Profile for stuj:
Name: Stuj.
Age: 40. Fuck, I'm ANCIENT.
Nationality: Welsh.
Occupation: Weatherman. No, not on the telly. No, not on the radio either. Look I just get paid to look out of the window and tell people it's raining alright?
I'm BACK on a bunch of rocks at the arse end of the South Atlantic! WOO HOO!
I'm one of the few members of the /talk I love Ding-a-ling fell for a ding-a-ling club.
Well, I was until she bit me. And told me to fuck off. And that I was a fucking idiot. And that if she was my girlfriend she'd cheat on me. And that she's not prepared to wait for me any longer. And that I'm simply fucking too annoying. So now I'm going to kidnap and torture her until she loves me again. It's a foolproof plan.
And there's nothing to stop me continuing my reign as the High Priest of The Church Of Ding. And Keeper Of The Holy Golden Bum Of Ding.
Current other members:
Scott: Chief Acolyte. Excommunicated.
Broadsword: Head of The Incoherent Inquisition.
Kersal Missive: Head of The Vestigal Virgins.
MooCow Byter: Bishop.Excommunicated for meat heresy.
Druid: Minister.
Monk3yspunkmop3d: Vicar.
90Nz0: Chief Scribe.
spacefish: Vicar.
Noit: Vicar.
Cap'n Tallbeard: Vicar.
Theoban: Archbishop.
Spider Riviera: Bishop. Keeper Of The Prawn Crackers.
BatDyke: Mother Superior.
Kristine: Dominatrix
GrandmaOfShoes: Head Choirboy.
Lightguy: Vicar.
21st September is Axolotl Day.
I like to cage Lurkers until they become proper /talkers: posting bollocks and obsessed with lunch. It's for their own good you know.
I'm also the proud inventor of Naked T-shirt Ninja Time. If you know what that is you're on /talk much too late. Get some sleep.
Unless you're my work experience sidekick postal ninja, in which case, MORE WORK ON YOUR SMOKE BOMB TECHNIQUE GRASSHOPPER!
The WHOLLY AWESOME wynoh did write me this:
stuj, on his isle
Got up with a smile
And greeted the bright light of day
His penguin fixation
Filled him with elation
And caused him to pause, and to say:
"I'll post on the /talk board,
Dismiss posts from retards,
and then, at the end of the day,
I'll be happy, contented,
And fully augmented
To plunge straight back into the fray".
:D
I make aeroplane noises while wanking.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
[read all their answers]
- a member for 4 years, 4 months and 12 days
- has posted 178 messages on the main board
- has posted 39493 messages on the talk board
- has posted 2 messages on the links board
- has posted 38 stories and 34 replies on question of the week
- They liked 940 pictures, 1 links, 977 talk posts, and 82 qotw answers.
- Ignore this user
- Add this user as a friend
- send me a message
Name: Stuj.
Age: 40. Fuck, I'm ANCIENT.
Nationality: Welsh.
Occupation: Weatherman. No, not on the telly. No, not on the radio either. Look I just get paid to look out of the window and tell people it's raining alright?
I'm BACK on a bunch of rocks at the arse end of the South Atlantic! WOO HOO!
I'm one of the few members of the /talk I love Ding-a-ling fell for a ding-a-ling club.
Well, I was until she bit me. And told me to fuck off. And that I was a fucking idiot. And that if she was my girlfriend she'd cheat on me. And that she's not prepared to wait for me any longer. And that I'm simply fucking too annoying. So now I'm going to kidnap and torture her until she loves me again. It's a foolproof plan.
And there's nothing to stop me continuing my reign as the High Priest of The Church Of Ding. And Keeper Of The Holy Golden Bum Of Ding.
Current other members:
Broadsword: Head of The Incoherent Inquisition.
Kersal Missive: Head of The Vestigal Virgins.
Druid: Minister.
Monk3yspunkmop3d: Vicar.
90Nz0: Chief Scribe.
spacefish: Vicar.
Noit: Vicar.
Cap'n Tallbeard: Vicar.
Theoban: Archbishop.
Spider Riviera: Bishop. Keeper Of The Prawn Crackers.
BatDyke: Mother Superior.
Kristine: Dominatrix
GrandmaOfShoes: Head Choirboy.
Lightguy: Vicar.
21st September is Axolotl Day.
I like to cage Lurkers until they become proper /talkers: posting bollocks and obsessed with lunch. It's for their own good you know.
I'm also the proud inventor of Naked T-shirt Ninja Time. If you know what that is you're on /talk much too late. Get some sleep.
Unless you're my work experience sidekick postal ninja, in which case, MORE WORK ON YOUR SMOKE BOMB TECHNIQUE GRASSHOPPER!
The WHOLLY AWESOME wynoh did write me this:
stuj, on his isle
Got up with a smile
And greeted the bright light of day
His penguin fixation
Filled him with elation
And caused him to pause, and to say:
"I'll post on the /talk board,
Dismiss posts from retards,
and then, at the end of the day,
I'll be happy, contented,
And fully augmented
To plunge straight back into the fray".
:D
I make aeroplane noises while wanking.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Airport Stories
Back a few years
The Falklands used to be seen as a nightmare posting by the military types. Now not so much as there's plenty of far worse places they could get sent to.
Just setting the scene, in any of the many bars there'd be one or two women and about a hundred blokes. Female personnel liked getting posted to MPA cos they KNEW they'd get sex.
Now for the real bit. Coming back from MPA to Brize Norton on the Tristar a loadie with only 3 days left in the RAF got on the tannoy.
and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, On behalf of the captain and crew thank you for flying RAF Tristar today. We will soon be arriving at RAF Brize Norton. Please keep your seatbelts on until the aircraft has come to a complete stop.
Oh, and ladies, you are now all officially ugly again."
Genius
Length, girth? Dunno, but the guy had balls.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 16:06, More)
Back a few years
The Falklands used to be seen as a nightmare posting by the military types. Now not so much as there's plenty of far worse places they could get sent to.
Just setting the scene, in any of the many bars there'd be one or two women and about a hundred blokes. Female personnel liked getting posted to MPA cos they KNEW they'd get sex.
Now for the real bit. Coming back from MPA to Brize Norton on the Tristar a loadie with only 3 days left in the RAF got on the tannoy.
and made the following announcement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, On behalf of the captain and crew thank you for flying RAF Tristar today. We will soon be arriving at RAF Brize Norton. Please keep your seatbelts on until the aircraft has come to a complete stop.
Oh, and ladies, you are now all officially ugly again."
Genius
Length, girth? Dunno, but the guy had balls.
(Fri 3rd Mar 2006, 16:06, More)
» Scary Neighbours
I was the scary neighbour, but not really.
A few years back I was renting a flat in a Northern City, My job gets me moving on a regular basis and I knew in advance that I'd only be there for a year.
The woman living in the flat above must have been a "care in the community" type. During the course of the year I was visited by council health inspectors 3 times and the police 5 times. All as results of complaints this retard had made up about me.
According to her I had:
Deliberately run her dog over: I don't even drive.
Had rubbish bags stacked to the ceiling in every room: checked three times by the health inspectors. You'd think that the second time they came round would have convinced them that she was full of shit.
Played music at top volume late at night constantly: I work shifts. On the last occasion that the police came round It was 8 in the morning and I was just getting back to my flat after a night shift. As I said to the copper "If she could hear my radio playing from my office on the other side of the city she must have fucking awesome hearing, and seeing as how you've SEEN me coming and also that there was NO noise from the flat when you knocked, what are the chances?".
She then took to wandering outside at night in a dressing gown staring through my kitchen window.
Mad bitch.
No apologies.
(Tue 30th Aug 2005, 16:45, More)
I was the scary neighbour, but not really.
A few years back I was renting a flat in a Northern City, My job gets me moving on a regular basis and I knew in advance that I'd only be there for a year.
The woman living in the flat above must have been a "care in the community" type. During the course of the year I was visited by council health inspectors 3 times and the police 5 times. All as results of complaints this retard had made up about me.
According to her I had:
Deliberately run her dog over: I don't even drive.
Had rubbish bags stacked to the ceiling in every room: checked three times by the health inspectors. You'd think that the second time they came round would have convinced them that she was full of shit.
Played music at top volume late at night constantly: I work shifts. On the last occasion that the police came round It was 8 in the morning and I was just getting back to my flat after a night shift. As I said to the copper "If she could hear my radio playing from my office on the other side of the city she must have fucking awesome hearing, and seeing as how you've SEEN me coming and also that there was NO noise from the flat when you knocked, what are the chances?".
She then took to wandering outside at night in a dressing gown staring through my kitchen window.
Mad bitch.
No apologies.
(Tue 30th Aug 2005, 16:45, More)
» Awesome Sickies
A co-worker was caught wanking on his plane home.
In his seat.
In first class.
After being arrested at Brize Norton, interviewed and released on bail, he went home.
And stayed there, claiming sickness due to stress.
For six months.
Now that's what I call throwing a sickie.
(Sun 11th Jun 2006, 7:09, More)
A co-worker was caught wanking on his plane home.
In his seat.
In first class.
After being arrested at Brize Norton, interviewed and released on bail, he went home.
And stayed there, claiming sickness due to stress.
For six months.
Now that's what I call throwing a sickie.
(Sun 11th Jun 2006, 7:09, More)
» The Boss
I've had quite a few cunt bosses.
Here's an example of the last one's shitheadedness, he's been my boss more than once.
CuntBoss "What visibility are you giving?"
Me "100km."
CB "Bollocks. There is no way you can see 100km from here."
Me "Bollocks? Go down to the road and look West. The peaks you can see in the distance are the Hornby Mountains. They're 120km away. They look a bit hazy so I'm calling it 100km"
CB "I don't believe you."
Me "You want to do my job, be my fucking guest. You asked what the vis was, I told you."
CB "I still say you can't see that fucking far from here, because of the curvature of the earth.
Forecasting Bloke "Then you're a fucking moron. we're not at sea level, we're 200 feet above it and the peaks are a good deal higher than us."
Cunt "But they're not that far away."
Sweary Dan "See this map? Here's us. There's the Hornby range. Look at the fucking distance shit for brains. 120km just like stuj said."
(Fri 19th Jun 2009, 15:45, More)
I've had quite a few cunt bosses.
Here's an example of the last one's shitheadedness, he's been my boss more than once.
CuntBoss "What visibility are you giving?"
Me "100km."
CB "Bollocks. There is no way you can see 100km from here."
Me "Bollocks? Go down to the road and look West. The peaks you can see in the distance are the Hornby Mountains. They're 120km away. They look a bit hazy so I'm calling it 100km"
CB "I don't believe you."
Me "You want to do my job, be my fucking guest. You asked what the vis was, I told you."
CB "I still say you can't see that fucking far from here, because of the curvature of the earth.
Forecasting Bloke "Then you're a fucking moron. we're not at sea level, we're 200 feet above it and the peaks are a good deal higher than us."
Cunt "But they're not that far away."
Sweary Dan "See this map? Here's us. There's the Hornby range. Look at the fucking distance shit for brains. 120km just like stuj said."
(Fri 19th Jun 2009, 15:45, More)