» World's Sickest Joke

Dont try this one in the pub...It went very quiet when I did....
Whats the only downside about having sex with a six year old?


Having to strangle her afterwards


>sorry<
(Thu 8th Dec 2005, 16:34, More)

» Messing with the Dark Side

The ouija board and the caravan
Picture the scene..Summer 1983. Six teenaged lads completely shitfaced on woodpecker and Country manor (jeez do they still sell that stuff!)
We're all in a caravan in the middle of a field somewhere in Skegness. Out comes the old ouija board and cue six pissheads trying to contact "the choir invisible" After much mirth and merriment involving phrases like "Whats that Grandma? Should I walk towards the light?" etc, we finally settle down to try and see if we really could contact the dead. After about two minutes of complete silence, an appalling banging sound started to reverberate thru the caravan. mass panic ensued and my mate Tony threw back the curtains to see if the dead had indeed arisen, only to be confronted by a battleaxe in a dressing gown,rollers and cold cream,who was staying in the caravan next door. Her immortal words still ring in my head all these years later: "WILL YOU BASTARDS KEEP IT DOWN...IT'S FUCKING 3AM!"

Oh how we laughed the next morning as we packed to leave for home. S'funny tho...the ouija board went in the bin and nowt similar was attempted again. Incidentally aforesaid mate Tony is now a big Derek Acorah fan. Aren't some people weird?
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 12:27, More)

» Call Centres

Not sure whether this has been posted as yet but...
An actual cold call made by a BT employee....(sound required)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj2oXMdZ4sk


Apologies if its been done already.
(Mon 7th Sep 2009, 10:38, More)

» Conned

ITV type voting
Conned on QOTW..banal stories as amusing as Rectal Cancer, and too many peeps pressing "I Like This"

Seems you can vote for yourself lol(or get yer chums to do it)
Apeloverage is the reason why genocide/murder is still a tenable option in the human psyche.

I'll be off then.
(Thu 18th Oct 2007, 19:10, More)

» Toilets

Two for openers
I used to think that squat thrusts were a gym exercise until I discovered Turkish public toilets.

A few years ago, I used to work for a company that had seven stalls in a row in the gents. Having sneaked away for my crafty nine o clock ciggie one morning, I heard the main door burst open and a frantic huffing and puffing as a bloke ran into the trap next to mine. There was a frantic rustling as he undid his (as it turned out) boilersuit and quickly sat down. What followed was an apalling series of farting and shitting noises interspersed with some "AAAAhhhh, I needed that" type noises. At the end there was some more wiping and rustling type noises followed by a horrific wail as the wanker discovered that he'd failed to pull the boilersuit down far enough and had promptly shat in the back of it. Put me right off my cig it did. the bastard

First Post Woohoo!!
(Tue 6th Sep 2005, 10:38, More)