» I met a weirdo on the interweb

music
Downloading music merrily as if I control the matrix or something, and a guy contacts me via the site to browse through my stuff, says 'Hi, i'm Spanish. It great to practise speak', that kinda thing. There's me thinking how brill the internet is for connecting unknown folks, when he demands a picture. I say I don't have one on work computer (true), to which he responds 'you are dead'.....Yikes. Bit much I thought.
(Fri 17th Mar 2006, 12:37, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

my brothers
mate had a stuffed parrot teddy that he evidently employed as chief wank mopper upper. A girl-friend of theirs visited one day, and turned around giggling and squealing, rubbing the toy on her face 'ooooh, it's fur's all spikey!'
Shudder.
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 13:46, More)

» Scary Neighbours

Every town has one..
The local nutter. She lived next door and provided no end of fun ie questioning me about my like for oral sex when I was 4 (not liked by mumsy one little bit), interviewing bushes with empty pop bottles, keeping a dead kitten in her top pocket.

Now she has gone, and I have left the area also, but in my mother's advancing years she become a curtain twitcher and reports the daily goings on that she spies occurring across the road. The couple in question, dubbed 'The Perverts in the Kellogs House' are her particular favourites. The guy chucks dog turds hes picked up off the grass at passers by and reverses his car into parked cars on purpose. For no apparent reason.
Each to their own eh?
(Thu 25th Aug 2005, 18:58, More)

» Injured Siblings

aaaaah, the memories come flooding back...............
because similar deeds outlined here happened to me frequently. General torture, or 'love' given to me by my older brother involved suffocation with duvets/upturned dinghy; race to the shops with me as the only contender; made to pick up hard white dog shits; 'you're adopted'; hide and seek where i'd hide for hours to discover that he'd gone out previous; the 'no means yes/yes means yes game' - punch 'did you like that?' 'no' - punch; the punching game, where all that happened was that he punched my arm til i couldn't feel it and it was all blue; jungle drums - chest gets twatted whilst i was pinned to the ground.

Two particular incidents stick in my mind.
1) Pile of bricks with plank on top. He instructed that I stand with my feet pushed underneath the plank. He jumps on other end. Hey presto, no skin on shins.
2) I broke my leg, the day my first 'real' bike had been bought. Lying in bed being sad, he came in and was lovely and kind to me - then proceeded to tell me the story of the lonely orphan (Ben) who our parents had given my bike to because he needed it and I was a cripple. Much tears from me and much sniggering from him.

Funny, but, this all seems perfectly normal to me and forms part of my happy childhood memories!!!
(Thu 18th Aug 2005, 17:34, More)

» Shoddy Presents

Liverpool strip
An old friend of mine loved Liverpool FC when he was a kid and wanted nothing more that the football strip, to be like all the other boys. Imagine his delighted little face on crimbo day when he unwrapped a soft gift, and lo and behold it was a Liverpool FC jersey!...Literally. His gran had knitted him one, with knitted badge and knitted number. His parents then tarred him with the 'Ungrateful Little Wretch' brush and made him play out in it.
(Fri 24th Sep 2004, 12:34, More)