Profile for stuj:
Name: Stuj.
Age: 43. Fuck, I'm ANCIENT.
Nationality: Welsh.
Occupation: Weatherman. No, not on the telly. No, not on the radio either. Look I just get paid to look out of the window and tell people it's raining, play with balloons and do a bit of colouring-in alright?
I'm BACK from a bunch of rocks at the arse end of the South Atlantic! WOO HOO!
I'm one of the few members of the /talk I love Ding-a-ling fell for a ding-a-ling club.
Well, I was until she bit me. And told me to fuck off. And that I was a fucking idiot. And that if she was my girlfriend she'd cheat on me. And that she's not prepared to wait for me any longer. And that I'm simply fucking too annoying. So now I'm going to kidnap and torture her until she loves me again. It's a foolproof plan.
And there's nothing to stop me continuing my reign as the High Priest of The Church Of Ding. And Keeper Of The Holy Golden Bum Of Ding.
Current other members:
Moguragunsou (Plz call me Moggy): Temporary Replacement Golden Bummed Goddess Excommunicated for manga-noncery :(
MONO!: New Temporary Replacement Golden Bummed Goddess.
Scott: Chief Acolyte. Excommunicated.
Lord Gnome: Chief Acolyte and Keeper Of The Seven Keys.
Broadsword: Head of The Incoherent Inquisition.
Kersal Missive: Head of The Vestigal Virgins.
Postal Ninja: Head Ninja and Keeper Of The Letters.
Alligator Shitfuck 2-1:Chief Televangalist.
MooCow Byter:Bishop. Excommunicated for meat heresy.
Druid: Minister.
Monk3yspunkmop3d: Vicar.
90Nz0: Chief Scribe.
Wynoh: Bard.
spacefish: Vicar.
Noit: Vicar.
Cap'n Tallbeard: Vicar.
Theoban: Archbishop.
Spider Riviera: Bishop. Keeper Of The Prawn Crackers.
BatDyke: Mother Superior.
Kristine: Dominatrix
GrandmaOfShoes: Head Choirboy.
Lightguy: Vicar.
Just Harry: Vicar.
TBL: Vicar.
Zouwan:Head Missionary and Bishop Of China. Demoted to probationary choirboy. Vicar.
Dilligaf:New Head Missionary. Excommunicated for failing to RESPECT. MY. AUTHOR.IT.AY!
hot white cum YEAH!: Bishop.
Easty: Vicar.
20th January is Penguin Awareness Day, be aware of PENGUINS!
25th April is World Penguin Day.
6th June is SLAYER Day. RIFF! www.nationaldayofslayer.org/
21st September is Axolotl Day.
5th December is International Day Of The Ninja. Bring your own smoke bombs.
I make aeroplane noises while wanking
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- a member for 7 years, 11 months and 9 days
- has posted 654 messages on the main board
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Name: Stuj.
Age: 43. Fuck, I'm ANCIENT.
Nationality: Welsh.
Occupation: Weatherman. No, not on the telly. No, not on the radio either. Look I just get paid to look out of the window and tell people it's raining, play with balloons and do a bit of colouring-in alright?
I'm BACK from a bunch of rocks at the arse end of the South Atlantic! WOO HOO!
I'm one of the few members of the /talk I love Ding-a-ling fell for a ding-a-ling club.
Well, I was until she bit me. And told me to fuck off. And that I was a fucking idiot. And that if she was my girlfriend she'd cheat on me. And that she's not prepared to wait for me any longer. And that I'm simply fucking too annoying. So now I'm going to kidnap and torture her until she loves me again. It's a foolproof plan.
And there's nothing to stop me continuing my reign as the High Priest of The Church Of Ding. And Keeper Of The Holy Golden Bum Of Ding.
Current other members:
MONO!: New Temporary Replacement Golden Bummed Goddess.
Lord Gnome: Chief Acolyte and Keeper Of The Seven Keys.
Broadsword: Head of The Incoherent Inquisition.
Kersal Missive: Head of The Vestigal Virgins.
Postal Ninja: Head Ninja and Keeper Of The Letters.
Alligator Shitfuck 2-1:Chief Televangalist.
MooCow Byter:
Druid: Minister.
Monk3yspunkmop3d: Vicar.
90Nz0: Chief Scribe.
Wynoh: Bard.
spacefish: Vicar.
Noit: Vicar.
Cap'n Tallbeard: Vicar.
Theoban: Archbishop.
Spider Riviera: Bishop. Keeper Of The Prawn Crackers.
BatDyke: Mother Superior.
Kristine: Dominatrix
GrandmaOfShoes: Head Choirboy.
Lightguy: Vicar.
Just Harry: Vicar.
TBL: Vicar.
Zouwan:
Dilligaf:
hot white cum YEAH!: Bishop.
Easty: Vicar.
20th January is Penguin Awareness Day, be aware of PENGUINS!
25th April is World Penguin Day.
6th June is SLAYER Day. RIFF! www.nationaldayofslayer.org/
21st September is Axolotl Day.
5th December is International Day Of The Ninja. Bring your own smoke bombs.
I make aeroplane noises while wanking
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Training courses, seminars and conferences
Not me but a former colleague.
As an equal opportunity employer my managment implemented a mandatory course on "Equality And Diversity In The Workplace".
Now, the office that I was working in at the time was due to close so we were seriously short-staffed as people got moved to other postings. By short-staffed I mean that nearly everyone left was working 70 hour weeks as standard, good overtime when you're only rostered for 42 hours a week, but no real time off to enjoy it. The manager was on the forecasting bench full-time too, so he wasn't best pleased when he took a call from HR at our headquarters complaining that none of us had signed up for this course.
HR: "Look, this course is mandatory, but not ONE member of your staff has come forward to sign up for it."
Boss: "That'll be because none of the poor sods is getting more than one day off a week, how do you expect us to fill the roster here AND release staff for a 2 day talking-shop?"
HR: "Well you're going to have to release SOMEONE to do it."
Boss "Well, I suppose there is ONE person that I can release for two days."
That one person was Steph, our Admin girl. Who happens to be black. Who then got the course co-ordinator a bollocking for her racist attitude. The event went something like this:
Course Co-ordinator: "Now then, how would you like to be addressed? do you want me to call you Black British, British Of Afro-Caribean Heritage, British Ethnic, or something else?"
Steph: "I'd like you to call me Steph actually, because that's my name. See, it's even on this stupid nametag that you made me wear. And the only people I've ever heard using the words British Ethnic are those BNP idiots, you're not one of their members are you?"
This was what we were told after she got back a day early, and it earned her a standing ovation and a cake from the sandwich van that lunchtime.
I miss Steph, she was good fun to work with.
(Sun 18th Mar 2012, 13:21, More)
Not me but a former colleague.
As an equal opportunity employer my managment implemented a mandatory course on "Equality And Diversity In The Workplace".
Now, the office that I was working in at the time was due to close so we were seriously short-staffed as people got moved to other postings. By short-staffed I mean that nearly everyone left was working 70 hour weeks as standard, good overtime when you're only rostered for 42 hours a week, but no real time off to enjoy it. The manager was on the forecasting bench full-time too, so he wasn't best pleased when he took a call from HR at our headquarters complaining that none of us had signed up for this course.
HR: "Look, this course is mandatory, but not ONE member of your staff has come forward to sign up for it."
Boss: "That'll be because none of the poor sods is getting more than one day off a week, how do you expect us to fill the roster here AND release staff for a 2 day talking-shop?"
HR: "Well you're going to have to release SOMEONE to do it."
Boss "Well, I suppose there is ONE person that I can release for two days."
That one person was Steph, our Admin girl. Who happens to be black. Who then got the course co-ordinator a bollocking for her racist attitude. The event went something like this:
Course Co-ordinator: "Now then, how would you like to be addressed? do you want me to call you Black British, British Of Afro-Caribean Heritage, British Ethnic, or something else?"
Steph: "I'd like you to call me Steph actually, because that's my name. See, it's even on this stupid nametag that you made me wear. And the only people I've ever heard using the words British Ethnic are those BNP idiots, you're not one of their members are you?"
This was what we were told after she got back a day early, and it earned her a standing ovation and a cake from the sandwich van that lunchtime.
I miss Steph, she was good fun to work with.
(Sun 18th Mar 2012, 13:21, More)
» Airport Stories
Back a few years
The Falklands used to be seen as a nightmare posting by the military types. Now not so much as there's plenty of far worse places they could get sent to.
Just setting the scene, in any of the many bars there'd be one or two women and about a hundred blokes. Female personnel liked getting posted to MPA cos they KNEW they'd get sex.
Now for the real bit. Coming back from MPA to Brize Norton on the Tristar a loadie with only 3 days left in the RAF got on the tannoy.
and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, On behalf of the captain and crew thank you for flying RAF Tristar today. We will soon be arriving at RAF Brize Norton. Please keep your seatbelts on until the aircraft has come to a complete stop.
Oh, and ladies, you are now all officially ugly again."
Genius
Length, girth? Dunno, but the guy had balls.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 16:06, More)
Back a few years
The Falklands used to be seen as a nightmare posting by the military types. Now not so much as there's plenty of far worse places they could get sent to.
Just setting the scene, in any of the many bars there'd be one or two women and about a hundred blokes. Female personnel liked getting posted to MPA cos they KNEW they'd get sex.
Now for the real bit. Coming back from MPA to Brize Norton on the Tristar a loadie with only 3 days left in the RAF got on the tannoy.
and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, On behalf of the captain and crew thank you for flying RAF Tristar today. We will soon be arriving at RAF Brize Norton. Please keep your seatbelts on until the aircraft has come to a complete stop.
Oh, and ladies, you are now all officially ugly again."
Genius
Length, girth? Dunno, but the guy had balls.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 16:06, More)
» Scary Neighbours
I was the scary neighbour, but not really.
A few years back I was renting a flat in a Northern City, My job gets me moving on a regular basis and I knew in advance that I'd only be there for a year.
The woman living in the flat above must have been a "care in the community" type. During the course of the year I was visited by council health inspectors 3 times and the police 5 times. All as results of complaints this retard had made up about me.
According to her I had:
Deliberately run her dog over: I don't even drive.
Had rubbish bags stacked to the ceiling in every room: checked three times by the health inspectors. You'd think that the second time they came round would have convinced them that she was full of shit.
Played music at top volume late at night constantly: I work shifts. On the last occasion that the police came round It was 8 in the morning and I was just getting back to my flat after a night shift. As I said to the copper "If she could hear my radio playing from my office on the other side of the city she must have fucking awesome hearing, and seeing as how you've SEEN me coming and also that there was NO noise from the flat when you knocked, what are the chances?".
She then took to wandering outside at night in a dressing gown staring through my kitchen window.
Mad bitch.
No apologies.
(Tue 30th Aug 2005, 16:45, More)
I was the scary neighbour, but not really.
A few years back I was renting a flat in a Northern City, My job gets me moving on a regular basis and I knew in advance that I'd only be there for a year.
The woman living in the flat above must have been a "care in the community" type. During the course of the year I was visited by council health inspectors 3 times and the police 5 times. All as results of complaints this retard had made up about me.
According to her I had:
Deliberately run her dog over: I don't even drive.
Had rubbish bags stacked to the ceiling in every room: checked three times by the health inspectors. You'd think that the second time they came round would have convinced them that she was full of shit.
Played music at top volume late at night constantly: I work shifts. On the last occasion that the police came round It was 8 in the morning and I was just getting back to my flat after a night shift. As I said to the copper "If she could hear my radio playing from my office on the other side of the city she must have fucking awesome hearing, and seeing as how you've SEEN me coming and also that there was NO noise from the flat when you knocked, what are the chances?".
She then took to wandering outside at night in a dressing gown staring through my kitchen window.
Mad bitch.
No apologies.
(Tue 30th Aug 2005, 16:45, More)
» Overcoming adversity
nameless let rip with an earthshaking splatterfart bellowing his challenge like a bull elephant seal.
Gonzo looked up from examining the droplets of baby oil glistening on his chest hairs and responded with a resounding splatterfart of his own, his Pringles tin acting like an echo chamber. The soundwave caused some of the lime jelly to spill out of the paddling pool.
Nameless began to oil himself up in preparation for the fight to come. He'd been rehearsing this fight in his mind, and what was left of his intestines for weeks now, loading himself up with spicy curries washed down with fizzy pop. He was sure that Pringles tin or no Pringles tin, Gonzo would end this day defeated.
Gonzo waited patiently. To him this was just another challenge, and he had never lost one yet. Still in his prime, he wasn't about to relinquish his hold on the remote with the Hollyoaks Omnibus about to start in ten minutes. The Chinese Food was already ordered and he had his pick from his b3ta harem to hold hands with, all he needed to do was send nameless packing with his carrier bag between his legs in shame.
To Be Continued...
(Wed 19th Dec 2012, 12:38, More)
nameless let rip with an earthshaking splatterfart bellowing his challenge like a bull elephant seal.
Gonzo looked up from examining the droplets of baby oil glistening on his chest hairs and responded with a resounding splatterfart of his own, his Pringles tin acting like an echo chamber. The soundwave caused some of the lime jelly to spill out of the paddling pool.
Nameless began to oil himself up in preparation for the fight to come. He'd been rehearsing this fight in his mind, and what was left of his intestines for weeks now, loading himself up with spicy curries washed down with fizzy pop. He was sure that Pringles tin or no Pringles tin, Gonzo would end this day defeated.
Gonzo waited patiently. To him this was just another challenge, and he had never lost one yet. Still in his prime, he wasn't about to relinquish his hold on the remote with the Hollyoaks Omnibus about to start in ten minutes. The Chinese Food was already ordered and he had his pick from his b3ta harem to hold hands with, all he needed to do was send nameless packing with his carrier bag between his legs in shame.
To Be Continued...
(Wed 19th Dec 2012, 12:38, More)