» Accidental animal cruelty

Jaffa arsed dog
Once I was throwing jaffas to my mates dog to eat. He wasn't a good catch, and they were going everywhere. Anyway, we told him to sit, which he did, and then received the next jaffa. Then when he stood back up, we realised he'd sat on a jaffa, which was stuck to his arsehole. We started laughing, even more so when he realised he could smell a jaffa, but couldn't find it, and started running in circles. He proceeded to chase his own arse for the next 30 seconds, with us laughing harder and harder at the stupid creature. Then he became so dizzy, he stopped running in circles and toppled down the flight of stairs. We thought he'd broken his neck, but he stood up, shook himself, and then happily ate the jaffa which had become dislodged from his date during his tumble.
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 23:58, More)

» Stupid Dares

Stop coughing you prick
This happened when I was in high school.I was around at a mates house one weekend, and we were just hanging around. I saw a jar of Vicks Vapourub, and commented on how it was the same shaped jar as Vaseline. Then I said "Wouldn't it be amazing if you accidentally had a wank with that instead of vaso." Quick as a flash he said he'd do it then and there for $10. And just as quickly I had my wallet out telling him to go ahead. well, he got a big blob of it and put it on his dick, then slowly started rubbing it in. For about 10 seconds. Then he started shouting. Then running to the bathroom to wash it off. He got his $10, but he also got a new nickname at school. Vic.
(Sun 4th Nov 2007, 4:39, More)

» I hurt my rude bits

My poor cock.
I'd just had sex with my girlfriend, and was lying back in post coital bliss. She grabbed the end of the condom and started stretching it out to a length of about 30cm. I asked her what she was doing, and she told me she was taking it off for me. I said that she'd never get it off like that, and she said "Oh", and released it. The conny snapped me right on the tip of my just come and highly sensitive cock, like a bloody great rubber band, and I let out a scream of anguish. She asked me what was wrong. I dont go out with her anymore.
(Sun 16th Jul 2006, 0:41, More)

» This book changed my life

How I learned to be invisible
I bought a book years ago, called "Ninja Secrets Of Invisibility." It lived in my toilet for years, as it was the kind of book you could open on any page and learn something amazing. For instance, if you want to sneak past an armed guard, you wait until he's looking the other way, then tiptoe past him! Or to be really tricky, you can tap him on the shoulder, then when he turns that way, you go the other. With these kinds of subtle tricks, Im amazed that Ninjas didn't take over the whole world!
(Sat 17th May 2008, 0:50, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Bad Mum
When I was about 6, my Mum was in the bathroom putting red dye in her hair. The red colour was all over her head, and a bit was running down her face.I asked her, "What's that Mum?" To which she replied "Ive cut myself, and I'm bleeding to death!"
Cue long, agonised scream of terror, followed by sniggering.
Thanks Mum.
(Fri 17th Aug 2007, 22:16, More)