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Dear Daily Mail,buzzfeed et al
Here are the legal conditions of using my images. In short, they can be used, but not for any commercial purposes. If you do want to use my images for any other reason than this, you can gaz me
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
» Conspiracy theory nutters
Wes and the Vegas laundrette
Laundry in Vegas is tricky because all the hotels want to charge you $3 to wash a pair of socks and so do all they can to allow laundromats to flourish. Our plan was to visit an outlet mall out of town and on the way drop off our washing. In a hugely seedy neighbourhood after walking around with big neon signs saying 'Lost tourists please rob us' we finally found our laundromat.
The owner was on duty - a big friendly black man called Wes who said he would take care of everything for us for a total of $2.75 and we could come back at six pm to collect. He even took us outside to show us how to get back to the laundrette. Being from Scotland I was instantly suspicious of why he was being so damn nice. I asked for some kind of receipt for the clothes but he didnt have anything but said everything would be ok. I left the shop with my rip-of radar still beeping away loudly. We got a taxi to an outlet mall and all the way there I was kicking myself and running through all the scenarios of how Wes was going to rip us off - steal our clothes, arrange for us to be mugged at 6pm, charge extra when we got back etc etc etc.
Our shopping trip over we had to come up with a plan to ensure our safety when visiting Wes's laundromat now that it was dark. The missus had all her jewellery on, loads of shopping and I was not keen that she came with me to pick up the laundry. I decided to leave her with all her valuables (and mine) at the Stratosphere Casino and walk the half an hour to the laundromat. I set off in the dark, crapping myself but made it to the door, which was locked. 'Oh here we go i thought. But from behind the counter popped Wes and he opened up the shop.
'You're early' he said.
'I always try to be' I replied light-heartedly, hiding my true intention to avoid the mass ranks of muggers he had probably lined up for my return at 6pm.
'You look cold.' said Wes
"I am alright, I'm from Scotland' I said, fulfilling a stereotype.
To my surprise Wes pulled out a little heater plugged it in and said 'Warm yourself up with this while I finish folding your clothes.'
I was humbled. All the time I had him down as a conman but really he was just scraping a living and being a lovely human being. I felt ashamed at the malice I had felt towards him.
'So you're from Scotland?' said Wes as he folded my boxers. 'I visit there often'
'Really?' I sounded surprised because I figured that he wouldnt be able to afford many trans-atlantic trips if he was only charging $2 per wash. ' Where abouts do you visit?'
'Oh all over' he said.
It was with his very next sentence I realised why Wes was being so nice.
'But I tend to only visit during the time of King James'
Wes was so nice because he was certifiably insane. Batshiat insane.
What followed (whilst my jaw continued to descend to the floor) was a tale so intricate and bizarre that I have trouble retelling it but basically Wes is part of a 'bird-tribe' of 3 men called talismen who use timepieces to travel through time and influence religion. They are waiting for a sign from Ugly Betty star (Amerika Ferrera) to re establish the Portugese Black Royal family and bring the true DaVinci Codes to the world. Wes exists on the Belarus-Minerva timeline and his interest in King James is because he edited a lot of stuff out of the bible that confirms his story. The two other Talismen are musicians and Wes is supposed to be learning the bagpipes to blend in. All the secrets to this can be gleaned from the film 'Flight of The Condor' starring Robert Redford where if you look closely it isn't seven people that died but 49. Apparently that is important.
I am not making this up. In fact this is an edited down linear version. Wes was slightly more erratic in his story telling.
He folded our laundry beautifully and showed me to the door. I gave him $5 for his trouble and as I left he told me to watch out for his grandmother who belonged to the 'Femme nikita' tribe and was a trained assasin but he would watch over me when he goes back to Scotland.'
I made the half hour walk back to the casino in about 5 minutes and breathlessly tried to retell the story to the other half. It didnt make sense when I told it either.
Something else that didn't make sense was all the effort to save a bit of cash by going to a launderette was entirely in vain, as the missus spent a fortune on the slots whilst I was away. Cest la vie.
(No apologies for length, girth or early finish)
(Sat 29th Aug 2009, 19:51, More)
Wes and the Vegas laundrette
Laundry in Vegas is tricky because all the hotels want to charge you $3 to wash a pair of socks and so do all they can to allow laundromats to flourish. Our plan was to visit an outlet mall out of town and on the way drop off our washing. In a hugely seedy neighbourhood after walking around with big neon signs saying 'Lost tourists please rob us' we finally found our laundromat.
The owner was on duty - a big friendly black man called Wes who said he would take care of everything for us for a total of $2.75 and we could come back at six pm to collect. He even took us outside to show us how to get back to the laundrette. Being from Scotland I was instantly suspicious of why he was being so damn nice. I asked for some kind of receipt for the clothes but he didnt have anything but said everything would be ok. I left the shop with my rip-of radar still beeping away loudly. We got a taxi to an outlet mall and all the way there I was kicking myself and running through all the scenarios of how Wes was going to rip us off - steal our clothes, arrange for us to be mugged at 6pm, charge extra when we got back etc etc etc.
Our shopping trip over we had to come up with a plan to ensure our safety when visiting Wes's laundromat now that it was dark. The missus had all her jewellery on, loads of shopping and I was not keen that she came with me to pick up the laundry. I decided to leave her with all her valuables (and mine) at the Stratosphere Casino and walk the half an hour to the laundromat. I set off in the dark, crapping myself but made it to the door, which was locked. 'Oh here we go i thought. But from behind the counter popped Wes and he opened up the shop.
'You're early' he said.
'I always try to be' I replied light-heartedly, hiding my true intention to avoid the mass ranks of muggers he had probably lined up for my return at 6pm.
'You look cold.' said Wes
"I am alright, I'm from Scotland' I said, fulfilling a stereotype.
To my surprise Wes pulled out a little heater plugged it in and said 'Warm yourself up with this while I finish folding your clothes.'
I was humbled. All the time I had him down as a conman but really he was just scraping a living and being a lovely human being. I felt ashamed at the malice I had felt towards him.
'So you're from Scotland?' said Wes as he folded my boxers. 'I visit there often'
'Really?' I sounded surprised because I figured that he wouldnt be able to afford many trans-atlantic trips if he was only charging $2 per wash. ' Where abouts do you visit?'
'Oh all over' he said.
It was with his very next sentence I realised why Wes was being so nice.
'But I tend to only visit during the time of King James'
Wes was so nice because he was certifiably insane. Batshiat insane.
What followed (whilst my jaw continued to descend to the floor) was a tale so intricate and bizarre that I have trouble retelling it but basically Wes is part of a 'bird-tribe' of 3 men called talismen who use timepieces to travel through time and influence religion. They are waiting for a sign from Ugly Betty star (Amerika Ferrera) to re establish the Portugese Black Royal family and bring the true DaVinci Codes to the world. Wes exists on the Belarus-Minerva timeline and his interest in King James is because he edited a lot of stuff out of the bible that confirms his story. The two other Talismen are musicians and Wes is supposed to be learning the bagpipes to blend in. All the secrets to this can be gleaned from the film 'Flight of The Condor' starring Robert Redford where if you look closely it isn't seven people that died but 49. Apparently that is important.
I am not making this up. In fact this is an edited down linear version. Wes was slightly more erratic in his story telling.
He folded our laundry beautifully and showed me to the door. I gave him $5 for his trouble and as I left he told me to watch out for his grandmother who belonged to the 'Femme nikita' tribe and was a trained assasin but he would watch over me when he goes back to Scotland.'
I made the half hour walk back to the casino in about 5 minutes and breathlessly tried to retell the story to the other half. It didnt make sense when I told it either.
Something else that didn't make sense was all the effort to save a bit of cash by going to a launderette was entirely in vain, as the missus spent a fortune on the slots whilst I was away. Cest la vie.
(No apologies for length, girth or early finish)
(Sat 29th Aug 2009, 19:51, More)
» Encounters with Royalty
Havent met any as such
but have listened in to a lot of their phonecalls
(Tue 8th Aug 2006, 22:11, More)
Havent met any as such
but have listened in to a lot of their phonecalls
(Tue 8th Aug 2006, 22:11, More)
» Bastard Colleagues
Lame middle Manager
My Appraisal:
Him: 'I see you put down 10 for Quark skills'
Me: 'Yes'
Him: 'You can't put down a ten, you have to put a nine'
Me: 'So what do I have to work on to get a ten'
Him: ' Well..nothing..'
Me: ' So if I can't improve any more then surely that's a ten'
Him: ' But we can't give tens'
Me: ' I am the fastest most accurate operator here by your own figures. I know the app inside out and train your new starts on it. What do you want me to learn?'
Him" It's not that..we just can't give tens out on appraisals as you then have nothing to work towards.'
me:' So what do I need to work on'
continues ad infinitum.
Familiar?
(Fri 25th Jan 2008, 13:38, More)
Lame middle Manager
My Appraisal:
Him: 'I see you put down 10 for Quark skills'
Me: 'Yes'
Him: 'You can't put down a ten, you have to put a nine'
Me: 'So what do I have to work on to get a ten'
Him: ' Well..nothing..'
Me: ' So if I can't improve any more then surely that's a ten'
Him: ' But we can't give tens'
Me: ' I am the fastest most accurate operator here by your own figures. I know the app inside out and train your new starts on it. What do you want me to learn?'
Him" It's not that..we just can't give tens out on appraisals as you then have nothing to work towards.'
me:' So what do I need to work on'
continues ad infinitum.
Familiar?
(Fri 25th Jan 2008, 13:38, More)
» Urban Legends
you may find this shocking but...
one of the ways local newspapers beef up circulation in certain distribution areas is to have sightings of 'beasts'. Black beasts, cat-like beasts, big-cats whatever they call them, they co-incidentally make an appearance in times and locations suffering low sales (i.e. Jan/Feb in rural areas). You would be amazed how many people buy a paper when there may be a beast in their backyard.
The reason i know this was that i once had to 'enhance' a picture to 'highlight' one of these beasts whilst working on a local paper. To my shame i have since seen this picture repeated in reputable journals as 'clear evidence' of urban big-cats. I am a bad bad man.
(Thu 5th Jan 2006, 19:27, More)
you may find this shocking but...
one of the ways local newspapers beef up circulation in certain distribution areas is to have sightings of 'beasts'. Black beasts, cat-like beasts, big-cats whatever they call them, they co-incidentally make an appearance in times and locations suffering low sales (i.e. Jan/Feb in rural areas). You would be amazed how many people buy a paper when there may be a beast in their backyard.
The reason i know this was that i once had to 'enhance' a picture to 'highlight' one of these beasts whilst working on a local paper. To my shame i have since seen this picture repeated in reputable journals as 'clear evidence' of urban big-cats. I am a bad bad man.
(Thu 5th Jan 2006, 19:27, More)
» World of Random
Posted this before..but
but it wasn't relevant at the time:
Wes and the Vegas laundrette
Laundry in Vegas is tricky because all the hotels want to charge you $3 to wash a pair of socks and so do all they can to allow laundromats to flourish. Our plan was to visit an outlet mall out of town and on the way drop off our washing. In a hugely seedy neighbourhood after walking around with big neon signs saying 'Lost tourists please rob us' we finally found our laundromat.
The owner was on duty - a big friendly black man called Wes who said he would take care of everything for us for a total of $2.75 and we could come back at six pm to collect. He even took us outside to show us how to get back to the laundrette. Being from Scotland I was instantly suspicious of why he was being so damn nice. I asked for some kind of receipt for the clothes but he didnt have anything but said everything would be ok. I left the shop with my rip-of radar still beeping away loudly. We got a taxi to an outlet mall and all the way there I was kicking myself and running through all the scenarios of how Wes was going to rip us off - steal our clothes, arrange for us to be mugged at 6pm, charge extra when we got back etc etc etc.
Our shopping trip over we had to come up with a plan to ensure our safety when visiting Wes's laundromat now that it was dark. The missus had all her jewellery on, loads of shopping and I was not keen that she came with me to pick up the laundry. I decided to leave her with all her valuables (and mine) at the Stratosphere Casino and walk the half an hour to the laundromat. I set off in the dark, crapping myself but made it to the door, which was locked. 'Oh here we go i thought. But from behind the counter popped Wes and he opened up the shop.
'You're early' he said.
'I always try to be' I replied light-heartedly, hiding my true intention to avoid the mass ranks of muggers he had probably lined up for my return at 6pm.
'You look cold.' said Wes
"I am alright, I'm from Scotland' I said, fulfilling a stereotype.
To my surprise Wes pulled out a little heater plugged it in and said 'Warm yourself up with this while I finish folding your clothes.'
I was humbled. All the time I had him down as a conman but really he was just scraping a living and being a lovely human being. I felt ashamed at the malice I had felt towards him.
'So you're from Scotland?' said Wes as he folded my boxers. 'I visit there often'
'Really?' I sounded surprised because I figured that he wouldnt be able to afford many trans-atlantic trips if he was only charging $2 per wash. ' Where abouts do you visit?'
'Oh all over' he said.
It was with his very next sentence I realised why Wes was being so nice.
'But I tend to only visit during the time of King James'
Wes was so nice because he was certifiably insane. Batshiat insane.
What followed (whilst my jaw continued to descend to the floor) was a tale so intricate and bizarre that I have trouble retelling it but basically Wes is part of a 'bird-tribe' of 3 men called talismen who use timepieces to travel through time and influence religion. They are waiting for a sign from Ugly Betty star (Amerika Ferrera) to re establish the Portugese Black Royal family and bring the true DaVinci Codes to the world. Wes exists on the Belarus-Minerva timeline and his interest in King James is because he edited a lot of stuff out of the bible that confirms his story. The two other Talismen are musicians and Wes is supposed to be learning the bagpipes to blend in. All the secrets to this can be gleaned from the film 'Flight of The Condor' starring Robert Redford where if you look closely it isn't seven people that died but 49. Apparently that is important.
I am not making this up. In fact this is an edited down linear version. Wes was slightly more erratic in his story telling.
He folded our laundry beautifully and showed me to the door. I gave him $5 for his trouble and as I left he told me to watch out for his grandmother who belonged to the 'Femme nikita' tribe and was a trained assasin but he would watch over me when he goes back to Scotland.'
I made the half hour walk back to the casino in about 5 minutes and breathlessly tried to retell the story to the other half. It didnt make sense when I told it either.
Something else that didn't make sense was all the effort to save a bit of cash by going to a launderette was entirely in vain, as the missus spent a fortune on the slots whilst I was away. Cest la vie.
(No apologies for length, girth or early finish)
(Tue 26th Apr 2011, 10:37, More)
Posted this before..but
but it wasn't relevant at the time:
Wes and the Vegas laundrette
Laundry in Vegas is tricky because all the hotels want to charge you $3 to wash a pair of socks and so do all they can to allow laundromats to flourish. Our plan was to visit an outlet mall out of town and on the way drop off our washing. In a hugely seedy neighbourhood after walking around with big neon signs saying 'Lost tourists please rob us' we finally found our laundromat.
The owner was on duty - a big friendly black man called Wes who said he would take care of everything for us for a total of $2.75 and we could come back at six pm to collect. He even took us outside to show us how to get back to the laundrette. Being from Scotland I was instantly suspicious of why he was being so damn nice. I asked for some kind of receipt for the clothes but he didnt have anything but said everything would be ok. I left the shop with my rip-of radar still beeping away loudly. We got a taxi to an outlet mall and all the way there I was kicking myself and running through all the scenarios of how Wes was going to rip us off - steal our clothes, arrange for us to be mugged at 6pm, charge extra when we got back etc etc etc.
Our shopping trip over we had to come up with a plan to ensure our safety when visiting Wes's laundromat now that it was dark. The missus had all her jewellery on, loads of shopping and I was not keen that she came with me to pick up the laundry. I decided to leave her with all her valuables (and mine) at the Stratosphere Casino and walk the half an hour to the laundromat. I set off in the dark, crapping myself but made it to the door, which was locked. 'Oh here we go i thought. But from behind the counter popped Wes and he opened up the shop.
'You're early' he said.
'I always try to be' I replied light-heartedly, hiding my true intention to avoid the mass ranks of muggers he had probably lined up for my return at 6pm.
'You look cold.' said Wes
"I am alright, I'm from Scotland' I said, fulfilling a stereotype.
To my surprise Wes pulled out a little heater plugged it in and said 'Warm yourself up with this while I finish folding your clothes.'
I was humbled. All the time I had him down as a conman but really he was just scraping a living and being a lovely human being. I felt ashamed at the malice I had felt towards him.
'So you're from Scotland?' said Wes as he folded my boxers. 'I visit there often'
'Really?' I sounded surprised because I figured that he wouldnt be able to afford many trans-atlantic trips if he was only charging $2 per wash. ' Where abouts do you visit?'
'Oh all over' he said.
It was with his very next sentence I realised why Wes was being so nice.
'But I tend to only visit during the time of King James'
Wes was so nice because he was certifiably insane. Batshiat insane.
What followed (whilst my jaw continued to descend to the floor) was a tale so intricate and bizarre that I have trouble retelling it but basically Wes is part of a 'bird-tribe' of 3 men called talismen who use timepieces to travel through time and influence religion. They are waiting for a sign from Ugly Betty star (Amerika Ferrera) to re establish the Portugese Black Royal family and bring the true DaVinci Codes to the world. Wes exists on the Belarus-Minerva timeline and his interest in King James is because he edited a lot of stuff out of the bible that confirms his story. The two other Talismen are musicians and Wes is supposed to be learning the bagpipes to blend in. All the secrets to this can be gleaned from the film 'Flight of The Condor' starring Robert Redford where if you look closely it isn't seven people that died but 49. Apparently that is important.
I am not making this up. In fact this is an edited down linear version. Wes was slightly more erratic in his story telling.
He folded our laundry beautifully and showed me to the door. I gave him $5 for his trouble and as I left he told me to watch out for his grandmother who belonged to the 'Femme nikita' tribe and was a trained assasin but he would watch over me when he goes back to Scotland.'
I made the half hour walk back to the casino in about 5 minutes and breathlessly tried to retell the story to the other half. It didnt make sense when I told it either.
Something else that didn't make sense was all the effort to save a bit of cash by going to a launderette was entirely in vain, as the missus spent a fortune on the slots whilst I was away. Cest la vie.
(No apologies for length, girth or early finish)
(Tue 26th Apr 2011, 10:37, More)