talk to she was nice enough, she had times where she was just a complete nightmare.
Thses include:

1. Hitting ex-boyfriend with the car when he was 14 years old, on purpose, when he tried to stop her driving when she was drunk. She broke his leg. Although to be fair I'd like to hit said ex-boyfriend with a car too so maybe thats not so weird.

2. Ex-boyfriend had a party when mother was on holiday with boyfriend. Mother comes back early crying hysterically because boyfriend has run off and left her. Mother then gets drunk and screams and bawls at everyone to leave, even though we were in the middle of the countryside. Ended up with people having to drive drunk simply because it was too far out for any taxi company to show up.

3. Mother's boyfriend stole £2000 from her bank account. She lied to the police and blamed her son (said ex-boyfriend) who was then interviewed about a million times and nearly arrested till his dad came in and told them about Mother's boyfriend. Mother gets charged with wasting police time.

Also, if youve ever seen the film Orange County, you'll remember the bit the Head of Admissions comes to their house and the mother gets pissed and humiliates everyone. Similar things happened like a hundred times at the ex's house. She is very like the mother in Orange County.
(Wed 14th Sep 2005, 16:42, More)