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» The Boss

Crazy Steve
There were 3 managers in a fast food place that I worked, two that loved their jobs and the other, Crazy Steve, who clearly didn't give a shit.

Some of his highlights include:

1. Shooting an attractive girl in the face with a mayonnaise gun because she was complaining. (They have pretty impressive range actually).

2. Often just telling customers to get out if they complained and even dragging one out by his shirt.

3. Turning the cctv off and helping 3 guys that pulled up in a van lift the statue of said food chain's famed mascot into the back. (He didn't even know these guys, they just pulled up and tried to steal it randomly).

4. Leaping over the counter and having a fight with a tramp outside the store.

5. Giving a kid a giant ice cream in one of the buckets for chicken and acting like it was normal.

6. Closing the store one time because he wanted pizza and phoning up Dominoe's and offering a trade. They accepted.

7. Setting the fire alarms off accidentally about once a week and giving all of the fireman free food when they showed up. He also found some gizmo in the office draw and was dancing around clicking it until the police showed up and informed us it was some panic alarm thingy.

8. We had some points reward system; he'd just give them to us regardless. 'You want a new playstation game Jonny? Here, have 4000 points and get it out of the catalogue.'

9. Would give children the whole set of toys with one meal.

10. Giving some guy's dog an ice cream outside.

11. Would just park his car in the drive thru and pretend it had broken down if we were too busy.

12. Writing bizarre complaints about the other managers, such as 'I don't like Dave's ears' and putting them in the drop box.

13. On a few occasions he'd take a bunch of french frie bags into the office and write the names and numbers of the employee working the stand on them and slip them back in to the pile. So I'd then inadvertantly hand some girl a portion of fries with my number on. I even got a call once.

14. Told me to take the trash home, which I found bizarre, but put it in the boot of my car anyway since he was so persistent, to find he'd just filled a black bag up with bags of mini-eggs from the store.

15. (one I forgot) He threw out all of our name badges and ordered us new ones from head office, including 'Fanny' for some gay bloke and 'Lil rem'. I was given the appropriate 'Ahmed'. I'm white.

16. (Another I forgot as it's not so much crazy, but just nice) We had to monitor the waste at the end of the shift and put it in some bin, incase we had a surprise inspection the next day and they counted it for the week. But he'd just pretend to put it in there and let us take whatever we wanted, then give the rest to homeless people on the way home. The other two managers were strict that it MUST go in the bin.
(Fri 19th Jun 2009, 14:37, More)

» Waste of money

I'm an idiot
I've only ever been on one blind date* and I've sworn to never do it again, this is why.

I got set up on a blind date by a friend with one of his work colleagues. He assured me she's about 5'3, cute, long brunette hair and great company. Had a very brief phone conversation with her beforehand and she tells me she'll be wearing a red coat.

I arrive and am relieved to see her walking in the opposite direction towards me as I reach the restaurant. I run up and say hi, give her a hug, she looks more nervous than I do. Excellent. Ask if she's hungry and ready to grab something to eat, she replies 'Ummm...sure', a lot more nervous, brilliant!

Small talk for a bit, ask her what she does etc. If she does this sort of thing often, tell her she sounds a bit different on the phone; she has no clue what I'm on about. About 10 mins in, my phone buzzes, I'd usually not answer it on a date, but it's the blind date calling? Huh?

Excuse myself and answer it, she's sorry, but she's going to be about an hour late because she got held up at work. So who the hell am I on a date with? Just some random that I met on the street, which explains why she was so nervous and bemused.

I had to rush through the meal with her in record time before the actual blind date arrived. Then I had to spin some bullshit upon meeting her and take her somewhere else because I'd already used up my reservation and the waiting staff would think I was nuts.

So I paid for two meals that day, and struggled through the second one while trying to act all normal (I barely touched the steak). I got the first girl's number at the end but never heard from her again, and the first meal was more expensive than the second one!

Not only that, but the second one told my friend that I was acting weird during the meal.

Top work Catherine in the red coat, wherever you may be, you played a blinder and got free food and drink that night!

*Technically, two.
(Thu 30th Sep 2010, 14:39, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

Typo of doom

A few years ago, when I was about six months into a new job, I was participating in a presentation remotely. We’d been commissioned by a rather large educational company to create a web site that allowed children to play games against each other. This is fairly common these days but at the time it wasn’t so much.

It was early in the development stage, and we’d knocked together a 2D beat-em-up, mortal kombat style game. The kids could simply fight against each other using the arrow keys and space bar to punch etc. It was both graphically and technically simple, but had been a bit of a mare to put it together.

Through the design phase the client had specified that they would prefer one character to be of a ‘Caucasian’ origin and the other of an ‘African American’ origin, in order to appeal to the various minority groups and appear welcoming. The intention was to have a variety of characters upon completion, but if the client wanted it for the prototype; who are we to argue? We settled upon a stocky, punkish sort of fellow with a green Mohawk, and as the other character a tall, black gangster kind of dude.

We’d also inserted a chat screen below the main action, where the two kids fighting could communicate with each other, just for banter etc.

All was going well with the presentation, and my boss, on-site with the client, was talking them through it before allowing one of the big honchos to play a little game against myself, whom was safely nestled back in our office, hundreds of miles away.

We began and I noticed the movements of the client’s character were a bit erratic, and I initially assumed it may have been a lag issue, until I recognized he kept moving away from me. So obviously I figured he was confused which character was his, so I attempted to help using the chat screen, and sending the following helpful message.

“I’m the punk, you’re the bigger guy”.

Except, during the creation of the peripheral device known as the keyboard, some intelligent bigot had decided to place the B key right next to the N key.

My quick follow up of…

*bigger

…convinced no one that I wasn’t a racist. :(

I can only imagine what my boss’s face must have looked like…
(Thu 22nd Nov 2007, 14:40, More)

» I'm glad nobody saw me

SCORE!
Was walking back from football training when I saw my whore of an ex-gf strolling along with some of her skanky chums. Without even really thinking about it I gave the ball a real punt in their direction ( I recall even cackling to myself as it left my foot), then as it flew through the air realised it was a bit of a childish thing to do, so countered this by hiding behind a bush.

It walloped her in the back of the head and spilt her pepsi all over her clown-caked face. The ball ricocheted off her noggin over a garden fence and was nowhere to be seen, they looked around in confusion then after a minute carried on walking. I was about 19 at the time and it's probably one of the most immature things I've ever done, but it still makes me laugh.
(Fri 28th Jan 2011, 16:58, More)

» Mix Tapes

Rocky goes for a jog

I put a collection of uplifting, motivational music on my ipod, that i listened to while jogging around a local park in the evenings. Mostly completely shocking things like The Final Countdown, the new batman theme and some crap euro football song called campione.

Which resulted in me fighting off a mugger to Eye of the Tiger playing in my ears.

It was the single, greatest moment of my life.

Lost my wallet though.
(Thu 7th Feb 2008, 17:11, More)
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