» My most gullible moment

my girlfriend her sister and a friend.
Got them all in one go,

We were sitting in the pub talking about March Of The Penguins and I told them that when they do the overhead shots from helicopters or when planes land (do they?) with supplies the penguins are startled and look up to see this new creature. However when they fly directly overhead they topple backwards and can't get up again. When I said this they were all "thats so cute" etc and then felt bad for them being unable to right themselves. I then had to tell them of the penguin righters who's job it was was to run out when they seen them fall and either put them on their bellys again so they can stand up again or in the case of baby ones stand them straight themselves.

Told them you could apply online and all. I then completly forgot about it untill the other night I got a text asking for the site, she thought it could be fun and wanted to know more and if i'd go. I had to come clean then, I didn't want her to get to pissed off and cut me off from the hairy cup

length? it does
(Thu 21st Aug 2008, 20:18, More)

» Pubs

Probably nothing compared to most of these stories
But when working in my local for a birthday party i had the misfortune of nipping to the loo for a shit and as i was relieving myself i heard a womans voice and the undoing of a belt buckle. As i listened closer it became very VERY apparent that she was getting a good hard ramming from someone. oh how i laughed and finished dropping the kids off. It was when i came out to the bar again that i realised what was going on.

The girl in question was the girl celebtaring her 21st with her entire family and her boyfreind and their friends. however seeing that her boyfriend was still out here a quick head count meant that she had taken the guy that 5 minutes before had been sleeping at the bar.

Oh oh

it was only a matter of time before someone she knew went for a shit, heard the commotion and told the family ( i had just told the locals, we wanted some fun that night so we sat back and relaxed) The father went apeshit trying to kick down the door, the boyfrind was i tears, people were trying to console the hysterical mother, friends were fighting eachother and blaming everyone else and she refused to come out cause "all you fuckers don't understand" it carried on for another 5 mins or so by this time the hallway was packed before the guy made a run for it got caught and had to be grabbed by myself an 2 other staff as the family wanted blood. we put him into the back room got most of the troublemakers out (inc the girls who you could hear crying the whole way up the road. oh how we laughed until we came back into the back bar to see loverboy asleep again and a smell wafting from his direction. Yes ladies and gents this romeo who the birthday girl had chosen was better than her current boyfriend was now lying asleep in a chair having both shat himself and pissed his pants. Classy. i do feel sorry for the mate who had to give him a lift home.
(Tue 10th Feb 2009, 17:15, More)

» DIY disasters

All in one day
Well as usual for a teenager I though I knew it all and nobody could tell me otherwise. So after a 6-month stint as an electrician during my work experience I took it upon myself to do some improvements around the house. Surprise my ma when she got back from shopping

First – Bring a light from the house to the shed. Simple enough I thought. Have a plug for it in the house bring the cable out the window into the tree beside and run it above the drive into the shed drill a few holes for cable in the wooden beams, sorted. Nice neat job. All was going swimmingly till the beam bit. The drill either slipped or I got caught with a chunk of flying shrapnel (well wood chip) and skinned my nose from tip to where it meets forehead. Didn’t notice at first till I seen my t-shirt was going from a grey to a distinctly darker colour. Didn’t think it was to serious so got a bandage pad and stuck it on thinking that would do. What next

Second – Where’s that mirror Ma wanted in the lower room. Get it and out comes drill again. Change bit line the mirror up over the sink and drill. Everything seems to be going ok till I notice there appears to be water coming out of the hole I’m drilling. Confused danniemcq stops and pulls the bit out and water starts coming out quite rapidly. Shit. Turns out I hit the hot water pipe going into the room. Shit shit shit. Run upstairs into the room above and open the press under the window looking to turn this torrent off. Couldn’t see anything in there really so grabbed a torch and plunged headlong in. Still see nothing except for some grey football looking thing in the corner that might have some use for me (why I dunno I was a teenager) so I done what anyone would do and poked it with a coat hanger. Yeah turns out it was a wasp hive. Fuck fuck fuck I scrambled back out and shut the door with only a few stings and ran back downstairs. By now the wal in the other room is looking pretty dark where the water is gushing. Only one thing left to do, ring my uncle. I told him the story and through bouts of laughter he told me where the “cog” was (see I’m real technical eh!) and turn off the hot water. Sigh

So Ma comes home 10 minutes later to find me sitting in the kitchen having a cuppa (like all good DIYers) face covered in a bloody bandage, my t-shirt ruined, several wasp stings on my forehead and arms, small drops of blood on the kitchen floor, a press full of pissed off wasps, a bust pipe, a soaked wall and no hot water in the house. I had to even pay for the plumber and that room in question the wall is fine but it will never have hot water again.

Length? Well I lasted an hour last night
(Wed 9th Apr 2008, 15:35, More)

» My most gullible moment

Have to shame myself too
When i was but a young danniemcq me and my ma were planting flowers in garden and she convinced me that if we didn't do a dance around them they wouldn't grow. So there I was maybe 5 or 6 years old dancing around the seeds at 5 in the afternoon making whoop whoop noises.

They grew though...
(Thu 21st Aug 2008, 20:29, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Not human but,,,
When I was about 10 or so I was cycling to my friends house to play some football. Hey it was a sunny day not a cloud in the sky and I was but a young scamp. This time however my dog decided to follow me. Coming out of the house onto the road the dog runs ahead and ends up doing cartwheels down the road after a white van smacked it.

Cue tears etc, etc I’m inconsolable can’t do anything but watch TV and roar and cry. Anyway dog is later put down (murdered in my mind at the time) cue me in hysterics (come on I was 10 and it was my only real friend) and Ma doesn’t know what to do to cheer me up.

The next day we headed to the big town and bought me a pair of football boots. “Sniff, sniff thanks” I warble, so back into the car and home. I disappear to play football and after a while Ma comes looking for me. I’m nowhere to be found. She panics and runs around the house (we live in the country) and eventually finds me in my dogs freshly re-dug grave showing my new boots to by day dead dog. He didn’t say if he liked them or not.

Sorry for length I’m meant to be typing an assignment and this makes it look like I am to anyone watching.
(Fri 29th Feb 2008, 8:52, More)