» My computer gave away my secrets

The Bank Statement of Revelations, Ch 6
And so it came to pass that Plyck worked in an Internet Café
And he did aid those in need of assistance, for they were many.
One morning an aged couple came to him and said:
"Lo! Here is our bank statement, and we are sorely vexed
For there are payments hereupon which we do not recognise
And there is naught but a web address as a reference
Canst thou enlighten us?"
And Plyck entered the web address into the address box
And subscription-only porn did appear upon the monitor
And the couple sayeth:
"All is now made clear to us.
Our own beloved son useth the Internet and clearly hast borrowed our credit card without permission"
And lo, the son was 47 and still lived with his parents.
(Mon 13th Feb 2006, 13:33, More)

» Ignoring Instructions

DO NOT read this post
DO NOT post a message about reading this post
DO NOT title your post "DO NOT read this post" and include a copy of these instructions, thus creating a viral meme thingy
DO NOT allow this message to remind you of 'The Game' like it reminded me of 'The Game'
DO NOT Lose 'The Game' like I just did
DO NOT click 'I Like This!'
(Sat 6th May 2006, 21:39, More)

» Accidentally Erotic

Reassuring Hugs of Embarrasment
For some reason, whenever I give a female person in distress a comforting hug, I always get the horn. I don't know whether it's the touching or their vulnerability, but I've mastered the art of hugging with only the top half of my body so as not to accidentally prod them.
It's like my heart is saying 'is there anything I can do to make you feel better' and my libido is raising its 'hand' to make a suggestion.
(Mon 6th Feb 2006, 12:33, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

So pathetic, yet still a source of shame
When I was just a kid I cheated on school sports day in the egg-and-spoon race... but I had my reasons.

You see, we'd had a practice race the week before. The scool budget not stetching to a couple of dozen eggs, we'd all been given egg-sized lumps of plasticine to run with. Everyone (except me) immediatly pressed their lump into the spoon, sticking it in place, and belted down the track. I wobbled along behind carefully balancing my 'egg'. I finished last, angry and tearful at the unsportsmanlike behaviour of my classmates. I think I even complained to the teacher.

Come the day of the race, again there were no eggs, but there was no plasticine either. Instead we were given small potatoes! No sticking the 'egg' to the spoon this time, or so everyone thought. The first time my starchy load hit to the grass I was struck by a sneaky idea. Picking up the spud, I jammed the end of the spoon into it, just a few millimetres under the skin so at a distance it would look like I was carrying it, and with a wobbly sprint and many elaborate 'whoops I almost lost it that time!' arm movements I crossed the line first, scored a point for my house and took the potato as a 'souvenir' so it couldn't be inspected.

No apologies for the size of my potatoes or the length of my spoon.
(Fri 18th Nov 2005, 14:04, More)

» My computer gave away my secrets

Respect & trust are the basis of a happy relationship
When we moved in together, my girlfriend asked me to promise that I would never again look at naked women on the Internet, and so I promised.
.
.
.
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A ball gag counts as clothing, right?


EDIT: Original Punchline was "Thank God for shemales!"
(Tue 14th Feb 2006, 13:56, More)